THE LAST NIGHT OF THE WORLD

a song played on a solo saxaphone
a crazy sound, a lonely sound
a cry that tells us love goes on and on

played on a solo saxaphone
it's telling me to hold you tight
and dance like it's the last night of the world.

i just had a ball of a time guessing song titles and singers with a friend.

he surprised me by remembering the lyrics to this miss saigon number.

it was a good evening, after a couple of hours at the cards table with some of my family members. i made two bucks. =P

i had gone to visit my nanny this morning.

she asked if i had a boyfriend.

when i said no, she asked me thrice if i was fibbing.

and when it was confirmed i didn't, she suggested introducing me to someone. *gasp*

this someone is one of the guys she took care off in decades past as well, and is uh...somewhat chubby.

even when she said he's cute, i somehow doubt these fellas' idea of "cuteness".

but instead of vehemently pushing away her offer, i said it would be interesting, since it'll only be an introduction.

i was quite amused at how everyone in my family just sat back and laughed everything off. no one seemed to offer any "no lah, she doesn't need any introductions" help.

so yeah...i'd be expecting my nanny's call.

unfortunately for me, she's still quite alert and will probably work on it.

of course i'm hoping by the time she actually gets her act together, i'd either be happily dating or being too busy to entertain any of his queries or advances.

and i'm guessing this is all happening because i'll soon be turning 25.

geez. save it, please.

other interesting snippets of the day...

1) both my uncle and i carried books under our arms today. i'm reading "i, lucifer" and he's doing sums outta "101 algebraic problems".

2) some of you may have heard of an idea i had a couple of years back, about bringing together the people who've played roles in my life. i'm thinking up some logistics to see if it's workable.

3) no i do not have time to queue up for Singapore Idol. so thanks for the encouragement (which has graduated into nagging) but nopes, i won't go.

4) a cousin's about to get married after an odd string of relationships.

it seems i'm not the kind men want to marry.

which means what?!

EVER THE SAME

Just let me hold you while you're falling apart
Just let me hold you and we'll both fall down

Fall on me
Tell me everything you want me to be
Forever with you
Forever in me
Ever the same

Call on me
I'll be there for you and you'll be there for me
Forever it's you
Forever in me
Ever the same

You may need me there
To carry all your weight
But you're no burden I assure
You tide me over
With a warmth I'll not forget
But I can only
give you love.

chanced upon this song today.

i'll sing it for you, baby...whoever you are.

RUB IT RUB IT

i had to go to the temple this morning with the brother and grandaunt.

so i got outta bed at seven, and while in a daze, pulled on my tank top and nike slacks.

the grandaunt then asked me to cover up a little more, so i told my dad the only "cover-up" i brought was the "rub it rub it" t-shirt.

he pointed out the monks probably wouldn't even recognize the words.

so i changed and we made our way to the temple in the east.

when i saw the monk doing the prayers, i looked to my mom and said...

"uh...that monk speaks english. he spoke to me in english last time."

my mom, looking puzzled, asks...

"what are you getting at?"

me...

"i'm wearing the rub-it-rub-it t-shirt. how ah?"

the next thing i knew, my brother and my mom both dropped their mandarin oranges in laughter.

by the way, in case you didn't know already, the words were emblazoned over my chest.

it was given to me by a friend for christmas, and is one of the two pieces of new clothing i have.

so i wonder...which means more? the words on the tee or the covering up of skin?

the other thing is...as the monk was giving out strings of beads after his blessings, i thought i saw him switching the beads so my mom gets the jade-looking chain and i got the pink one.

not bad, sharp monk.

uhhuh...yes, i have a pink of everything now.

pink phone, pink bag, pink top, pink bottom, pink brolly...

call me paris hilton already. =P

HIS EYE IS ON THE SPARROW

i sing because i'm happy
and i sing because i'm free
his eye is on the sparrow
and i know he watches me.

so funny how people jump to conclusions.

i had mentioned in passing to my mom that cole sat in on the class this afternoon.

the aunt overheard it and exclaimed...

"oh you and coleman are together ah?"

so i went...

"huh? no lah. come to my studio means we're together meh?"

and then she went on with the "why not"s.

practically everyone who's heard of and seen cole in the flesh would ask me why not.

i just shrug and give them a grin.

thinking about how cole and i met always gets me smiling...especially the part where that teacher tried to fix us up. =)

funny shit.

hmm...this wasn't meant to be in this post.

ALWAYS

Ooh your life is sun,
Chasing all the rain away,
When you come around you bring a brighter day
You're the perfect one
For me and you forever we'll be
And I will love you so for always

this atlantic starr number played the moment i stepped into union last night.

it was one of my favorite sing-a-long songs so it got me in high spirits. =)

anyways, swollen eyes and heavy lids aside, today ended pretty nice.

i was kinda blurry-eyed for most of the morning and afternoon until i got to UTAC for the interview with CEO, JC Lee.

today has gotta be my most bimbotic day to date.

i blame it on the crying last night. bah.

JC never fails to perk me up with his wisecracks and anecdotes...and i got quite a good interview.

teaching also gets me smiling, especially when i see my students feeling somewhat sheepish and awkward...kinda reminds me of my days as a beginner (which wasn't too far back).

so i left Caliente with a bounce in my step, and an eagerness to call everyone up to tell them how happy i felt.

in the end, i ended up at xenbar doing a dance with jianyang and one with panda.

on that note, i've never done so many flips in two days!

the two guys said it was really easy to flip me and i felt extremely lightweight being flipped by them!

*whoops there it is*

IT FELT SO GOOD!

i could so get used to it. =)

and so i've been told that some people feel afraid/stressed to dance with me.

as if i have such an unfriendly demeanor.

PLEASE LAH! JUST ASK, CAN?

a highlight of tonight was me walking down maxwell towards xen, singing LSG to myself. =)

and of course, spending the last couple of hours with two guys who make up "the three stooges" with me.

coolness.

*i apologize for today's post. told you i felt bimbotic."

swollen eyes and no sleep.

i'm guessing the tummy will follow suit.

go do the math.

YOU DON'T KNOW ME

you gave your hand to me
and then you say hello
and i can hardly speak
my heart is beating so

and anyone can tell
you think you know me well
but you don't know me.

no you don't know the one
who dreams of you at night
longs to kiss your lips
longs to hold you tight

oh i'm just a friend
that's all i've ever been
cuz you don't know me.

cry girl...just cry it all out.

it's all right to fall.

just dust your knees and keep walking.

go on.

the moment mouldy looked at me from across the room and gave me that smile, i had just wanted to walk out.

he seemed to know exactly what was going through my mind at that moment.

i suppose panda probably picked up on it, but he couldn't quite put his finger to it.

well now that the dust has sorta settled, i can begin telling our story.

crushes never amount to anything...at least in my case, they don't.

i hardly get crushes.

so when a girl friend and i had a crush on this guy, we just giggled it off.

the crush gradually died down.

but of course, as fairytales go...the fella responded.

cut to the modern fairytale.

the relationship was wrought with trials and tribulations.

in the end, i'd say we just run along different wavelengths.

from then till now, i've always stood by my "don't look for a distraction, face the problem" talk.

turns out that i WAS being distracted...by the fact that i had my heart hell set on keeping my space.

i simply locked myself when i encountered him or spoke to him.

and today, the distraction failed to distract.

so here i am, getting over the heartbreak that was caused over a month back.

and that's what i mean by...alone.

me, sitting by the sink, sobbing alone.

me, picking up the pieces, alone.

let me do it alone.

DON'T IT MAKE MY BROWN EYES BLUE

Don't know when I've been so blue
Don't know what's come over you
You've found someone new
And don't it make my brown eyes blue

I'll be fine when you're gone
I'll just cry all night long
Say it isn't true
And don't it make my brown eyes blue

Tell me no secrets, tell me some lies
Give me no reasons, give me alibis
Tell me you love me and don't make me cry
Say anything but don't say goodbye

I didn't mean to treat you bad
Didn't know just what I had
But, honey, now I do
And don't it make my brown eyes
Don't it make my brown eyes
Don't it make my brown eyes blue

i remember wanting to do this song by crystal gayle for a recital, but went with a more spunky "the lady is a tramp" instead.

as i walked down cross street towards carl's junior earlier (yes, i had the sudden urge for a big, juicy, portabello mushroom burger and criss-cut fries), i caught a couple of glances at my reflection...

and remembered how i abhored my legs when i was younger.

how our idea of beauty changes as we grow.

i had wished for my calves to look like my peers', some of whose were muscular.

i hated my two thin-as-sticks legs.

on hindsight, i probably just wanted to fit in.

conformity was all the rage when we were in school, yet the leader of the conformists always stood out.

how ironic.

my legs were too thin, and my hips were too big.

even my mom agreed with the hips.

it became so ingrained in me that anytime someone were to tell me i have a proportionate figure, or nice legs, i'd immediately throw that idea out the window.

only within the past year had i become more comfortable in my own skin.

i now accept such compliments with a smile and nod.

i still look in the mirror and wonder how much of me has changed.

my hips couldn't have shrunk, my shoulders couldn't have broadened.

and wouldn't my weight loss make my hip bones protrude even more?

in any case, my point is this:

love your body.

because if you do, then you'd exude the kinda confidence most can only dream of.

and you wouldn't need an hourglass figure to tell you you're beautiful. =)

THE TROUBLE WITH LOVE

i tried to satiate my hunger.

these days, whenever i feel hungry, i'd just run out to buy food cuz i don't usually feel that hungry anymore.

so yes, i ordered a set of rice to go.

half an hour later, my hunger subsided and my food still hadn't arrived.

i walked up to the counter and told the lady i wasn't hungry anymore.

of course, she tried to appease me and all...but seriously, i felt no hunger, and therefore, didn't feel like eating anymore.

i took my five bucks and walked back to the office.

so now i'm grumpy because i didn't get lunch and i've lost my appetite.

THE BEST TESTAMENT OF GOOD PARENTING

here i am
this is me
there's no where in this place
i'd rather be.

i choose to live it out.

the pain, the resistance, the jibes.

i will not look for a distraction.

i choose to stand alone.

right here.

right now.

i can do this, mom.

no worries. =)

not worth it.

not fucking worth it.

just bloody hate me already.

it'll save us all some trouble.

I'LL BE

i'll be the greatest fan of your life.

out of the pains and oddities of life (yes i'm making up for yesterday's 'i am angry' post), i've taken on counting my blessings.

i thank the people around me for simply being around...

the fellas who've offered to drive me back home...

the ones who remember my favorite things...

and the girls who laugh and cry with me.

believe it or not, all these people are from my salsa social circle.

which means i've never had such relations until last year.

oh well.

the smallest details.

i had only quipped this once that i liked a certain song.

my friend dropped me off at home late last night.

after i came outta the shower, i got a message from him saying "your favorite song on 98.7 =)".

it was too late to catch it by then.

but it's the little things like this that gets me smiling.

this shy bloke, who hardly talks to anyone and who's only heard "my favorite song" with me this once, smsed me to tell me that it's playing.

another friend pondered if he should send me a "somebody loves you" sms but figured that i'd be too freaked to feel warm and fuzzy. =P

i woke up this morning feeling kinda blue
when i stumbled outta bed and dragged my feet across the room
right outside my front door was a rose and a note that said
"somebody loves you"

i suppose this is what i mean...

take a look at the ordinary
don't need to look for paradise
you could be next to an angel in disguise.

thank you all, for at various points, being my angel in disguise.

it is with this thought that i carry on my day with a smile on my face and a bounce in my step. =)

HABLE CON ELLA

i'm a very angry girl.

very angry.

my knuckles turned white.

but you wouldn't know.

*patience, dear girl. patience. and understanding. and make lotsa time.

LOVE, ME

i'll be there when my chores are through
i don't know how long i'll be.

oddness.

someone isn't telling me everything.

i feel it in my bones.

and it don't feel good.

i feel like a reserve chute.

OLD MAN AND ME

the crippled old man riding his bike one year back?

i saw him again.

the same raw emotions surfaced.

SWEET CAROLINE

good times never seemed so good.

i snipped all my hair off a year back.

the first three quarters of the year were relatively quiet.

the final quarter, though, saw a whole flurry of activity, blood, sweat and tears.

it also saw actual men coming into my seemingly asexual (ashley's word) life.

and yeah, my hair was growing out.

coincidence?

in other news...

the beacon and i had dinner last night and while we were being tempted left, right and center to head to the club for salsa, we decided to sit the night out. =)

someone rationalized i needed to get at least one new article of clothing for chinese new year, so i checked out this seemingly "me" top...with a huge hole at the back.

so we were trying to figure out how to wear a bra with that gaping hole behind.

i figured the beauty of the hole was to show off some skin, and there shouldn't be any other pieces of clothing obstructing the looker's view of the back.

we fiddled around with the idea of wearing a tube, or a stick-on bra...

in the end, i think the only way to keep that top in its nice, original form is to go bra-less.

then i won't have to worry about my strapless bra or tube slipping as i dance.

now don't go getting any funny ideas.

ATTITUDE OR THE LACK OF

the subject of the book i'm reading now refers to humankind as the Land of Matter and Perception.

people assign things or others a certain value.

so it's with this perceived value that the "valuated" gets a beating or boost to his ego.

and because value is subjective, your value lies in the eyes of the beholder.

for example, an employer may offer you a higher form of reward to poach you from your current vocation because he places a higher value on your intellect.

your peers may be baffled at how you are being headhunted because they know not your skill sets and can't see how they could be so valuable to an entity.

just like profit is a perceived value by an accountant, your skills are only valuable to your employer/employer-to-be.

because some of us bypass profit and head straight to free cash flow.

i had assigned someone a high valuation some time back.

i valued his skill sets and personality.

since then, while his skill sets remain, his personality has evolved.

apparently, many others had valued him the same way i did and that's why his personality has changed.

am i an authority on this figure? surely not. but i'm an onlooker who's neutral as neutral can be.

and from my perspective, this person has valued himself to be somewhat indispensible.

however, a slightly bigger ego does not change the cold, hard fact that his skills are still admirable.

i have re-valued this individual.

he's a HOLD.

of course, if you're looking at pure fundamentals, this person is still a BUY.

but being somewhat risk-adverse when it comes to investment, i let my interaction with him guide me.

just like i wouldn't buy into a company because it's got a pompous CEO who patronizes me.

and no matter how hard you try to hold it back...

come before me and you crumble.

but your blood runs through my veins...

so why?

why do you fear me?

i'm just...me.

meek little me.

SOMETHING ABOUT YOU

there's something in your eyes
something in your smile
something in the way you move me

makes me want to sing
makes me want to dance
makes me want to cry

i'm falling in love with you.

that's the x-factor for me.

if someone can make me want to sing, dance and cry all at once...and i still manage to keep my cool...

then he's the one.

the song that runs after this is...

FALL TO FLY

i was strong i was proud
keeping both feet on the ground

i feared love like i feared heights
i just didn't realize...

that i could fall to fly.

i'm glad i fell. =)

painful as the aftermath was, i liked how i was able to have someone else on my mind.

i often thought of him as i walked the stores, or had my meal breaks...wondering if he would need some perking up after his long day at work.

i liked hugging him because it conveyed so much more than i could ever say.

i enjoyed watching his chest rise up and down as he slept on the nights i lay awake next to him (i'm a light sleeper and i simply couldn't bear to wake him up).

and when i got too tired, i leaned over to kiss him so he would flinch and i could sneak under his arms.

on the nights i did sleep though, i loved waking up next to him.

most of all, i loved writing about how happy i was, without explicitly stating so. =)

the most peaceful times i've ever had was when i had someone i love lying next to me.

my brother has stayed over a couple of times and us waking up next to each other is the coolest thing in the world.

considering how much my brother and i have both been through in our individual lives, it's odd how we've managed to gel together such that no one can touch us.

he is the only person in this world who loves me unconditionally, and comes to my aid without question.

he stayed with me through that horrible, horrible day.

my baby brother.

i will never be able to get the image of his fragile 12-year-old frame in that bed out of my head.

to remember that i almost lost him is the most painful thing in the world.

and it is because of that one memory that i know nothing else that happens will even come close to hurting me as much.

the few who really know what i've been through would also know how i felt then, dealing with those issues.

and it's also those few who truly know how nothing i've gone through in recent times would come close to how i've lived my life before.

i get breathless sobbing in the corner of my bed...thinking about the people who've filtered in and out of my life, the people who've stayed, the people who've returned to ask for me.

but with every thought, another brick is laid.

i had never believed in romantic love, even as i hoped for it.

i thought i could be proven wrong but no...it just reaffirms that perhaps i am not capable of garnering a love that's unconditional.

i am disillusioned with love.

and i will not trust my gut or emotions without thought again.

i was right.

if you tell me your love for me isn't unconditional, then do not love me at all.

for if i were to love you, i would aspire to love you unconditionally.

without question, without doubt.

*Love is patient, love is kind.
Love is not jealous, it does not brag, and it is not proud.
Love is not rude, is not selfish, and does not become angry easily.*

i'm cheapening the word by mentioning it the thousandth time.

disgusting.

i've fallen.

and now, i shall fly.

watch me.

THE END OF THE WORLD

why do the stars go on shining
why does the sea rush to shore
don't they know it's the end of the world...

i can't eat.

i don't know why.

and for someone who loves food, this is probably one of the more difficult things i have to deal with right now.

oh please...not again. =(

SORRY, I

for most of today, my brain was in my tummy.

to go or not to go.

i felt so numb i seriously couldn't feel anything.

both in my gut and emotionally.

i just lay there. and decided whether to go, or not.

so there i was, floating about until one of my boys decided to ask me when i was going back to ycsog.

"one year ago, you said you needed to take a one year break. so when are you coming back?"

so now, i'm guilt-tripped into going for lion dance with my boys over the chinese new year period and attending the group reunion dinner.

this time last year, i was certain i'd be back within a year.

though with the studio, work, the SHINE committee and all that jazz, i'm not sure if i can fully immerse myself into scouting activities again.

i know i'd be hosting the president's scout award this year at the istana though.

if i dedicate all my time to the above, social dancing would become a thing of the past in no time...and that, i cannot allow to happen.

the social life might even become non-existent.

hmm.

but i miss my boys.

sigh...what's a busy girl to do?

EL DIA

as el dia draws nearer with each busy day, i sense the apprehension.

desperate as i am to push it away, it seems to be charging at me like a raging bull. with horns.

it's already mid january.

from now till then, i hope something big happens to make me fear it less.

"be careful what you wish for - you might just get it."

as el dia draws nearer, i'm reminded of how the one thing i truly yearned for has always slipped from my fingers.

nothing that's happened since then has ever come close to the hurt and disappointment of that subject.

how ironic it is that one has tried to make whatever trivialities i've wished for come true.

i know you want for me to be happy.

thank you.

on another vein, it was a sunny day as the HAM and i walked up the steps to my office.

and so he quipped that he doesn't think it'll rain since it's been so wet the last few days and the sun would stay out a little longer now.

of course, i had to go "eh, don't say so soon. sekali later it rains on us how?"

as soon as we stepped into the opening at the second floor, the patter started.

the HAM and i looked at each other, and almost collapsed onto the floor in laughter.

me and my big mouth.

i hate myself and i want to die.

i think i'm gonna enjoy reading prozac nation. =P

you are like the brown.

further down my back.

reaching towards my waist.

but you will never be.

OF MOZZIES AND A THOUSAND LAKES

the lakes weren't all that but the mozzies were out in full force to get some.

in a matter of five minutes, i got no less than four bites on my arms and tummy.

i should've expected it, since the clouds were sifting my way while i waited for the cabby to find his way into the depths of jalan lekar...where qian hu fish farm is.

so brolly in one hand and the mobile in the other, i could hardly fend those buggers off.

oh well. they got me good.

work's been a bitch today...so it's back to the office in a few hours to do the qian hu story.

eyes wide shut.

DANCE WITH MY FATHER

shock graduated to awkwardness, and then to familiarity.

i bumped into my father at a seminar i attended this evening.

when i saw him, i didn't know how to respond.

but work instincts took over and i just waved hi and went about my chores.

of course, when i was done with work, i went to chat him up.

the new colleague said i look like my dad.

i remember my relatives saying how i looked exactly like him when i was born.

according to my mom, i have the same temperament as him too.

i'm as stubborn as the guy...and that makes our disagreements practically unresolvable without a mediator.

but now that i've taken that relationship out of the house, our exchanges have taken on a whole new meaning.

strange as it may seem, things are actually getting better.

in a recent terrifying incident, the one person i thought of calling was him.

because it sure felt like only he would swoop by and save me without question.

imagine...how strained relations were at one time, yet he remains the one person my thoughts ran to in the carpark that night.

THE X-FACTOR

what exactly does one mean when he says a person's got the x-factor?

is it a term strictly pertaining to looks, personality, feel?

when people are asked how they feel about the x, they simply shrug and say "i don't know what it is, but she's got it."

hmm.

so i can only deduce that the letter "x" is used in "x-factor" as it would be in an algebraic equation.

it is to be replaced by some word or something.

and it need not be positive.

HOLES IN THE FLOOR OF HEAVEN

wet knees down.

to save money on dancing so i could squander it on cab fares to places i could've walked to.

stop raining on me already.

STARS

each time i look at the stars
i realize just how small we are.

stars shine our way tonight.

each time i look at the stars
i feel you're there with me
up amongst the stars of our destiny.

the walk back home always touches different senses in varying ways.

tonight, the senses of smell and sight were raging.

the faint sting of chlorine interrupted the fresh, post-rain night air, while the constellations in the cloudless sky ignited reminiscence.

STARS kept ringing in my head and i simply had to sing it.

i was in secondary two the first time i heard that song...and it stuck, like it's not what i imagined did.

it was from a local musical called "big bang" - a story on Stephen Hawking.

musical theater numbers have a way of getting to me.

one other that comes to mind right now is someone like you from the broadway musical "jekyll and hyde".

but if someone like you
found someone like me
then suddenly nothing would ever be the same
my heart would take wing
and i'd feel so alive
if someone like you found me.

i remember wanting to sing this for the recital, but exchanged it for the slicker lady is a tramp.

i suppose i could do it better since i could relate to it more. =P

cynthia lee aka "ah girl" in the channel i sitcom sang too fancy.

and that was the only version i've heard.

debbie gibson's "think with your heart" album is totally defunked and off the shelves...and well, so is the song, unfortunately.

i like a man who can roll up his jeans
and wade in the water
and still have some dreams.

i like a man who can understand
simplicity.

uhhuh.

men who want to wine and dine me can.

but they need not apply for the position of "partner".

give me some courtside seats
i want my nose to bleed
he's just too fancy for me.

=)

you are like the brown.

fading with each shower.

falling as the black grows out.

touching my shoulders, the nape of my neck.

the brown still coats the black.

undeniably true.

TWO LESS LONELY PEOPLE

air supply couldn't have gotten better than this.

as people find love in throves, two less lonely people every second.

love, actually is such a celebration of love in all forms.

he loved her silently and painfully.

he minimized contact with her so he wouldn't be caught loving her.

so she thought he hated her.

but really, he loved her.

i can relate to that.

she gave up any chance of love for the security of loving her sick brother.

i can relate to that.

circumstances can bring people together.

though the exact same can also be the reason for one to painfully reject another.

TO ME, YOU ARE PERFECT

RAIN ON ME

i try to smile my tears away
i try to keep my cool
oh but one more door gets in my way
i feel like such a fool.

tremble and bitter
my heart just wants to bleed and stop
believing in me.

LITTLE SUPERHERO GIRL

save me from myself.

desperation called for such measures.

i had a knack for victimizing myself...and while i knew the rest of the world wasn't at fault for my predicaments, it sure felt a lot easier not blaming myself.

then after some rationalizing, i began to strike myself out for all the situations i get into.

even though it was of no doing of my own that got me into such fixes, i sure didn't help the situations by standing around and letting them happen.

so last year, even though it was a reactive stance, i literally created breathing space for myself.

it's ironic how i'd learn to take the bull by its horns and yank it aside when i was at my lowest some two years back.

i was depressed...and sane enough to help myself outta what could have been extremely detrimental to my mental health in the long run.

staying with the airline.

it's a process...tears and all.

you cry, wipe it up, and hope there'll be sun the next morning.

but no.

there isn't sun today.

i feel like a little girl, trying to conquer the whole wide world.

STARLIGHT, STARBRIGHT

wishing on the first star of the night
i wish i may, i wish i might...

i woke up this morning with a strong impetus to dance...and so, i did. tonight.

all was well, i suppose, until i got a whiff of some cigar smoke.

so i headed out into the night to inhale some unfettered, musty air.

turns out that was the most peaceful 10 minutes i had of the day.

emotion just swept over me like a tidal wave, but yes, i still felt strangely at peace.

no breathing space to grieve.

back to the night...it was a good one, though my dances sucked.

every single one of them.

for starters, i will sit out on certain dances for the time being.

it is a cold, hard night.

i wish someone would just hold my hand.

just give it one tight squeeze.

it'll pass...

as usual.

SOPHIE'S WORLD

i feel an odd energy to give sophie's world a renewed shot.

tonight will be a good time. =)

and thereafter...DESCARTES!

time to pump up that grey matter.

EVERYTHING IN ITS TIME

sometimes i wonder what lies ahead
how long till my hunger is fed
they say it's hard to make it
in this part of town

so many people on this merry-go-round.

there are a thousand reasons
why i should give up
but i'm stubborn in the things i believe.

a short interview yesterday forced me to revisit everything i've ever done.

at the end of it, everything worth mentioning was volunteer-work-based.

how ironic, when we mused how we'd be rich if we could make money outta that kinda work.

but we wouldn't then find such joy in doing as much as we've done...and remain poor ol' sods. =)

i feel my mind falling into a lull trap.


the new desk in the new office

i'm stumped, after a day of moving.

but my cranium's crying out for some stimulation.

so go on...

challenge me. =)

HOLD MY HAND

i want you to hold my hand.

hootie and the blowfish probably were talking about more than plain romantic love when they wrote this song.

and so it goes...humans with hearts move on.

and what of those without? they simply stay put, not knowing what to do. but yes, their heads still work, i think.

so congrats to you.

and good luck to me. =)

what's the deal with a cold on a hot sunny day?
is it someone's way of saying "you've had too much play?"

what's the deal with a rainbow after raining on your parade?
is it his way of saying "regretfully, 'twas something i couldn't aid?"

what's the deal with bruises after a night out at the club?
man...i think i could answer this one.

i'm sick, cold and bruised.

I'M NOT

buy me a penthouse on the uppermost floor
give me some rocks you know i'll adore.

whisk me around in your red-hot chevvy
get the girls on the floor green with envy.

you think i'm all that, don't you?

a hiatus from day to day happenings.

let's have some real writing.