imagine...in twenty minutes, i'll be on my way to the airport.
so what the hell am i doing still typing away on the computer?
that's me for you. blogging is the only thing that's constant...and given the technology, i'd be blogging on the plane ride home as well. solace. it's solace for me...especially when i'm feeling far beyond happy.
this is the time when i welcome weight. to distract me from the supposed lightness i'm supposed to feel after a holiday.
i'm leaving.
a welcomed goodbye to glendora and a bittersweet hello to my home dock in singapore.
this opulent yet empty vessel...is trying to fill itself up again.
Thursday, September 30, 2004
Wednesday, September 29, 2004
i'll be leavin' on a jetplane in the morning.
and i'm guessing the trip back home will present many, many revelations.
that's because i'll FINALLY be alone. and i'll so welcome the solitude.
i'm just hoping i won't burst into tears the moment the plane leaves LAX.
it's just odd how totally devoid of cheer i am...especially when this was supposed to be a "rejuvenating holiday".
when my aunt asked if i was dreading going back to the stress awaiting me monday, i replied "not necessarily".
i'd rather immerse myself in work and get stressed out with everyone else than be put down on my holiday.
the next time i take a holiday, i'm going to mexico.
and i'm going with people outside the family.
but my brother can join me.
he's cool shit.
and i'm guessing the trip back home will present many, many revelations.
that's because i'll FINALLY be alone. and i'll so welcome the solitude.
i'm just hoping i won't burst into tears the moment the plane leaves LAX.
it's just odd how totally devoid of cheer i am...especially when this was supposed to be a "rejuvenating holiday".
when my aunt asked if i was dreading going back to the stress awaiting me monday, i replied "not necessarily".
i'd rather immerse myself in work and get stressed out with everyone else than be put down on my holiday.
the next time i take a holiday, i'm going to mexico.
and i'm going with people outside the family.
but my brother can join me.
he's cool shit.
Tuesday, September 28, 2004
i feel empty.
i'm flying back in just two days and i feel empty.
it's like...i came on this trip to find something and to spend some time with myself...but i haven't been able to do either.
so unless i get hit by a revelation in the next 48 hours, i'll be boarding the plane on an empty vessel craving for soul food.
in order to please other people, i have, once again, failed to feed myself.
and i have no one to blame for this but myself.
after all, it was i who agreed to the itinerary...
i feel tired having to put on a consensual smile everytime i feel the lack of enthusiasm rising.
so yes, to help these women feel less miserable, i lower myself further into the depths of misery.
i am feeling absolutely depressed.
but, at least, it's for a good cause.
let me lay down and cry for a moment.
i'm flying back in just two days and i feel empty.
it's like...i came on this trip to find something and to spend some time with myself...but i haven't been able to do either.
so unless i get hit by a revelation in the next 48 hours, i'll be boarding the plane on an empty vessel craving for soul food.
in order to please other people, i have, once again, failed to feed myself.
and i have no one to blame for this but myself.
after all, it was i who agreed to the itinerary...
i feel tired having to put on a consensual smile everytime i feel the lack of enthusiasm rising.
so yes, to help these women feel less miserable, i lower myself further into the depths of misery.
i am feeling absolutely depressed.
but, at least, it's for a good cause.
let me lay down and cry for a moment.
Monday, September 27, 2004
Saturday, September 25, 2004
Toffee-ettes from See's Candies rock my world...
a day of more shopping with the laydees. this shop called papaya is bringing out the girl in me. like...THE GIRL.
i never saw myself in anything more than a pair of jeans and top.
new york changed everything. i now know how to accessorize and dress up more.
and mom pulled out this really hot halter dress from a rack in papaya. it looks perfect for salsa caliente!
yes, i got it.
Cute Guys
i love how the men around new york city look.
the guys in suits and uniforms. man...they're hot.
sigh...they're so cute. and that's it.
they're cute and smart. and probably single.
but i ain't a new yorker. sigh.
"I'm Sorry, I Don't Know English"
when conversing with the locals, i use american english.
by american english, i don't mean it like it's a whole new language. well, maybe it is. but i'm referring to all the slangs that they use instead of the words dictated by Regina aka The Queen.
and i sound quite convincing.
but there are times when i just pretend i don't know the language.
like when there're men on the street trying to pick me up while i'm with my mom. i try hard not to retort...and look ignorant.
there was this one time along times square, when this guy walked by and actually stopped, turned around and said
"you're a little cutie, aren't you?"
and i heard that! i walked away.
some of these comments just plain gross me out.
Rockefeller Center
this, in my opinion, is the most magical place in the world.
it was at this very square that i found myself.
i was 16. it was after my 'O's. i went to LA to visit my aunt over winter. dropped in on NYC for a tour.
that was my first visit and i already felt like home. i was 16...imagine that.
there i was...standing in front of the world's largest christmas tree, feeling as warm as can be, while the others were freezing their asses off.
NYC holds a special place in my heart.
a day of more shopping with the laydees. this shop called papaya is bringing out the girl in me. like...THE GIRL.
i never saw myself in anything more than a pair of jeans and top.
new york changed everything. i now know how to accessorize and dress up more.
and mom pulled out this really hot halter dress from a rack in papaya. it looks perfect for salsa caliente!
yes, i got it.
Cute Guys
i love how the men around new york city look.
the guys in suits and uniforms. man...they're hot.
sigh...they're so cute. and that's it.
they're cute and smart. and probably single.
but i ain't a new yorker. sigh.
"I'm Sorry, I Don't Know English"
when conversing with the locals, i use american english.
by american english, i don't mean it like it's a whole new language. well, maybe it is. but i'm referring to all the slangs that they use instead of the words dictated by Regina aka The Queen.
and i sound quite convincing.
but there are times when i just pretend i don't know the language.
like when there're men on the street trying to pick me up while i'm with my mom. i try hard not to retort...and look ignorant.
there was this one time along times square, when this guy walked by and actually stopped, turned around and said
"you're a little cutie, aren't you?"
and i heard that! i walked away.
some of these comments just plain gross me out.
Rockefeller Center
this, in my opinion, is the most magical place in the world.
it was at this very square that i found myself.
i was 16. it was after my 'O's. i went to LA to visit my aunt over winter. dropped in on NYC for a tour.
that was my first visit and i already felt like home. i was 16...imagine that.
there i was...standing in front of the world's largest christmas tree, feeling as warm as can be, while the others were freezing their asses off.
NYC holds a special place in my heart.
Friday, September 24, 2004
a taro ball and a spoonful of fried rice for breakfast, and we're good to go.
something i took fooling around with the cam while mom took a nap at the Y...
NIKE
as in "just do it" nike.
i have a love-hate relationship with the brand. i love it because it makes clothes that fit me wonderfully, and i hate it because i spend way too much on it.
i swear...the nike store on fifth avenue could've survived the day on just one customer - me.
if the japanese weren't so into girly branded shit like gucci and more into nike, i'd probably pale in comparison. but man...this nike freak went wild then.
everything i tried on fitted swell. i just stopped trying stuff on at one point because i knew i'd HAVE TO buy them.
but, like i told my brother, i am very happy with my purchases. they should last me a long while.
Shopping
yes...nike was it. but it wasn't it all.
there were the NBC store, Virgin records and the GAP...among others.
i tried to find myself another trenchcoat (less the double lining) but couldn't. most of them were way too warm for singapore weather.
and then i realize how my sense of style came about. it's new york style baby.
and that's a relief, cuz i can't imagine where else i'd model my style after. ha.
trenchcoats are so indigenous to new york city that if they were seen on people working anywhere else in the world, they'd look plain weird.
and i love looking plain weird. ;)
Drivers
NYC drivers are fucking impatient.
it's tough not to generalize them because their behavior is so apparant at every observation.
you turn your car out of its parallel parking lot and stop for a moment to check on traffic. a split second later, horns start blaring. apparantly, YOU are blocking the way.
you can imagine how noisy the city is during the day then.
Fat People
you know how horizontally-challenged some people are. that's why south-west came up with the "pay for an extra seat" crap.
so there i was with mom, sitting in the forbidden broadway theater...it was a small outfit, tucked away in a little, dark corner on 42nd street. the seats were old and their armrests were metal ones which were stationary.
in comes two HUGE people. they came in, inched their way painfully into the middle of the row (like hell! why couldn't they have been seated at the aisle to save everyone else the trouble and them from humiliation?!), and proceeded to sit down.
and so they did. they propped their butts onto the seat, only to have their cheeks stuck between the two armrests that divide the seats.
now normally, you'd push the armrests up. but because these are, like, old and metal ones, you simply can't.
so what did those two fellas do? the squeezed their cheeks past those metal bars and yes, they finally felt cushion.
i was three rows back and could actually hear their cheeks squeezing past those bars. geez.
I FEEL STIFLED IN THE COMPANY OF WOMEN WHO OPPRESS THEMSELVES.
something i took fooling around with the cam while mom took a nap at the Y...
NIKE
as in "just do it" nike.
i have a love-hate relationship with the brand. i love it because it makes clothes that fit me wonderfully, and i hate it because i spend way too much on it.
i swear...the nike store on fifth avenue could've survived the day on just one customer - me.
if the japanese weren't so into girly branded shit like gucci and more into nike, i'd probably pale in comparison. but man...this nike freak went wild then.
everything i tried on fitted swell. i just stopped trying stuff on at one point because i knew i'd HAVE TO buy them.
but, like i told my brother, i am very happy with my purchases. they should last me a long while.
Shopping
yes...nike was it. but it wasn't it all.
there were the NBC store, Virgin records and the GAP...among others.
i tried to find myself another trenchcoat (less the double lining) but couldn't. most of them were way too warm for singapore weather.
and then i realize how my sense of style came about. it's new york style baby.
and that's a relief, cuz i can't imagine where else i'd model my style after. ha.
trenchcoats are so indigenous to new york city that if they were seen on people working anywhere else in the world, they'd look plain weird.
and i love looking plain weird. ;)
Drivers
NYC drivers are fucking impatient.
it's tough not to generalize them because their behavior is so apparant at every observation.
you turn your car out of its parallel parking lot and stop for a moment to check on traffic. a split second later, horns start blaring. apparantly, YOU are blocking the way.
you can imagine how noisy the city is during the day then.
Fat People
you know how horizontally-challenged some people are. that's why south-west came up with the "pay for an extra seat" crap.
so there i was with mom, sitting in the forbidden broadway theater...it was a small outfit, tucked away in a little, dark corner on 42nd street. the seats were old and their armrests were metal ones which were stationary.
in comes two HUGE people. they came in, inched their way painfully into the middle of the row (like hell! why couldn't they have been seated at the aisle to save everyone else the trouble and them from humiliation?!), and proceeded to sit down.
and so they did. they propped their butts onto the seat, only to have their cheeks stuck between the two armrests that divide the seats.
now normally, you'd push the armrests up. but because these are, like, old and metal ones, you simply can't.
so what did those two fellas do? the squeezed their cheeks past those metal bars and yes, they finally felt cushion.
i was three rows back and could actually hear their cheeks squeezing past those bars. geez.
I FEEL STIFLED IN THE COMPANY OF WOMEN WHO OPPRESS THEMSELVES.
okay, so i'm back from lunch. and i shall continue my tales...
Mom
look, Mom's not an acronym for anything. it's just plain Mom. as in mother. my mother.
my mom is afraid of everything.
she's afraid of new york in general. the stuff she gets from the news...or movies. dark streets, muggers, blacks, blacks, and blacks. she's afraid of how walking along even times square late at night will lead to some stick-up.
but i yanked her out there and showed her how warped her perception of new york was.
i made her walk with me all around manhattan, watch a musical, talk to people, and walk back to the Y after the musical.
it was darn frustrating even trying to get her out there, but hell...i did it. ;)
mom had jetlag. she woke up at 3am for the nights at the Y. and i had no choice but to stay up with her...because my eyes are especially photo-sensitive and i won't be able to rest with the lights on.
mom developed a backache and a sore ankle in NYC. sigh.
and for her sake, i've just made a decision.
and i know you'll feel my pain when i tell you what it is. if you know me and what this whole trip was meant to be, that is.
Times Square
i've always loved Times Square for the energy it possesses.
the bright lights are so vegas, yet classy at the same time.
times square reminds me of theater, billboards like the one below. and fun.
the energy rejuvenates me...in the absence of dance. i love my dancing.
the coke billboard has been the focal point of times square since the beginning of time. and it's cool shit.
you see a lemon coke ad, but it's really just an LCD screen that has various coke ads flashing one after another. but the ad stayed a coke can.
hmm. that invoked some thought.
i fell in love with this thing the moment i saw it...
geoffrey caught my heart.
Forbidden Broadway
hilarious shit.
les miserable = more miserable
rent = rant
oklahoma = old revivals
into the woods = into the words
those were the posters hanging on the sides of the tiny theater we went to on 42nd street.
my mother has become a theater convert ;)
all righty. i'll be right back in a new york minute.
as you can tell, i'm STILL in a new york state of mind.
Mom
look, Mom's not an acronym for anything. it's just plain Mom. as in mother. my mother.
my mom is afraid of everything.
she's afraid of new york in general. the stuff she gets from the news...or movies. dark streets, muggers, blacks, blacks, and blacks. she's afraid of how walking along even times square late at night will lead to some stick-up.
but i yanked her out there and showed her how warped her perception of new york was.
i made her walk with me all around manhattan, watch a musical, talk to people, and walk back to the Y after the musical.
it was darn frustrating even trying to get her out there, but hell...i did it. ;)
mom had jetlag. she woke up at 3am for the nights at the Y. and i had no choice but to stay up with her...because my eyes are especially photo-sensitive and i won't be able to rest with the lights on.
mom developed a backache and a sore ankle in NYC. sigh.
and for her sake, i've just made a decision.
and i know you'll feel my pain when i tell you what it is. if you know me and what this whole trip was meant to be, that is.
Times Square
i've always loved Times Square for the energy it possesses.
the bright lights are so vegas, yet classy at the same time.
times square reminds me of theater, billboards like the one below. and fun.
the energy rejuvenates me...in the absence of dance. i love my dancing.
the coke billboard has been the focal point of times square since the beginning of time. and it's cool shit.
you see a lemon coke ad, but it's really just an LCD screen that has various coke ads flashing one after another. but the ad stayed a coke can.
hmm. that invoked some thought.
i fell in love with this thing the moment i saw it...
geoffrey caught my heart.
Forbidden Broadway
hilarious shit.
les miserable = more miserable
rent = rant
oklahoma = old revivals
into the woods = into the words
those were the posters hanging on the sides of the tiny theater we went to on 42nd street.
my mother has become a theater convert ;)
all righty. i'll be right back in a new york minute.
as you can tell, i'm STILL in a new york state of mind.
Thursday, September 23, 2004
it's hard to keep up with the barrage of thoughts raging through my mind.
two and a third of a day in new york. extremely helpful to my wellbeing. further cementing the fact that i'm gonna have to live and work there for a bit.
i'm such the city girl.
and because my mind was flooded by thousands of fleeting thoughts over those days, i'd take out my handphone and key in keywords as i strode along the streets.
so here, i shall start my accounts. in random order, and a few illustrations ;)
New York City Yellow Cabs
the elusive yellow top that brings on stereotypical images of the men (or women) driving them.
and you think singapore cabbies are cash-guzzlers...
anyways, it's fucking difficult to grab a cab in central manhattan. not that i've tried...but i've seen people flagging these maniacal driving machines down. not a pretty sight.
and no matter what you see on TV, the cabs always seem to be occupied! you can stand there for a bloody half hour and still not have one stop in front of you.
which brings me to...
Driving in NYC
you think the streets of KL are bad?
check out the rows of vehicles on the street behind my mom. that's central manhattan for you.
i mean, it's not that i haven't seen it...just thought you'd like to know. for those who have only seen the streets from martin scorcese's point of view...;)
the streets are packed through the day. and while it's a lot worse to be driving during the peak period...it does seem like perpetual peakness the whole day through.
oh, by the way, my mom's standing at the edge of times square.
MacDonalds
ah...bacon and egg cheese biscuit. why the hell don't they have that on the breakfast menu in singapore?!!
hell, i'd even appreciate a fruit parfait on the menu.
i could eat the cheese biscuit shit daily. it's good stuff.
one morning, my mom announces that she will not eat bread anymore. and i'm scratching my head for what to present to her for lunch...since practically everything around is bread-related. hot dogs, pizzas, burgers, sandwiches.
no choice. we headed for a japanese restaurant. nuff said. bleah.
all right. again, because i know people only absorb messages in such shortness, i'll stop here.
perhaps i'll be back in a few hours to fart out more new york stories.
i love new york. i wish i were there a lot longer.
two and a third of a day in new york. extremely helpful to my wellbeing. further cementing the fact that i'm gonna have to live and work there for a bit.
i'm such the city girl.
and because my mind was flooded by thousands of fleeting thoughts over those days, i'd take out my handphone and key in keywords as i strode along the streets.
so here, i shall start my accounts. in random order, and a few illustrations ;)
New York City Yellow Cabs
the elusive yellow top that brings on stereotypical images of the men (or women) driving them.
and you think singapore cabbies are cash-guzzlers...
anyways, it's fucking difficult to grab a cab in central manhattan. not that i've tried...but i've seen people flagging these maniacal driving machines down. not a pretty sight.
and no matter what you see on TV, the cabs always seem to be occupied! you can stand there for a bloody half hour and still not have one stop in front of you.
which brings me to...
Driving in NYC
you think the streets of KL are bad?
check out the rows of vehicles on the street behind my mom. that's central manhattan for you.
i mean, it's not that i haven't seen it...just thought you'd like to know. for those who have only seen the streets from martin scorcese's point of view...;)
the streets are packed through the day. and while it's a lot worse to be driving during the peak period...it does seem like perpetual peakness the whole day through.
oh, by the way, my mom's standing at the edge of times square.
MacDonalds
ah...bacon and egg cheese biscuit. why the hell don't they have that on the breakfast menu in singapore?!!
hell, i'd even appreciate a fruit parfait on the menu.
i could eat the cheese biscuit shit daily. it's good stuff.
one morning, my mom announces that she will not eat bread anymore. and i'm scratching my head for what to present to her for lunch...since practically everything around is bread-related. hot dogs, pizzas, burgers, sandwiches.
no choice. we headed for a japanese restaurant. nuff said. bleah.
all right. again, because i know people only absorb messages in such shortness, i'll stop here.
perhaps i'll be back in a few hours to fart out more new york stories.
i love new york. i wish i were there a lot longer.
Sunday, September 19, 2004
so i'm back from my aunt's birthday celebrations.
well...it's really still going on because the fellas are just waiting for time to pass so they can send me off at the airport in the wee morning. ;)
i felt tempted to join them for a movie, but decided to come home for some lone time.
all the fatigue seemed to disappear as soon as i washed my face and stepped into my air-conditioned room. i mean, i'm still tired, but i feel like i can stay up for the next few hours just to type this entry. and then leave for the airport.
tonight felt like home. most of the sstt were around...and the night just played out like we never left each other at all.
i'm just a teeny bit apprehensive about the trip.
job-wise, i've already done what i could in this short amount of time to help ashley adapt. and i figure she's doing rather well. she just has to believe in herself more, and not get intimidated by people who speak down to her.
angus says i've come a long way since SQ, and i believe so. that failed interview with a company was proof of how sharp i've become with my words...and even its non-executive director said i was "fiesty". you're damn right i'm fiesty...shithead.
anyways...ashley's more vocal than i am, so i figure she'll definitely make a better journalist than me...in time, that is ;)
ray came by for aunt's birthday. man...that idiot hasn't changed a bit. and they say that the army turns boys into men. his "couldn't-care-less" tone totally irks me...so much that whenever he speaks, i just hear static and wanna cover my ears. to think that i'll be seeing him at the airport later when we both know it's just too damn awkward to be in each other's presence.
the whole week has been a series of awkward happenings, i suppose.
thursday night's shirley valentine. mark waite and i shared two awkward moments. i'm not sure if angus noticed, but it was pretty obvious to me. i believed if i was more the air-kisser, he wouldn't have felt as odd as i thought he did. which brings me to...
sincerity. there are several things that i just can't stand (again):
1) people who speak too loud
2) people who speak too loud and flightily
3) people who speak too loud and flightily and whose eyes wander around
4) people who speak too loud and flightily and whose eyes wander around when talking TO YOU
when people speak too loud and try to pass it off as a normal facet of their speech, i think "they don't know shit". especially when their eyes start to wander. unless, of course, they're autistic or schizo or whatever other mental illness they possess.
and because i sense these things the moment i meet a person, hardly anyone intimidates me anymore. ;)
and i shall stop right here before i dig myself a deeper shithole.
"i'm in a new york state of mind" - billy joel
well...it's really still going on because the fellas are just waiting for time to pass so they can send me off at the airport in the wee morning. ;)
i felt tempted to join them for a movie, but decided to come home for some lone time.
all the fatigue seemed to disappear as soon as i washed my face and stepped into my air-conditioned room. i mean, i'm still tired, but i feel like i can stay up for the next few hours just to type this entry. and then leave for the airport.
tonight felt like home. most of the sstt were around...and the night just played out like we never left each other at all.
i'm just a teeny bit apprehensive about the trip.
job-wise, i've already done what i could in this short amount of time to help ashley adapt. and i figure she's doing rather well. she just has to believe in herself more, and not get intimidated by people who speak down to her.
angus says i've come a long way since SQ, and i believe so. that failed interview with a company was proof of how sharp i've become with my words...and even its non-executive director said i was "fiesty". you're damn right i'm fiesty...shithead.
anyways...ashley's more vocal than i am, so i figure she'll definitely make a better journalist than me...in time, that is ;)
ray came by for aunt's birthday. man...that idiot hasn't changed a bit. and they say that the army turns boys into men. his "couldn't-care-less" tone totally irks me...so much that whenever he speaks, i just hear static and wanna cover my ears. to think that i'll be seeing him at the airport later when we both know it's just too damn awkward to be in each other's presence.
the whole week has been a series of awkward happenings, i suppose.
thursday night's shirley valentine. mark waite and i shared two awkward moments. i'm not sure if angus noticed, but it was pretty obvious to me. i believed if i was more the air-kisser, he wouldn't have felt as odd as i thought he did. which brings me to...
sincerity. there are several things that i just can't stand (again):
1) people who speak too loud
2) people who speak too loud and flightily
3) people who speak too loud and flightily and whose eyes wander around
4) people who speak too loud and flightily and whose eyes wander around when talking TO YOU
when people speak too loud and try to pass it off as a normal facet of their speech, i think "they don't know shit". especially when their eyes start to wander. unless, of course, they're autistic or schizo or whatever other mental illness they possess.
and because i sense these things the moment i meet a person, hardly anyone intimidates me anymore. ;)
and i shall stop right here before i dig myself a deeper shithole.
"i'm in a new york state of mind" - billy joel
Saturday, September 18, 2004
here's one for the road...
or rather, one until i get back from my aunt's birthday celebrations and just a few before i have to head off to the airport.
of course you've heard my lament about not having a partner to dance with.
it was my last salsa I class last night and post-class, i had a string of guys to dance with...haha...man, last night was cool...i was spun around like never before. and then funny shit happened...
one of my classmates called eddie, he had a friend who's finished salsa II called matthew. matthew introduced this girl to eddie, and eddie wanted to introduce me to matthew, but i refused and said i need a break. before you label me anti-social, i didn't wanna be "introduced" to matthew because i didn't wanna dance with him! the last time we danced, i found that he was so outta rhythm i simply couldn't follow. so i went out for a drink, and guess what? matthew comes out. he looks around awkwardly for a while, then asks "you're serene, right?" and i'm thinking "oh fuck." and he asks if i would like to dance. so i said "are you sure? i'm definitely not as twirly as you and i can't keep up with you." (here i'm thinking "bloody hell why won't you just leave it at that?")
well anyways, we went into fiesta and started dancing. as expected, i couldn't keep up...or rather...i still don't know what's up with him and his not dancing to the beat of the music. as far as i know, salsa's ALL ABOUT THE RHYTHM. dang.
i left after one song.
i wish i could've done a couple more songs with eddie. he and i make quite good dancing partners...he's the only guy in class who doesn't look at his feet and mouth the counts of the steps. and he smiles as well. ha.
so salsa II starts 8th October. am so looking forward to that ;) spin me baby!
thursday night: shirley valentine.
angus got us tickets to the show at the arts house at old parliament.
by the end of it, we had a few things to say about it. a few praises, but mostly, few words to describe how we felt about it.
personally, i wasn't enraptured by the performer. perhaps i just don't like monologues. hmm. angus and i kinda deduced that because the content of the performance was dated, and that it doesn't really apply to present times, it kinda lost its fervor about a third through the show.
one part of the show nearly had me tearing though. just that one part. and it was THE END.
when karen tan bowed to the audience (which size was comparable to college girls' gig), the small room filled with applause. the applause blew me away...and the support that the actress had was fantastic.
it hit me then.
i'd like that feeling.
no...not having people applaud me (well yes, that...but it's not a priority). it's not about having them heave praises on you (cuz most of them are fake shit).
it's about the audience. and how some seemingly irreverant word, or phrase, can make people ponder, and laugh. it's the words that people relate to. not the context.
i suddenly feel like singing.
or rather, one until i get back from my aunt's birthday celebrations and just a few before i have to head off to the airport.
of course you've heard my lament about not having a partner to dance with.
it was my last salsa I class last night and post-class, i had a string of guys to dance with...haha...man, last night was cool...i was spun around like never before. and then funny shit happened...
one of my classmates called eddie, he had a friend who's finished salsa II called matthew. matthew introduced this girl to eddie, and eddie wanted to introduce me to matthew, but i refused and said i need a break. before you label me anti-social, i didn't wanna be "introduced" to matthew because i didn't wanna dance with him! the last time we danced, i found that he was so outta rhythm i simply couldn't follow. so i went out for a drink, and guess what? matthew comes out. he looks around awkwardly for a while, then asks "you're serene, right?" and i'm thinking "oh fuck." and he asks if i would like to dance. so i said "are you sure? i'm definitely not as twirly as you and i can't keep up with you." (here i'm thinking "bloody hell why won't you just leave it at that?")
well anyways, we went into fiesta and started dancing. as expected, i couldn't keep up...or rather...i still don't know what's up with him and his not dancing to the beat of the music. as far as i know, salsa's ALL ABOUT THE RHYTHM. dang.
i left after one song.
i wish i could've done a couple more songs with eddie. he and i make quite good dancing partners...he's the only guy in class who doesn't look at his feet and mouth the counts of the steps. and he smiles as well. ha.
so salsa II starts 8th October. am so looking forward to that ;) spin me baby!
thursday night: shirley valentine.
angus got us tickets to the show at the arts house at old parliament.
by the end of it, we had a few things to say about it. a few praises, but mostly, few words to describe how we felt about it.
personally, i wasn't enraptured by the performer. perhaps i just don't like monologues. hmm. angus and i kinda deduced that because the content of the performance was dated, and that it doesn't really apply to present times, it kinda lost its fervor about a third through the show.
one part of the show nearly had me tearing though. just that one part. and it was THE END.
when karen tan bowed to the audience (which size was comparable to college girls' gig), the small room filled with applause. the applause blew me away...and the support that the actress had was fantastic.
it hit me then.
i'd like that feeling.
no...not having people applaud me (well yes, that...but it's not a priority). it's not about having them heave praises on you (cuz most of them are fake shit).
it's about the audience. and how some seemingly irreverant word, or phrase, can make people ponder, and laugh. it's the words that people relate to. not the context.
i suddenly feel like singing.
Wednesday, September 15, 2004
i wish i could've spent more time at the library today.
phonecalls beseiged me through my entire duration there and i simply couldn't concentrate any longer.
though i did manage to complete one more report before i headed for home...and errands.
i'd say today was rather productive still...considering the number of people i spoke to about the stock market. tonight's interviews with a few women re-affirmed the popular (yet often under-pored) opinion that women are a powerful demographic.
the bosses would certainly be interested to hear my findings...;)
felt pretty drained today...am not sure why, but hey, i got some work done!
perhaps the little flower around my neck is giving me luck, and strength.
phonecalls beseiged me through my entire duration there and i simply couldn't concentrate any longer.
though i did manage to complete one more report before i headed for home...and errands.
i'd say today was rather productive still...considering the number of people i spoke to about the stock market. tonight's interviews with a few women re-affirmed the popular (yet often under-pored) opinion that women are a powerful demographic.
the bosses would certainly be interested to hear my findings...;)
felt pretty drained today...am not sure why, but hey, i got some work done!
perhaps the little flower around my neck is giving me luck, and strength.
Tuesday, September 14, 2004
Of Brownies and Peace...
the esplanade library always brings out the best in me. this probably hints that i should spend a lot more time there than i should anywhere else.
there i was with my books, laptop and trusty chinese business terms glossary...all camped out at the third table from the front. i endeavored to finish three chinese reports, complete the english translation of my scout group's history, start on the reading material for the marketing of phonecast, think up an ad, help ashley through whatever difficulties she had today (to prepare her tmrw) and come up with a list of things i thought i needed for my trip. the essentials, rather.
i finished three reports. did the english translation (man was it tough!). while taking a short breather, i jotted down some stuff i had to remember to bring, on a post-it. read a little about marketing to women. then ashley turned up. so we headed to a cafe to talk about the hurdles she faced during the day, and to discuss the ad. we got SO lost trying to figure the ad out. 'nuff said there.
so technically, i managed to touch on everything i set out to do, albeit just a slight brush.
sushi's been on my mind for the past week. i ate it last thursday, saturday, today...man. and i'm still thinking about it! and i usually wolf down at least seven plates...dang.
vanilla brownie caramel. woah. haagan daaz. you get the picture.
the song tai tong's friend composed for the anniversary's been ringing in my head since the day i forced myself to bang out the keys on the piano.
i guess it is true that i'm musically-inclined. i never took the piano. but i learnt how to play the song just after a couple of hours of figuring it out on the instrument.
just keep your fingers crossed that i won't screw up on the actual day.
it's such a blessing how my lyrics and her music make sense.
and you know what the best thing is?
the guys love it. ;)
the esplanade library always brings out the best in me. this probably hints that i should spend a lot more time there than i should anywhere else.
there i was with my books, laptop and trusty chinese business terms glossary...all camped out at the third table from the front. i endeavored to finish three chinese reports, complete the english translation of my scout group's history, start on the reading material for the marketing of phonecast, think up an ad, help ashley through whatever difficulties she had today (to prepare her tmrw) and come up with a list of things i thought i needed for my trip. the essentials, rather.
i finished three reports. did the english translation (man was it tough!). while taking a short breather, i jotted down some stuff i had to remember to bring, on a post-it. read a little about marketing to women. then ashley turned up. so we headed to a cafe to talk about the hurdles she faced during the day, and to discuss the ad. we got SO lost trying to figure the ad out. 'nuff said there.
so technically, i managed to touch on everything i set out to do, albeit just a slight brush.
sushi's been on my mind for the past week. i ate it last thursday, saturday, today...man. and i'm still thinking about it! and i usually wolf down at least seven plates...dang.
vanilla brownie caramel. woah. haagan daaz. you get the picture.
the song tai tong's friend composed for the anniversary's been ringing in my head since the day i forced myself to bang out the keys on the piano.
i guess it is true that i'm musically-inclined. i never took the piano. but i learnt how to play the song just after a couple of hours of figuring it out on the instrument.
just keep your fingers crossed that i won't screw up on the actual day.
it's such a blessing how my lyrics and her music make sense.
and you know what the best thing is?
the guys love it. ;)
Friday, September 10, 2004
i received a letter from someone in my not-so-distant past today.
how sweet it is for her to write me after three years of silence. she never forgot me. the weirdest thing was: we weren't that close then anyways.
she wasn't a popular girl, purely because of how small she was...size-wise. she was too weak to really help us handle our huge campers. but she tried...and i guess hardly anyone else saw that.
we didn't speak much, but we had a quiet understanding between us. and when we did talk, we spoke about musical theater. she is an actress...a french horn player...a soprano.
sigh...i'm just absolutely touched by her letter/attempt to contact me.
didn't do much work this week, but it was totally stressful anyhow...what with the running around and all. then again, when am i REALLY stressed out about work?
in most of my cases, the stress is disguised as adrenaline. and i thrive on that. totally.
and ashley's learning loads.
frankly, i'm proud of the way she's turning out.
just uh...leave the grooming to me.
how sweet it is for her to write me after three years of silence. she never forgot me. the weirdest thing was: we weren't that close then anyways.
she wasn't a popular girl, purely because of how small she was...size-wise. she was too weak to really help us handle our huge campers. but she tried...and i guess hardly anyone else saw that.
we didn't speak much, but we had a quiet understanding between us. and when we did talk, we spoke about musical theater. she is an actress...a french horn player...a soprano.
sigh...i'm just absolutely touched by her letter/attempt to contact me.
didn't do much work this week, but it was totally stressful anyhow...what with the running around and all. then again, when am i REALLY stressed out about work?
in most of my cases, the stress is disguised as adrenaline. and i thrive on that. totally.
and ashley's learning loads.
frankly, i'm proud of the way she's turning out.
just uh...leave the grooming to me.
Thursday, September 09, 2004
i suppose we were all really tired after pan asian water's IPO conference.
but we went ahead with dinner anyways. and what a nice dinner it was.
well, the company was the one that stuck ;)
lynette's baby is absolutely gorgeous! her name's jodie...little niece jodie. yet another to call me aunty serene. it's simply amazing to see this "not-so-little" thing in her mom's arms, when only a night ago, she was still cuddled in the comfort of the placenta.
such is the wonder of life. and the power of the sacred feminine - the giver of life.
Roy is such a majorly sweet character.
thanks for your confidence in me. how we managed to bond in such a short time is nothing short of amazing.
i'm so looking foward to jetting away come 19th September...but till then, it's gonna be a continual rush...
i'm conquering another fear. and this time, there's no failing. i won't fail.
Vamos a Festival Mexicana!
Shall we?
but we went ahead with dinner anyways. and what a nice dinner it was.
well, the company was the one that stuck ;)
lynette's baby is absolutely gorgeous! her name's jodie...little niece jodie. yet another to call me aunty serene. it's simply amazing to see this "not-so-little" thing in her mom's arms, when only a night ago, she was still cuddled in the comfort of the placenta.
such is the wonder of life. and the power of the sacred feminine - the giver of life.
Roy is such a majorly sweet character.
thanks for your confidence in me. how we managed to bond in such a short time is nothing short of amazing.
i'm so looking foward to jetting away come 19th September...but till then, it's gonna be a continual rush...
i'm conquering another fear. and this time, there's no failing. i won't fail.
Vamos a Festival Mexicana!
Shall we?
Tuesday, September 07, 2004
my boss says i've come a long way since the first time he met me.
and that he's proud of the way i turned out.
i guess i have changed some since getting outta the airline. elm's words have come true...
"sis, i think you're getting stronger. i can feel it."
it's been awhile since the sstt last got together. everyone says they miss each other and sstt days.
cookie says he misses the witty reparte in the midst of every wise-ass movie we watched.
the last time i caught a glimpse of grovie and elm, they seemed to have grown somewhat.
bert's out at sea. and big bird's got a girlfriend. okay, that just sounds odd. well, cookie has a girlfriend too.
oscar's been evolving loads. she's gotten a grip since the last sstt day, jumped into performing and gained loadsa confidence.
but she's still oscar.
are you still you?
and that he's proud of the way i turned out.
i guess i have changed some since getting outta the airline. elm's words have come true...
"sis, i think you're getting stronger. i can feel it."
it's been awhile since the sstt last got together. everyone says they miss each other and sstt days.
cookie says he misses the witty reparte in the midst of every wise-ass movie we watched.
the last time i caught a glimpse of grovie and elm, they seemed to have grown somewhat.
bert's out at sea. and big bird's got a girlfriend. okay, that just sounds odd. well, cookie has a girlfriend too.
oscar's been evolving loads. she's gotten a grip since the last sstt day, jumped into performing and gained loadsa confidence.
but she's still oscar.
are you still you?
thanks to angus for putting Separate Lives on the blog.
Desperado was long overdue ;)
my cousin lynette's just given birth to a baby girl! i'm an aunt again...will go see the little tyke during lunch tomorrow...
here's what came out of a conversation i had on msn today:
"Common as air" meant something worthless.
But I knew that every breath of air that you draw.
Lying in your bed at night.
Under the silver glow of the waxing moonlight.
That air was used by your body to make skin and hair and bones.
The air becomes you, and deserving - no, demanding - of love.
Ordering matter was the sole endeavor of Life.
Whether it was a jumble of molecules in the primordial ocean.
A steam-powered mill turning weeds into clothing...
Or you lying in your bed turning air into lovable you.
So you are right, Serene.
That space between .... means so much.
- Kevin
so go to bed. sleep. and wake up in the morning.
take a deep whiff of the air, and thank the skies you're alive.
Desperado was long overdue ;)
my cousin lynette's just given birth to a baby girl! i'm an aunt again...will go see the little tyke during lunch tomorrow...
here's what came out of a conversation i had on msn today:
"Common as air" meant something worthless.
But I knew that every breath of air that you draw.
Lying in your bed at night.
Under the silver glow of the waxing moonlight.
That air was used by your body to make skin and hair and bones.
The air becomes you, and deserving - no, demanding - of love.
Ordering matter was the sole endeavor of Life.
Whether it was a jumble of molecules in the primordial ocean.
A steam-powered mill turning weeds into clothing...
Or you lying in your bed turning air into lovable you.
So you are right, Serene.
That space between .... means so much.
- Kevin
so go to bed. sleep. and wake up in the morning.
take a deep whiff of the air, and thank the skies you're alive.
Monday, September 06, 2004
Separate Lives.
the song struck me hard the first time i heard it in year 1 of mcm. desmond kon had a great habit of playing good music while we were writing.
i had no idea why the song appealed to me, especially when i have never been in a romantic relationship. that said, other love songs have called out to me too...but i haven't interpreted them the same way a love song would probably be heard.
You called me from the room in your hotel
All full of romance for someone that you met
And telling me how sorry you were, leaving so soon
And that you miss me sometimes when you’re alone in your room
Do I feel lonely too?
You have no right to ask me how I feel
You have no right to speak to me so kind
We can’t go on just holding on to time
Now that we’re living separate lives
Well I held on to let you go
And if you lost your love for me, well you never let it show
There was no way to compromise
So now we’re living (living)
Separate lives
Ooh, it’s so typical, love leads to isolation
So you build that wall (build that wall)
Yes, you build that wall (build that wall)
And you make it stronger
Well you have no right to ask me how I feel
You have no right to speak to me so kind
Some day I might (I might) find myself looking in your eyes
But for now, we’ll go on living separate lives
Yes for now, we’ll go on living separate lives
Separate lives
i heard it again at last night's concert in the park. the duet's competition. it was rather painful, sitting through the song. everyone else was cheering the couple singing, and there i was...feeling it.
one of my favorite ways to sing a song is to duet. and when gold 90 launched their duet competition, i so wished i had a partner to sing with. harmonies are heavenly.
i am too proud to have someone else in my life.
on hindsight, i suppose i've always been.
separate lives.
the song struck me hard the first time i heard it in year 1 of mcm. desmond kon had a great habit of playing good music while we were writing.
i had no idea why the song appealed to me, especially when i have never been in a romantic relationship. that said, other love songs have called out to me too...but i haven't interpreted them the same way a love song would probably be heard.
You called me from the room in your hotel
All full of romance for someone that you met
And telling me how sorry you were, leaving so soon
And that you miss me sometimes when you’re alone in your room
Do I feel lonely too?
You have no right to ask me how I feel
You have no right to speak to me so kind
We can’t go on just holding on to time
Now that we’re living separate lives
Well I held on to let you go
And if you lost your love for me, well you never let it show
There was no way to compromise
So now we’re living (living)
Separate lives
Ooh, it’s so typical, love leads to isolation
So you build that wall (build that wall)
Yes, you build that wall (build that wall)
And you make it stronger
Well you have no right to ask me how I feel
You have no right to speak to me so kind
Some day I might (I might) find myself looking in your eyes
But for now, we’ll go on living separate lives
Yes for now, we’ll go on living separate lives
Separate lives
i heard it again at last night's concert in the park. the duet's competition. it was rather painful, sitting through the song. everyone else was cheering the couple singing, and there i was...feeling it.
one of my favorite ways to sing a song is to duet. and when gold 90 launched their duet competition, i so wished i had a partner to sing with. harmonies are heavenly.
i am too proud to have someone else in my life.
on hindsight, i suppose i've always been.
separate lives.
Sunday, September 05, 2004
Roy (looking to Serene): Are you going to join Star Search next year?
Serene looks puzzled.
Firdaus (interjects): I don't think so! Serene WON'T join Star Search! It's like, beneath her...
Serene still looks confused.
Firdaus (to Serene): You won't join Star Search right? It's so Channel 8.
Serene: Well yeah...I wouldn't. Cuz I'm just not interested.
i wonder how i always manage to make people think (unwittingly on my part, of course) i know, and can do it all.
late last night, i joked with Roy about his "are you straight" comment. and his response?
"just that maybe u seem so confident and knowing of what you want that it kinda confuses me"
ah...so that's where it came from. angus should remember telling me something like that as well. then ashley mentioned something over msn as well:
"serene you have no idea how much power you hold and what a quality bunch of single males you can tap into. sex and the city is really just a fictitious show, dun be one of the real life cast members man."
people have been getting increasingly concerned about my love life...or the lack thereof. even anita was like "eh ashley, anyone to introduce to serene or not?"
it's kinda amusing.
i would love to write loads about the da vinci code. but feel the need to ponder over its contents a little more.
i can imagine how many more people would stop by the seemingly insignificant les pyramid inversee, now that the world knows of the da vinci code.
Serene looks puzzled.
Firdaus (interjects): I don't think so! Serene WON'T join Star Search! It's like, beneath her...
Serene still looks confused.
Firdaus (to Serene): You won't join Star Search right? It's so Channel 8.
Serene: Well yeah...I wouldn't. Cuz I'm just not interested.
i wonder how i always manage to make people think (unwittingly on my part, of course) i know, and can do it all.
late last night, i joked with Roy about his "are you straight" comment. and his response?
"just that maybe u seem so confident and knowing of what you want that it kinda confuses me"
ah...so that's where it came from. angus should remember telling me something like that as well. then ashley mentioned something over msn as well:
"serene you have no idea how much power you hold and what a quality bunch of single males you can tap into. sex and the city is really just a fictitious show, dun be one of the real life cast members man."
people have been getting increasingly concerned about my love life...or the lack thereof. even anita was like "eh ashley, anyone to introduce to serene or not?"
it's kinda amusing.
i would love to write loads about the da vinci code. but feel the need to ponder over its contents a little more.
i can imagine how many more people would stop by the seemingly insignificant les pyramid inversee, now that the world knows of the da vinci code.
someone asked me if i was straight. today.
and when he did, i got quite a shock, but just smiled and countered "what makes you ask that question?"
he said "because there are times when i get some non-straight vibes from you. there are times you don't seem to like men."
then it turns out that the whole company wanted to know if i was, or not.
i was really amused by all of that...so i just played along...teased them for a bit and kept them guessing.
then i ended it with "i'm as straight as straight can be. i like men. but..."
and then he grinned and asked "but what?"
and i left it at that. haha.
for those who've known me for a while, you'd know that this isn't the first time i've been asked this question. my own mother once wondered if i was lesbian (when everyone else's daughters started dating and i refused to).
there's another thing: i seem to attract gay men. no, i don't turn them straight. but they seem to like me.
twice since the culmination of college girls, whenever i met friends of other members of the cast, they'd exclaim "oh...so YOU'RE SERENE..." and i'm like "huh?"
the first time, i asked eileen (the girl who exclaimed) what she had heard about me. and she totally flattered me. that's all you need to know. ;)
the second time was this evening. this guy KK tagged along with two of the cast to our hang-out. and when he went around the table, introducing himself to us...and came to me, he was like "oh...so you're serene...hmm..." then everyone started laughing. firdaus asked "okay...so out with it. what did you hear?" then trevelyan (the baby of the group) said "Roy likes you. he really likes you." and i'm like..."huh? so what's new?" and then everyone burst out into peals of laughter. i swear we almost knocked the kopitiam table over.
you see...Roy...he's the gay who asked if i was straight.
are the pieces now falling into place?
can you make sense of all this drama in my life?
if you can, speak now...for i would love to hear your take on this.
and oh, by the way...i'm not a fag hag.
and when he did, i got quite a shock, but just smiled and countered "what makes you ask that question?"
he said "because there are times when i get some non-straight vibes from you. there are times you don't seem to like men."
then it turns out that the whole company wanted to know if i was, or not.
i was really amused by all of that...so i just played along...teased them for a bit and kept them guessing.
then i ended it with "i'm as straight as straight can be. i like men. but..."
and then he grinned and asked "but what?"
and i left it at that. haha.
for those who've known me for a while, you'd know that this isn't the first time i've been asked this question. my own mother once wondered if i was lesbian (when everyone else's daughters started dating and i refused to).
there's another thing: i seem to attract gay men. no, i don't turn them straight. but they seem to like me.
twice since the culmination of college girls, whenever i met friends of other members of the cast, they'd exclaim "oh...so YOU'RE SERENE..." and i'm like "huh?"
the first time, i asked eileen (the girl who exclaimed) what she had heard about me. and she totally flattered me. that's all you need to know. ;)
the second time was this evening. this guy KK tagged along with two of the cast to our hang-out. and when he went around the table, introducing himself to us...and came to me, he was like "oh...so you're serene...hmm..." then everyone started laughing. firdaus asked "okay...so out with it. what did you hear?" then trevelyan (the baby of the group) said "Roy likes you. he really likes you." and i'm like..."huh? so what's new?" and then everyone burst out into peals of laughter. i swear we almost knocked the kopitiam table over.
you see...Roy...he's the gay who asked if i was straight.
are the pieces now falling into place?
can you make sense of all this drama in my life?
if you can, speak now...for i would love to hear your take on this.
and oh, by the way...i'm not a fag hag.
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