while in the toilet (of all places), i suddenly thought of the time cheryl called me up from german class and asked, sheepishly, if i was going to class that day. i wasn't, because i was really sick. on my birthday. later, she calls back again and says the class had bought a cake for me...and they sang me a birthday song...in german, which they learned only a coupla minutes before just for the ocassion.

schweet.

that thought's helping me through my frustration right now. fuck technology. i've spent the last few hours (since 8pm actually) trying to figure out what's wrong with the ftp software. after loadsa trial and error, and almost breaking out into a quarrel with the tech girl, i've finally deduced that it's probably my broadband that's causing the shit. it works just fine with internet access and email, but i just don't get why i suddenly ain't able to log on to the ftp server!

add to that frustration, i'm, again, consumed with irrepressible stress and sadness. my other family's falling apart. and while i'm taking a breather, it seems like no one else is holding on...

today (or yesterday, rather) is supposed to be rest day. and it was. sorta. but why does it have to end like this?

why can't you just hold on?

where's the promise of holding me up when i'm falling?

i need you. i really really do. but i don't have the courage to snap out of my shell.