I LIKE BIG BUTTS...

and we discovered we won the following...

BEST CHOREOGRAPHY

MOST CREATIVE

BEST INTRO

and we were acknowledged as being the most hardworking...damn right...hehe.

thanks mama chix.

FEVER

...all through the night.

tuesday night was pure hotness...the girls were SO HOT.

ours was...well...performed...choreographed...so it went all right. =)

it was over way too fast. but i think we'd wanna do it again some other time eh, girls? ;P

the interview with JC from UTAC went pretty all right...

JC: you've asked me about drinking and all...why? you want to buy me a drink is it?

Me: uh...CAN. only if you'll cook for me.

JC: on.

Me: okay...on.

but we all know this is one date no one's gonna keep...wahahaha. it made for good radio though.

jenny, nancy and i (ex-SIA teammates) hung out at a dodgy marina south steamboat place earlier...and they came over for a chat after.

it's amazing how we managed to gel so when we were in the airline.

we all lead such different lives now.

it felt almost surreal when nancy said "i think he's the one" with such conviction.

time.

sigh.

it just slips, doesn't it?

I'D LIKE TO GET YOU ON A SLOW BOAT TO CHINA...

all to myself. alone.

the doughnuts are here! the doughnuts are here!

how hilarious it was that at 0130hrs this morning, we noticed the huge stack of doughnuts before recognizing the relatives carrying them...;P

when the relatives came out of customs (they flew in from the US) we went to hug them while my brother rushed over to hug the doughnuts...HAHA.

and the sweet thang was cool enough to give me a box of'em. yums.

everyone seemed to have turned up at the airport for something...apart from the sheer joy of seeing the aunt and the kids again.

my mom was had her See's Toffee-ettes sitting comfortably in my aunt's luggage, i had my pair of dance sneakers and my HP sitting in that same bag and my brother had his doughnuts.

i love my dance sneakers and i love my harry potter, even though i don't suppose i have the time to read it till AFTER the wedding. knowing it's in my possession is good enough.

the aunt said she got it at US$15...i saw the same version at borders going for S$53!

i'm glad i waited it out. =)

us three exotic girls worked it out sunday morning...and we're getting better with each run-thru.

i'm keeping my fingers crossed that all goes well tonight.

us in our short skirts and sexy shoes. =)

and people talk about PMS all the time.

i have the bloats...and it's the MS. sigh. still, the show must go on.

i feel overwhelmed by the amount of work on my plate.

not "work" work, but everything i have to do.

my WSJ bid presentation is bugging me...but i don't have enough information to work on.

i'll be leaving for tunisia in a month and i'm so not ready for it.

i'm feeling just a tad bit empty these days.

not because i don't have much to do and have way too much time to think, but because i just feel like i haven't done enough. of everything.

perhaps it's because of the wave of rejections i've been sending out.

i hate to reject offers, but sometimes, i just need to put my welfare ahead of your request because my health is, indeed, suffering. i need rest. please understand.

i want a little something more
don't want the middle or the one before
i don't desire a complicated past
i want a love that will last.

- Renee Olstead.

now you know i'm a committment phobe. for now i am.

but recent events have had me wondering how it would be like to be in a constant relationship.

i have no desire to be in one yet.

i'd much prefer spending whatever time i have left to myself, at home.

but yeah, i'm just wondering.

oh well.

i suddenly miss my brother. hmm.

i just realize i've pictured myself protecting him, and me, from something...way too many times.

COUNTING BLUE CARS

this one was a fucking big MPV.

with a huge driver.

on his puny mobile phone.

the idiot almost knocked me down at the traffic light...when the green man was on.

THE GREEN MAN.

and the little bugger wasn't even flashing.

IDIOTS AND HANDPHONES.

either that, or men just can't multi-task.

YOU'RE BEAUTIFUL

My life is brilliant.
My love is pure.
I saw an angel.
Of that I'm sure.
She smiled at me on the subway.
She was with another man.
But I won't lose no sleep on that,
'Cause I've got a plan.

You're beautiful. You're beautiful.
You're beautiful, it's true.
I saw your face in a crowded place,
And I don't know what to do,
'Cause I'll never be with you.

Yeah, she caught my eye,
As we walked on by.
She could see from my face that I was,
Fucking high,
And I don't think that I'll see her again,
But we shared a moment that will last till the end.

You're beautiful. You're beautiful.
You're beautiful, it's true.
I saw your face in a crowded place,
And I don't know what to do,
'Cause I'll never be with you.
You're beautiful. You're beautiful.
You're beautiful, it's true.
There must be an angel with a smile on her face,
When she thought up that I should be with you.
But it's time to face the truth,
I will never be with you.

- James Blunt

reminiscent of Damien Rice's The Blower's Daughter.

"i can't take my eyes off you."

now how many times have we been drawn to the people we know we can't have?

i know i have.

bygones.

HOME

for this is where i know i'm home.

how different would someone be, crossing the 21st age line?

is it even remotely possible for someone to think "hey it's time to be a responsible adult" the minute he turns 21?

if it were that easy to switch modes like that, why wouldn't they have "enlightened" themselves at the other two landmark ages of 16 or 18?

why the big 2-1?

and if 21's the major turning point, why are there still idiots who behave like fucking imbeciles at the age of 26, 28 or even 31?

so maturity and responsible behavior doesn't come with age. uhhuh.

and people give seemingly sensible speeches on their 21st birthday...thanking their parents, relatives, friends, friends' girlfriends (hey i don't know what they do behind closed doors...)and all that jazz.

then they get pissed drunk during the course of the night and begin all their childish nonsense in the morning again.

day one after 21st birthday.

so much for that speech.

though i gotta admit...the last birthday speech i heard really got to me.

my baby brother celebrated his 21st birthday over the weekend.

i'm pretty sure he had intended to just sit back and chat with his friends till they wanted to leave.

then my cousin started chanting "speech speech speech..."

and so came the dreaded silence before he collected himself to say something.

i felt almost bad for him as everyone looked up at him, expecting him to burst into a flurry of eloquence.

i didn't need to.

my brother showed them.

he showed them why he was 21.

and he showed me he had the right to make that speech.

you see, my brother had leukemia.

there were points in the early stages of his treatment when he was hanging on to the blood bank for dear life because the drugs were too strong and they created ulcers in his bodily tubes.

he bled.

out of desperation, we had him ferried to a bigger hospital, where they pumped blood directly into his heart via a line.

i can still remember the doctor's exact words...

"this boy is very weak and he is at a very critical stage. but we will try our very best to save him."

i didn't cry. i just couldn't.

my parents sobbed and waited it out.

i just sat there.

and then the doctor came out.

"we managed to put a line directly to his heart. it is highly risky but we needed to risk it because he was losing too much blood. any infection of this line will be fatal. so we have to be very careful."

yes, my brother was still alive.

i remember walking to the bathroom...hovering over the sink, and suddenly collapsing into a sobbing mess...

though by the time i rejoined my parents at the ICU, i was back to "normal".

my brother was 12 then.

when i lived at home with my parents and brother, i'd creep into his room every night...just to check if he was still breathing.

going to his room became such a habit that we'd always spend some time chatting in his room or mine.

every night.

so when he made that speech last saturday evening, and he thanked his mom, his dad, his grandaunt and his sis...it was too much for me to handle.

all those images threatened to flush through my mind...the catch to that little closet was getting loose...

the thing that saved me from bawling my heart out was my relative's thunderous applause.

after which, my brother said...

"many things have changed through my life. and things are going to change. but one thing will remain, and that is love."

*cue the thunderous applause once more

i admire my brother.

he has balls.

he is THE REASON for my existence.

i live for him.

and he...

he lives within me, wherever i may roam.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY EUGENE.

YOUTH NATION

want to determine how you want to use the area around the youth park aka the new youth community space?

scape.youth.sg.

post your suggestions.=)

YOU DON'T KNOW ME

you speak of her like she could do no wrong.

you think she's special because you think she does things differently from others, including yourself.

you elevate her to goddess status.

i'm not saying she's a sinner.

i'm not saying she isn't special.

i'm not even disputing her goddess status in your heart.

i'm simply presenting a contrarian view of how the people hovering around us now might just be that kinda special as well.

and perhaps they just aren't showing us that side of their lives.

then you insist that "she really is special" and i'm saying things like this because i don't know her.

how well do you know her? or me, for that matter?

what if i told you that whatever you think of her as special for, i've already gone through?

would it make me any less conventional to you?

no.

because i would never reveal that side of me to you.

so you can go on thinking of me as normal (read: boring) and one-dimensional.

and how she's so much more special than me, or her, or her, or her...

OBSESSION

an excerpt from one of my old writcomm essays...

Women's obsession with the perfect figure has them all conforming; trying to better themselves. They never realize though, that the perfect body can never be achieved, nor the perfect posture, nor the flawless surface. American author George Orwell wrote, "While the Pobble was in the water some unidentified creatures came and ate his toes off, and when he got home his aunt remarked: It's a fact the whole world knows, that Pobbles are happier without their toes." "Pobbles" and women are uncannily similar in their plight. Women discipline their bodies. At least Pobbles had their toes bitten off.

hmm.

PITTER PATTER, RAINDROPS SPLATTER

somehow, LSG just sounds good with this weather...


storm brewing just past 4

five minutes later...


talk about foggy

and then...


closer to free

everything in its time.

WAR OF THE WORLDS

nixon: hey serene, can you tell me what make all the aliens in the movie "war of the worlds" die?

me: umm...hard to explain, but it's the very micro-organisms we humans live off or can tahan that the aliens couldn't.

nixon: i tot so, but it stupid. alien plan the invasion for million of yrs to harvest human as food yet not expect food poisoning.

is it just me, or is his response funny as hell?

HOT IN HERE...

you know it's true when:

1) a macs wait staff comes up to you while you're in a queue, taps you on your shoulder, and says (in cantonese) that you've got a nice figure;

2) one of your dance mates exclaims how sexy you looked in that white skirt saturday night;

3) the receptionist keeps harping on you to stop wearing your tank tops.

when did i ever become the center of such comments?

it's fucking hilarious.

BIGGER THAN MY BODY

someday i'll fly
someday i'll soar
someday i'll be so damn much more
cause i'm bigger than my body gives me credit for

someone told me this last night:

"you're not little superhero girl, you know."

how obvious is it that this someone knows i'm not dillusional?

how closely has he listened to the lyrics of the song?

i feel like a little girl
trying to conquer the whole wide world
everybody wants a piece of me
and i just don't know where to turn.

even angus admitted that he could see me writing such lyrics because it's just so...me.

i know can't cast a "pink-poodles-that-bark-but-don't-bite" spell over the whole world.

but i can change the world. one asshole at a time.

the short skirt seemed to have worked pretty well last night.

i felt so different dancing in it...in the words of some of the guys from last night, i looked "hot and sexy" in the short thang.

um...okay.

HEY BIG SPENDER

spend a little time with me.

makes me wanna touch myself all over, hit the floor and do a head flick.

i still remember wanting to perform this song (a lap dance inclusive) at an event several years back.

yes, pre-exotic days.

on hindsight, nah...don't think i would've been able to carry it off.

then again, if angus and andreas already think roxie was hot...

imagine what they'd think of me now. =P

philbie said i'm becoming "sexier".

perhaps it's because i've put on some weight so i look less boney. (wheeee!)

the short skirt today sure created a lotta attention.

the receptionist kept scrutinizing me from head to toe, whenever i walked by her.

ashley let out a loud "WOW" when i came into the room.

i wonder if this skirt should ever see the light of day again. *blush*

so uh...those of you reading this now and seeing me tonight...

just pretend i'm wearing shorts okay? ;)

*which i am, under the short, short skirt.

SATURDAY IN THE PARK

now here's a short one, with pictures from an event i hosted saturday afternoon.

after a press conference to launch the youth community space behind orchard cineleisure, minister of MCYS vivian balakrishnan was supposed to try out the flying fox at Urban Infest just across the road from the youth park.

and so he gets suited up...


let me at it!

and starts making his way to the top...


you'd better let me win this one...=)

where he gets prepped on what to do to make his way down safely on the flying fox...


spot the minister

and off he goes...


wheeeeeee....

and as he approaches the halfway point, he...


stop the minister

STOPS.

that's right. the stupid thing stops.

apparently, the wires weren't angulated enough.

and so, the fella sits there and starts waving at everyone peering at him from below...(and the press are having a field day)

about a minute later, two guys grabbed the rope attached to the minister's harness and pulled him down.

LAND.

IF I KISSED YOU

and if i kissed you
would you lose track of time
would you feel the surge of happiness
running up your spine
would you run naked in the street
with a tattoo of my name on your behind

if i kissed you.

- corrinne may.

this song hasn't stopped being on replay since i got hold of her album.

this, and "save me" are two songs i absolutely have to listen to on a long bus ride home.

picture this:

you board the bus.

as you walk to a vacant seat, you sight this girl mouthing something, and looking blissfully at the passing scenary.

you sit down and keep observing this girl.

you catch her tapping her feet, accenting her rhythm at several points and moving her fingers like she's playing an imaginary keyboard.

as she stops running her fingers across her bag, she smiles...and glances at her ring.

she fingers her ring.

and smiles again.

that girl is me.

i look like i'm blissfully unaware of the grey shade enveloping my surroundings.

i look like i'm happily engaged or married.

i look like i'm...well, happy.

and i am, happy. at least for the duration of songs like the two abovementioned.

the ring is a deliberate effort to keep men at bay.

though sometimes, i feel the ring perpetuates my singlehood.

such is the irony of my reality; your pseudo-reality.

as the melody of the songs die down, the shade of grey seems to creep closer...and i find myself reaching out, trying to grab on to any song that'll take my hand.

i scroll clumsily through my playlists, finding that one extra number that'll keep me up five minutes longer.

and when i can't get my fix, i'd fall into withdrawal.

in some odd way, i feel like a hardcore addict for my faith.

though you can't blame me, can you?

it's the only thing that's been constant in my life, from my days as a wallflower till my present.

MUSIC IS MY RELIGION.

i sing for you and only you
wherever i go i find you
you're in the sound of every hello
in everything i do

you're the song i was destined to know
and i'll only sing for you.

- daniel letterle, i sing for you

he is my lover...one whom i'm never afraid to call MY LIFE.

my pride was never an issue in this relationship, because i've always been at the receiving end.

he's taught me how to love, and in the absence of giving, to embrace the love one might give.

there was a time another came close to rivaling my love - salsa - and i was in turmoil for a while.

how could i love another?

but he was kind, and told me to go.

and i realized that love need not be spread between the two, but that it could be multiplied.

so they compromised and co-exist in my life now.

but THIS part of me will belong to him, and him only.

I WANT TO SING.

on a lighter note, curtis and i decided we're gonna enter the next Amazing Race! =)


ashley, curtis, me

we gatecrashed curtis' dad's wedding to check him out...him and his tux.


c'mon girls, give me a kiss!

and he insisted on having his sunglasses on for the rest of the pictures.


agent smith and his babes

so you think we'd be able to pass off as a long-distance dating couple? ;)

the fashion shoot pictures seem to be getting a few hits...interesting.

here's another guy who loves being flanked by ladies in pink...


me, ricky, ling

in other news,

i've just been informed i'll be attending a dialogue session with the Prime Minister.

uhhuh.

ashley: eh, what would you ask the PM ah?

silence.

me: uh...i don't know, seriously. what would you ask?

ashley: i also don't know leh.

so...here's our topic for the day:

IF YOU COULD ASK THE PRIME MINISTER ONE QUESTION, WHAT WOULD IT BE?

*yes, i'm looking for a response. tag, comment, email...just speak up. =)

ROLL WITH IT

this was the start of a majorly fun saturday evening at union...


pinkertons...not!

...and it started with all of us in pink.

us girls got so excited when we saw each other in pink that when ling and i bumped into daphne near the entrance, we shrieked in delight!

(don't expect me to turn into a girly girl now...)

we were tired, but dang...we had fun.

i had more than a "hi" with one of the sweetest girls ever that evening (in a non-gay way).

thanks evelyn, you made my evening, simply by smiling at me. =)

boon's also passed me the shots he took for his assignment, so check my flickr album out to view them.

i need to pee now.

WORK IT

a friend who's working with the MCYS said they're planning a "thank you" dinner for the volunteers who helped out at SHINE.

she said i'm invited.

she said when the team was wondering who should emcee the dinner, her boss said "serene".

ALAMAK.

every event i've gone to this year, i've hosted.

every event i've been invited to, i'm going to host.

i sure hope i get to sit down for this one.