crush is outta my head...like, totally. thank god...haha.

am now starting to get all paranoid over my law exams. don't really think i can cope with all four papers but i sure as hell am gonna try. am gonna piece my life together again and get it back on track, meaning i'm gonna study the hell outta me. once yen is back in melbourne, it's just gonna be me, my books and the library...

would really like to get back into shape...as in, stamina-wise and muscles, instead of flab and fats. am so totally disgusted with those deals.

forget it...i think we're just not meant to be.

from today, i'll try to get the crush outta my head so i can concentrate on more important matters at hand.

dude,

why do you so remind me of the soulmate i had? the one that didn't work out and became my best friend...purely because we ran along the same wavelength. it's heartwarming to finally get to know someone who's so potentially cole, yet so unique in his own way. while i have to admit wondering if you were just another one of those guys who picks girls up in bars (thus the note), you seem to be somewhat more normal and grounded (normal as per my subjectivity, of course). then again, you might be one of those "i'll-just-say-whatever-you-want-me-to-say" kinda guys...and i wouldn't know.

for the past few weeks, things such as chapter 2s and stuff have been popping into my mind now and then. and while i recognize all these thoughts as terribly trivial, compared to everything else that's going on in the world and my life, i just can't help them clouding my head some times. i wish these thoughts would stop.

my usual method of getting rid of these thoughts would be to avoid the person in question, and not have any contact with him whatsoever...for quite a while. i've never quite acted out on these thoughts. probably because i'd hate to have someone treat me as i've treated others...something similar to going cold turkey. my feelings are mostly induced though, so ridding myself of them is relatively easy. or perhaps, as my mom puts it, i truly am a "cold person".

so thank you for passing me the note. it was a really nice gesture and something i thought would only happen in stories. and oh, thank you for being whatever you were after that. because from what i saw, you sure have no lack of smooth in the charm department. it's just my bad for feeling this way.

you're a complete mystery to me.

he came by tonight and was absolutely charming the pants off everyone. it was like, i was so busy i completely forgot he was coming, until he showed up at the door. as soon as he came in, yen and my mom (who were trying really hard to open the bottle of wine) asked for help to pull out the cork. he stepped in immediately and helped out. that, and passing me a huge box of stuff from bengawan solo. when my grandaunt commented that he's very nice to bring so many things over, he told her right back that it was nice of me to invite him.

franz talked to him most of the night cuz i was busy trying to make the others feel at home. think he did a REALLY good job cuz they seemed to hit it off pretty good. the group i spent the least time with was stan, johnny and spouses. i feel so terribly guilty about inviting everyone i didn't have time to entertain. thank god for pple like franz...he talked to almost everyone!

not too long after he arrived, yen pulled me into my room and exclaimed that he's really good-looking, and that i should "go for it"...haha. then as i went down and talked to a few other pple, he was speaking to eugene and the rest. when we finally got to talk a little while i was eating, it seemed like he'd already charmed my whole family...plus yen (who was watching from the sidelines). vernon then came up to me and asked if he was the one who "approached me" kinda deal...sigh.

when he was about to leave, we took a pic together and geez...eugene just messed the pic up...haha. he covered the lens and the flash...double jeopardy! guess it was just not meant to be. as he left, i told him that yen thought he was cute, then he changed the subject to when and where my next flight is to. he's getting his roster on thursday...so that'll be interesting. after he left (and i went back in), they were all teasing me and robin was saying things like "you should've gotten more pictures of him and you together" and "you guys look really compatible" and shit. they all agreed that he seemed like a gentleman. yen just had to add that he really impressed her with the way he presented himself...sorta quiet, yet confident. and she was telling vernon that he was the "best catch" so far with regards to the guys who've ever been interested in me. when i pointed out that there didn't seem to be any sparks between the two of us, she countered that he seemed really interested and that he was trying to get to know my family. i then thought that he was doing all this cuz we were, after all, the hosts.

sure...he's my type. that's the problem. i don't wanna get too close to be disappointed later that he is, indeed, not interested. oh well, life goes on. great party, by the way.