i have a performance tonight.

and here i am, sitting by my dining table, bawling my eyes out for something i swore i would wash my hands off.

this is about the only thing that's pissing me off these days. even shit from school does not match up to this.

i'm so fucking angry that i can't even find the words to describe the situation.

I WILL NOT BE MADE TO FEEL LIKE I SHOULD DO THIS, OR THAT, JUST BECAUSE I SHOULD.

WHAT'S WITH THE FUCKING HOLIER THAN THOU ATTITUDE?

i've lost all my respect for them. ALL OF IT.

so fucking insular. contradictory. self-centered.

maybe i'm just not the marrying kind. in that much i myself am self-centered.

fucking nonsense.

gibberish for a fucked up mind.

i have no excuse to run away now though.

"if she came with us, she would be the one winning the votes."

"are you sure you can't cancel your trip to come with us?"

"are you sure you don't want to come with us?"

i was confronted by the people i want to tunisia with three years ago. tonight.

apparently, because i couldn't join the bidding team as presenter this year, they had to relinquish the presentation part of the bid to a non-scout, as requested by the STB.

they were pissed at the thought, and were trying to guilt-trip me.

all this, while only asking if i was available to go to korea with them just two weeks back.

my aunt and i had already indicated our interest after our first stellar bid in tunisia, but since no one approached us, we figured that they got together a new hit of a team.

but after tonight's viewing of the final rehearsal, i can't help but say "these guys don't learn, do they?"

they had a lot more time to prepare for this bid, compared to the last one. but in spite of the seemingly young and skeletal team we put together in 2005, we showed the world scout community our goods.

you can revisit my blog on these events here. and the gwizzly photoblog here.

in short, we were THE BOMB.

the japanese, the australians, and even the swedes knew it.

it was the first time our small country ran a bid for the world scout jamboree, but we ran a close one with the swedes, and lost just by a slight margin.

anyhow...i wish them luck in korea.

and if they don't win this time, they really ought to get out of their musky boxes and get the people who really know how to get the show running to do it.

and they should stop guilt-tripping me. =(

on clergy sexual abuse

the hubby and i have recently moved our gramaphone movie rental subscription to the parkway outlet, and we have since watched the oprah anniversary dvd set and a documentary called "deliver us from evil".

this is one directed by amy berg, and is a collection of interviews with the priest that blew the scandal open - oliver o'grady - some of his victims and their lawyers. it seemed that they tried to get a response from the US catholic church and the vatican, but they did not respond to the producers' requests.

so they had to use archived deposition footage during oliver o'grady's trials.

i work the morning shift this week (we take turns to start work at about 6am), so you can imagine how tired i am at 10pm.

but that was the time we started watching this show, and it held my attention for the full two hours (or slightly less).

if you're expecting drama and guns, you'd be bored stiff. again, it's just a collection of interviews, not unlike michael moore films.

the difference between amy berg and michael moore is the classification of their work, the former's being a documentary, and the latter's being a movie. i'm not sure if that really makes it more "credible", but what we saw in the show did seem like the director tried to get views from both sides.

in essence, o'grady started sexually abusing kids in the early 70s. and everytime a complaint was filed with the bishop, he would just move o'grady to another parish further away.

when a case finally went to the courts, the church cut a deal - which includes him being financially cared for, for the rest of his life - with o'grady. as long as he refused to testify.

it was really interesting to see o'grady being so candid in his comments. it made him more human, and the catholic church more distant.

the bit that got me really upset was when the father of one of o'grady's female victims started crying and blaming himself for not being able to stop the abuse.

he has not been able to step into a church since.

again, this documentary may just be another michael moore-type thing.

but where there's smoke, there's fire.

this is definitely worth a watch. even for catholics.

vesak day weekend...

our weekends always seem extremely fun, and most times, it's our spontaneity that gets us going.

yesterday was spent at mom's baking cupcakes and playing mahjong.

here're my bees waiting to take off...*buzz buzz*...

today, the investor central gang spent the day at belinda's house in the west. we barbequed, ate a whole lot, and played a fun round of taboo. =P

as we barbequed, we discovered a toad resting peacefully behind belinda's ice box in the garden...

then there were the oh-so-cute children. =)



the butter choc-chip cupcakes, salad and kueh salat were hits. and verdayne did a really tasty flourless chocolate cake. all round goodness.

i'm glad snuffy hubby enjoyed the day as much as i did.

we love being able to do things like these with our friends, and are really glad when people tell us how good we are for each other.

especially when belinda told snuffy hubby and i that we both married "champions", and that we were made for each other. =)

more hunting...

dog hunting is pretty much like house hunting.

especially if you dog hunt like snuffy hubby and i - driving all around the island to people's homes, looking at their litter.

the hubby and i believe in home breeders, because most of them do not overbreed, nor inbreed, their dogs, and believe in finding the puppies good and responsible owners.

i won't go into the details on the homes we visited yesterday because snuffy hubby's already done so. though i can be slightly more reflective. =)

given snuffy hubby's easy-going nature and spontaneity (most times), he would be more of a golden/labrador retriever person. if you can picture a goldie or a labrador, you can almost see "LOVE ME! LOVE ME!" in their eyes as they bound toward you. they are also very affectionate and will probably seek attention from owners...and you probably can't help but just love them. that's very eric.

i've always seen myself as more of a husky, given my independent streak. the husky is strong, has a mind of its own and may not be as well-liked as a golden retriever purely because of how it looks, and how it behaves. it probably isn't the sort of pet that everyone would like because it may not be as affectionate as the widely-popular goldie.

i was slightly disappointed at the huskies i saw yesterday. not that they weren't any good, but perhaps they were too good.

the show dog owner spoke of his dogs with such passion, but he also said things like "if you put my dogs in a show next to other normal singapore huskies, they can't even compare to mine." it made me feel quite sad.

i want a husky, but as much as i want good lineage to ensure good genes and i can then carry on the breed, i don't want to be so particular that i start treating my dog as a tool, and not a companion i want to shower my affection on.

i'm all the for the underdog. and as long as i get a husky with good lineage (not from just any dad and mom), i believe we can train SCOUT to be a good pet/possible future show dog. even though potential is genetic, dogs can also exceed our expectations at times, just like humans.

snuffy hubby has left the decision of the breed of our dog to me.

and i have to say that the more i read about huskies, the more i'm sure that our first dog together will be a husky.

though at the back of my head, i know he will have loads of fun with a goldie. because eric is like a goldie - unconditionally affectionate and giving.

it's been a long time...

i'm not quite sure when the last time i felt this pissed was.

it must have been some time ago because the last time i swore this hard and felt so angry was when i was with you-know-who.

when i met eric, my personality evolved somewhat, for the better.

upon reflection though, recent events have had me reversing backwards to my angsty self.

and it's precisely because i CAN'T STAND watching my husband being treated like crap.

we've only had the joy of the house purchase for over a week, and this nonsense happens.

ABSOLUTE NONSENSE.

BLOODY HELL DYSFUNCTIONAL.

i really cannot watch my husband get subjected to such ridiculous situations anymore.

because i WILL bitch-slap the hell out of any idiot who bullies eric.

i got especially upset when a colleague pointed out that i seem a lot more angry these days, than when she first met me.

i am not upset at her.

i am pissed at how i'm back to dealing with people like my psychotic ex.

i really need a break. f***ing hell.

a milestone in our lives...

as eric mentioned in his last post, the last weekend was special.

we made a decision that had our hearts racing for a good few hours, before celebrating the decision with a good dinner with the family.

and for those of you who've seen our msn tags, and wondered what the numbers mean...

well, perhaps this would be a clue:


these are pictures of a condo unit at The Madeira.

and as of august this year, we would be the proud owners of this place!

without whatever else is in these pictures, of course. =P

it's a development of three blocks near the bukit gombak mrt station.


the saying "if it's yours, it's yours" couldn't have described this purchase better.

everything that happened over the past week had sorta led to the hubby and i seeing this place and falling in love with it, pretty much at first sight.

we're extremely excited, but it also means we may need to save a little for the time we need the cash to pay for this big purchase.

we're happy still. very much so. =)

it's now snuffy hubby's turn. =P

watch this space...

...for a special announcement.

soon, i hope. =P

a break in the week...

labor day wasn't so bad after all, especially since the hubby didn't have to go back to work. =)

so we spent a leisurely brunch with the folks and bro at old airport road, before heading over to their place for our second baking session.

today, we tried out josee's maple cake recipe. =P

and thanks to mom's powerful mixer, we got fantastic consistency for the cake and the icing!

i had grand ideas for the icing, but mom had limited tools so this was something we tried...


the family verdict was: IT NEEDS MORE BUTTER!

ah well...they just like their cakes heavier and more buttery, i guess. =P i personally still like josee's recipe, especially her icing.

we then trotted down to jac's place for some fun with ollie the doggie...and my goodness, has he grown!


then snuffy hubby got into a sneezing fit and had to excuse himself. ollie followed him everywhere as he sneezed about...


i love that puppy...even though i still have a slight teeth mark on my chin.

watching ollie plop around, waltzing through life, makes me wonder why people tend to make life so difficult for themselves.

perhaps it's just like josh groban wrote, "perhaps marley's got it right all along".

there are more things to be learnt from having a dog than you'd think. =)

to think we brought him back as a wee little pup just a month back.



they grown up so fast, don't they?

i can't wait for a little snuffy of our own. =)

a dogwalker's diary...

i should probably start my diary with ollie, since i've been walking him for a couple of days now and will be doing so for a bit. =)

he's growing and is more lanky now.

he's also getting more naughty!

it feels kinda sad to have to discipline him the way the trainer wants us to, but i guess it's a must if we want him to know the rules.

we can only look forward to the payoff in the future. =P

i think walking ollie's really testing my patience and teaching me things about teaching dogs. and, i suppose, about teaching my future kids as well.

here are some of the pictures i snapped off my mobile today...

weekends with the boys...

i do love the weekends.

especially the part where i wake up next to snuffy hubby.


the last one was spent on good food and house-hunting.

the house-hunting didn't go too badly, and post sunday times report, we got my brother to join us in our hunt for the supposedly best chocolate cake.

according to the last sunday times, it's supposed to be the one at PS Cafe along Harding Road. the place is really near dempsey, and you really have to watch out for the sign because the entrance to the cafe is hidden amongst greenery.

and i'm guessing PS is an abbreviation for "project shop". because when the bill came, the company's name was "blood brothers".



so here's what we came for...



but we couldn't bear to just order one dessert (as usual), so we got a brownie as well, which came with a tower of marshmallow.


we started with such gusto...


but even with the two dessert junkies around, it was way too rich to finish. both were really good though, especially the chocolate cake.


all in all, the ambience was good and the desserts were nice. the menu was also interesting...the hubby and i were watering at the mouth just seeing "whole lobster with garlic butter..."


but the sticking point was the service and how bloody slow it took for them to bring us our bill. you see servers standing about and chatting, but it took them such a long time to even bring us our bill...and an even longer time for them to process it and bring it back to us. =(

and because of that, the hubby and i aren't inclined to visit the place again.

the last week of year 1 classes...

perhaps it's just the constant contact i've had with investor central that's pulling me through the year of studies.

IC kinda makes me feel like i haven't been away from them for that long, and that i've been studying for the past year (or so).

today marks the last day of lessons and presentations for this semester, and for year 1 of my course at SMU.

there were many occasions during this semester that had me so tempted to quit school. but on hindsight, the year did pass by really quickly.

and if i apply that to the next three years to come, they may pass just as quickly. if i take it semester by semester.

the last few months had me undertaking a constant stream of assignments and projects. i don't think i've ever been that consistent in school work. i had had to plan things way ahead because of the tons of project work we had to do.

i took 5 modules this time around, the heaviest module being my business in china course. but that was my favorite class to go to each week because it was taught in mandarin. it was a change from the monotony of the week because we learnt a lot about what we sorta knew, but didn't know much about.

after doing the course, i am now more receptive and ready to try communicating with chinese businessmen in chinese. i may even explore the option of doing an exchange program with a chinese university (because going to south america may be way too expensive).

now if only i can get mark to post me to china...*hint hint*. =P

i had my last presentation today. my sociology class made me appreciate how much fun social science is. everyone was so ready to step out of the box and use head fakes to get their message across. here's my team with the professor at the end of the class...



...our presentation was on how education creates social trends. =)

our ltb group handed up our community service project portfolio on monday.

and since our project was pretty much centered around the chinese new year period, we fashioned it in the form of a hamper. each of us wrote our experiences on individual learning blocks, and those were positioned as the goodies you'd receive in a CNY hamper.



if there were an award for efficiency, muchas gracias sure takes the cake. =)



can you spot LSG? =P

on another note, i love hanging out with snuffy hubby.

while we don't cannabalize each others' time, we love hanging out with each other so much that there really doesn't seem to be enough time for us to chill together.

so when we do, we try to kick back and chat about our week and anything that might've crossed our paths.

last saturday, we headed to vivo to catch spiderwick (and then to cineleisure sunday to watch evangelion).

post-movie, we shuffled around a little, and decided (somewhat skeptically) to try out corduroy. we've walked past it many times, admiring the deco, but have never had much impetus to go in and try out their stuff.



corduroy has got a very relaxing atmosphere. it's plush sofas are inviting, and if you were with a good conversational partner, you could be admiring the view of the harbor and chatting there for hours at a go.

the food doesn't seem too bad either.



we ordered a hot chocolate (because they only serve water if you order a drink), a kartoffeln salat...



...and a beef burger.

the potato salad was really potato and apple salad, and the crunchy apple pieces really added a nice bite to the dish.

the beef burger patties were extremely tasty, but seemed a little dry. that's solved if you like chilli sauce and mayonnaise. even if you don't fancy those condiments on your burger, ask the waiter for them because they really don't taste like your supermarket bottled chilli sauce and mayo. we really enjoyed dunking our fries in them. =)

this weekend's going to be an interesting one because we're going house-viewing.

yes, we are househunting so if you know of anyone who may want to sell their property, do let us know.

next week will have me studying for my exams and walking ollie!

i'm excited. =)

thanks snuffy hubby, for wanting to make all my dreams come true.

together, we'll defy gravity.

final chinese presentation...

i had my final one day.

and it was bloody hilarious.

it started out well enough...without notes and all. just trying to wing it.

and then my mind just went blank.

my mind went blank of all those chinese characters i prepared on my notes.

and my mind doesn't really go blank in english. but it did in chinese. =P

so i just stood there and went "crap, i lost it".

and then people started laughing and my professor just looked really amused.

i shuffled to the side to look at my notes, before continuing and finishing it off.

that was the start of a whole string of chinese-english boo boos. the other groups, that is.

i was the boo boo of my group. =P

ah well, hope we didn't get a bad grade because of me.

on the bright side, my group's done for the chinese presentations!

now to concentrate on the next two next week. =(

a few delayed pictures of my "not-so-secret" birthday surprise monday...


muchas gracias, ladies and gentlemen.

doggie woggie...

if you know snuffy hubby and i, you'd know we love dogs.

but we can't have none now because hubby's parents don't want dogs in the house.

you can imagine my delight when my girl friend, jac, asked if i wanted to go to the pet farm with her to pick up her labrador retriever pup. =)

here're some pictures from our little adventure today (with some peeing and pooping involved)...


good night ollie. =)