it's been a while since i've broken down from exhaustion. even with nightly rehearsals in the past week, i hadn't reached the point of burn-out...and that's quite a feat. even meeting some of the cast outside rehearsals to teach them to dance couldn't wear me out.

i suppose that's the beauty of dancing. it rejuvenates.

it sure does sound odd coming from me...serene saying she loves dancing and singing. where's that straight-laced, workaholic girl who'd never digress from her task at hand?

i ain't digressing...i'm still working hard. but i'm also making an extra effort to make me happy.

so please kiss me on the cheek and wish me well.

imprisoned in this opulent vessel
i will live on

because i have music in my life.

i came online late last night with this:

"i think i'm falling in love."

it was meant to be a teaser, but alas...my mac can't seem to post anything on blogger. but yes, i am, indeed, falling in love. with an idea. i suppose i've been in love all this while...with various ideas and concepts. but i guess it takes a whole lot more passion and guts to actually act on a thought.

i shan't beat myself up for once...and give myself props for taking the plunge into acting/performing.

as i gather more experiences under my belt, i feel like i'm losing something huge as well. and that's really bugging me. this oddness springs on me during the drive of my work day and totally throws me off.

and when that happens, i just want to cower in a corner and weep.

i guess this means i'm back to my old self.

i've logged off for an hour or so...then decided to come online to write this:

I THINK I'M FALLING IN LOVE...

it's taken me a long while to even try to fulfill that "star prophecy". and last night was the first step. the first of many steps to heighten my profile as a performer.

seriously though, music is the one thing i hold true to my heart. so wherever this road takes me, it WILL end at music.

it was heartening to see familiar faces in the "crowd" last night. not because i wanted to show off...but because we were all so demoralized it really helped to have people cheer you on... the cast enjoyed performing for the whole lot of them. we did much better last night.

like i said in my previous blog, Roxie Hart was my saving grace. ;)

it's been a tough past couple of weeks...but i'm proud to say i got through my first performance, and i'm just a tad bit buffer cuz of the nightly "dance competition" routines.

i love dragon dance.

and i'm looking forward to salsa...once again.

i miss singing...so much.

last week was majorly eventful.

seeing Mayor Rudy Giuliani and all...that was quite the "blow-away" experience.

then saturday evening with the cast was good as well. bad vibes all around, lotsa screaming and swearing, but we were good. i guess we've bonded some. some of us, at least.

hannah and i agreed that this whole production has come to such a point that we just wanna get it over and done with.

i'm just pretty bummed that my first theater experience would be so sucky. it's just sad. and i ain't gonna be able to sing. there's no theme song, no singing parts. the musical has become a play. yucks.

thank god for my saving grace in roxie hart. (you'll get what i mean when you go watch the show)

now before any of you heighten your expectations too much, just know that the play's dumb...it has no depth...and unless you're like me (who derives meaning out of a dumb blond flick even), well...just know that it's not even "mean girls" or "bring it on" good. it's a feeble attempt at theater.

and my role...i'm just a supporting cast member, but i'm just glad to be able to perform. i want to sing, but oh well...

you know the most heartening thing about this whole shebang so far? my boys chased me for when the play is on and all. five minutes after i gave them the publicity postcard, they came back with a sheet of paper, a whole list of names and what time to meet in school. attached to that sheet was the postcard, with the time, place and MY NAME highlighted.

can you see why i love them so much?

Look my way
When you've got nothing to say
It's okay
To let those tears down your face

If things just ain't right
You know you're losing the fight
Let it be
For I'll be there to take you through

Another day
Open your eyes and you'll find
Greater things await your touch
So keep your head high

Tomorrow's just a wink away
You'll live to fight another day

If you think your life is through
And there's nobody there for you
Look my way

Look my way

Meeting Mayor Rudy Giuliani was an emotional experience.

Would love to bore you to death with the emotions I battled with as he smiled at me from his lazy chair, RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME.

I shall tell you tomorrow.

Being up from 5.30am till 1.00am (i'll probably turn off the comp then) is no joke.

All thanks to rehearsals after a day of speeches.

it's about time to get a little insightful.

weeks have passed at a go...and i haven't had the time or energy to pen thoughts down like before. sure, get me to narrate the day's happenings. but no matter how much i'd love to write those tight knots out, i ain't got the strength to.

last night's salsa class was odd...and fiesta was even odder. last night was the first night no one asked me to dance...until this guy came in much later, as i was about to leave. then, he wanted to try out some moves he didn't even know how to...instead of working on the ones he sorta knows, but isn't that good at. remember the short, effeminate guy? we were trying out this new move we learnt, but he simply couldn't get it...then he tried it with this really petite girl, and apparently, she could feel his lead...so oh well. perhaps i was too tall for him. i stood there looking at the whole group dance. the good dancers all had their own partners. there were hardly any beginners around at fiesta. so i left...but i really really wanted to dance.

you see, salsa is the one thing i look forward to every week. no...dancing is what i look forward to. they work me out, but damn...they keep me alive, and sane. i'm even thinking about more hip hop after my musical ends.

i never really had to drag my ass outta bed during the week, even though i have to wake up at about quarter to 6 each morning. but this morning...man...this morning was bad. i woke up at 7 to get ready for this seminar. it was hard. i was so beat.

it's a habit of mine to check up on friends' and acquaintances' blogs (that means about 5. at most.). and i realize why some people stay acquaintances. i would never be able to get along with them.

it's just like i told Soon Tong how i wouldn't be able to get along with men under 30.

earnings season is almost over. and i can concentrate on rehearsals, and look forward to the holiday in mid-september.

but i'm me...and if you know me, you'll know a holiday isn't really a holiday for me in any case.

for now, i just want someone to ask me to dance.

so many times i've been on the verge of tearing today.

and so many times i've held back.

but when i saw the bullfighter deliver that fatal stab, i just couldn't hold it in any longer.

as the bull's knees buckled beneath it and collapsed under its weight, bloodied and lifeless, i wondered aloud (for the umpteenth time in my lifetime) how bullfighting ever became an art form.

the bull is speared many times before the matador actually tries to deliver the fatal blow on horseback. it's teased and tired out and stabbed...time and again. though these causes mere flesh wounds, the gargantuan creature is, nevertheless, worn out.

by the time the matador brings in the "death blow", the bull's already half gone.

and you think the fella just waves his piece of red cloth around. DEAD WRONG.

under the cloth, he holds his sword. everytime he flags the cloth swiftly past the bull, he slashes the bull.

for someone as gung-ho as me and seemingly eek-less, it's odd that i'd turn on the computer just to write this down.

but you know it's really gotten to me when in this fight, the one that left an impression was the bull. not that good-looking latin american matador.

it was a fantastic evening with the dim sum dollies...

there were a few hiccups, hardly noticeable to the untrained eye, but it was all good.

the dollies are the perfect example of a play with great talent in a simple set. with such a talented cast, they probably didn't even need the larger-than-life costumes or the disco balls hanging from above...

i'm still pretty overwhelmed by pam oei, selena tan and emma yong. perhaps i'd be able to write more about them when my mind's not on overdrive...;)

till tomorrow. gute nacht, buenas noches, good night.

everytime i lay my hands on Dan Brown's "The Da Vinci Code", something'll pop up and i'll have to put the book back in the bookcase.

since my mcm days, i've wondered what sorta sick kick people got from putting others down. and i still don't get it. what sorta high would you get from doing such a horrible thing?

had so much on my mind as i logged onto blogger, but hell, they're all gone now.

found one really good dance partner in the class.

unfortunately, he's rather short and effeminate...so it felt slightly odd dancing with him. then again, over in singapore, you can't expect a macho man to be able to pick up something like hip-swiveling in such a short while...;)

and that's why i wanna go out with a latin american guy...something like this would come natural to him.

i'm just crapping out. haha.

i can't believe the instructor told someone i attended two classes, that's why i could follow the steps so easily.

goondus.

how come he never asked if i've danced before huh?

i'm so glad i had a chance to rest yesterday.

today's gonna be "rush-like-a-crazy-woman" day...like anything's changed.

but hey...it's a day before salsa, so i'm happy.

even though i feel like shit now.

i did three reports today.

i shall endeavor to do FOUR in the same amount of time tomorrow.

watch out world...

KISS MY ASS!

i'm sick...i have a nose that could rival a running tap.

but there's a silver lining in all of this...

1) i got some sleep.

2) i got to eat dinner. at home.

these are the things i'm thankful for these days.

extremely thankful.

Lady Liberty looks like a man in drapes and a tiara up close. well, at least cnn's shot of her made her look like a drag.

i won't even begin to describe how bad today was. it was just BAD. so much so that i almost broke down on the way to rehearsals. i was close to begging a seated passenger to giving up his seat on the MRT, because i thought my legs were about to give way.

michael bloomberg's now speaking at the re-opening of Lady Liberty.

it was the second day i took my ring out of its box. the stone really sparkles and even i think that i look like a happily married/engaged woman. it's just odd...the feeling wearing that simple ring can give you. it kinda scares me as well. i mean...in a bizarre sense, wearing the ring sorta perpetuates your singlehood, as well as remind you that you are, indeed, single. hmm.

blar blar blar...americans rule speech...even the kids standing behind the mayor look freakin bored...hmm...Lady Liberty doesn't look too bad from the side.

rehearsals were a bitch today because of the bloody politics. two girls were ranting about not being given enough lines and their characters having no depth. sigh...if you want my lines that badly, take it. but dang...i'm pretty sure i'd outshine you even without speaking. and i'm not boasting. they're really THAT BAD.

note that i am not even listing the reasons for the bad day.

did you see the moon tonight? it was beautiful. sometime between 2230 and 2300hrs, the moon was partially hidden behind folds of clouds. if you missed it, it sorta looked like the image of a full moon in horror movies. there. so much for illustration.

had fleeting thoughts all through my packed schedule (since rehearsals started)...

why are people so afraid of me?

i decided to try running the dragon because i knew it was hard...

besides trying to keep your part of the dragon up and contending with the weight, you also need to keep your balance swing the bloody part with such momentum it wears you out completely.

i was supposed to guide the dragon with the ball, but decided to join in the fun of learning how to run the dragon...something that my boys were doing as well.

it was extremely exhausting and we were drenched in perspiration, but we learnt it together, and that made the experience a lot sweeter.

cookie was shouting his head off at the boys who couldn't really follow, but i was already proud of those little tykes...it really isn't easy just keeping your part up. it really isn't that heavy, but after running with it and manoeuvering it for a bit, you'll feel like you're gonna fall flat on your face in exhaustion.

so yes...my arms and legs are numb with fatigue right now (and i'll feel a lot worse in the morning), but i'm proud i did it. and even though i may not pick it up as fast as the others, i'm trying.

tell me to step aside and show me the ropes if you need to.

but don't tell me to step aside because you think i'm useless.

my boys bought me earrings again...this time, i kept them ;)

them, and an extra pair for our next campfire or night event...

we put on quite a show today. as usual, it was heartwrenching trying to teach them how to dance...but when we actually did it (and even though we screwed up at several points), we looked so natural that people didn't notice our foul-ups! the art of looking (and feeling) like you're enjoying yourself...haha...

the evening was good.

and salsa last night was pretty cool as well.

my brain's so dead that i can't think of anything else to write...and you know how i just hate to narrate what happened.

so good night, sleep tight, and don't let the big bugs bite.

thank you ycsog kids...you made my evening.

see you guys for dragon dance tomorrow...;)