100 YEARS

the boyfriend buzzed me online today and reminded me we first got together on the 28th two months back.

we proceeded to wish each other the best...haha.

while in emily's car (she was sending me back after class this evening), i told her of how we've been together for two months today and she goes "so how are you celebrating?"

i go "celebrate?"

and then i realize how many couples actually do celebrate this kinda thing.

first month, second month...until i don't know when.

i replied with how we "celebrated" our first month.

again, the boyfriend buzzed me online about how he realized we both forgot about our one-month anniversary the day before.

and then we proceeded to wish each other the best. =P

you see...i guess we're just not into counting.

we've been celebrating our love for each other every single day, and more so when we meet up so we can physically express our affection for each other.

so really...what's there left to celebrate on the 28th of each month? =)

more love than usual?

surely that can't be possible. =)

i'm sure we'll find a cause for celebration when we get the chance to.

and how my vocabulary just sucks in this post because i use that one word way too much.

we've only got a hundred years to live.

SOMEBODY LIKE YOU

had dinner with the boyfriend's family this evening, then went to one of his friends' place for a game of citadel.

i usually don't take to instructions very well and prefer to play a round to understand the new game.

and i always amaze myself with how i play the it.

for someone who hasn't played these games before, i think i add a pretty interesting perspective.

playing such games would also reflect one's personality.

anyways, it was a fun game and i'd love to play it again. =)

on a separate note, while sending me home post-citadel, the boyfriend's ex-classmate (in the backseat) asked a rhetorical "it's the least he can do right, sending you home?"

no.

it's no obligation.

whoever dictated a boyfriend code which stated chauffering the girlfriend around was a must?

the boyfriend is not my chauffer.

if he does go out of his way to give me a lift to anywhere, i know it is only because he wants to hold my hand for that 20-minute trip, send me up to my place and say hi to the folks.

and kiss me goodnight.

but no. no obligation to send me home or anywhere, ever.

same goes for doing things for/with each other.

we do them only because we really want to, and not because we think the other party will like it and so we do it to keep him/her happy.

we need to be happy doing it too.

i'm happy he is forward-looking and optimistic.

counters my morbidity and cynicism.

and here's a tune from today's random selection thrown out by the iPod...

There's a new wind blowing like I've never known
I'm breathing deeper then I've ever done
And it sure feels good to finally feel the way I do
I wanna love somebody, love somebody like you

And I'm letting go of all my lonely yesterdays
I've forgivin' myself for the mistakes I've made
Now there's just one thing, the only thing I wanna do
I wanna love somebody, love somebody like you

I wanna feel the sun shine, shining down on me and you
When you put your arms around me
you let me know there's nothing in this world I can't do

I used to run in circles going nowhere fast
I'd take one step forward and a two steps back
Couldn't walk a straight line, even if I wanted to
I wanna love somebody, love somebody like you.

COME TO MY WINDOW

i remember telling my mom once how happy i was that the boyfriend and i could spend time together with each other's family.

to which she asked if we would spend some time back at our home as well.

and i said "of course".

i haven't.

and i do feel guilty.

truth is that i spend quite a bit of time at his place...partially because there is more space and perhaps, more privacy.

the most likely reason is i just want to spend time with him, so i'll just try to go wherever he goes.

i do want to spend time at home, but i feel slightly awkward asking him to hang at my place.

like today...i had thought of heading home to pack so i wouldn't have to worry about hurriedly dumping clothes into the suitcase just before i leave for macau early saturday.

it took me a lot of pondering before i could even broach the subject of him coming over.

and even as he said yes, i withdrew for a while and asked myself if i should just leave him be with his free evening, and i just head home myself.

argh. i don't know.

guess those seemingly passing comments do stick enough to make me think twice about asking him to hang with me at my home.

i do love being with him at his place.

but i did believe the scenario to be my answer to mom's question.

now i don't know.

home.

i'm split. well, sorta.

RAIN

it's pouring this morning.

seems like the bucket up there was holding up pretty well yesterday to allow us all the comfort of finally walking the streets without worries of getting wet.

at least for a day.

early monday morning, the boyfriend and i exchanged gifts.

he had been eyeing cuff links for as long as we've been together and i love seeing him in his ET shirts.

(i call them the ET shirts because the cuffs are monogramed with his initials. =))

i hate having to settle for mediocrity...even when it came to cufflinks.

so while i couldn't find absolutely perfect ones, i guess the simplicity of the pair i got him came quite close.

he gave me a card, which had me tearing as i read it. and then he read it out to me.

"when i fell in love with you. then you fell in love with me. then we fell in love together."

i didn't quite get what that meant, until he read it out and slowed it down for me.

that's another thing i'm thankful for.

my mind works in bullet train-seconds so sometimes i just can't see micro enough.

and then he gave me a pair of somethings, which i've had on since that morning.

we spent the whole of yesterday together.

with friends, with family (and too much chocolate in the refridge).

the company made everything that much more perfect.

big fuzzy hugs to you guys who made it to CBTL for brunch on monday.

the word i can best use to describe the morning was 'colorful'. =)

colorful characters in a cosy setting.

colorful conversation.

colorful outfits.

colorful smiles.

all in all, a beautiful, laughter-filled, colorful morning.

thanks to our resident paparazzi photog for his shots (which should be in circulation once he actually gets some sleep).

thank you for the wonder and magic you've brought to my life.

the coming weekend and next will be yet another adventure, i'm sure.

MOM'S THE WORD

'twas out shopping with the matriach yesterday, and boy did i shop.

at the end of the trip, my stash included two tops and a pair of sports shoes (finally!).

i almost forgot how comfy sports shoes were.

i'm happy to have found the perfect pair of asics for me...and to top it all off, it was my mom's christmas gift to me!

met josee after for a chocolate-making session which ended up with me heading to upper club at chijmes with hands smelling of baileys-flavored schokolade.

the boyfriend had this wedding thing to do the whole day and was only able to accommodate a late night date with me post-wedding dinner.

so as i trotted down to the hilton, i stopped by CBTL to grab the usual, then strolled along the rest of the way watching the crowd of people and cars rush by.

i felt good. =)

a most productive day before my late night rendevous with the most loving man i've ever met.

we shall be heading over to my family's for an evening of good food and wine, and off to a party by his friends.

i hope he'll like his gift.

i know i love his.

it's enough to hold me through for christmas, new year(s) and birthdays.

no more tears girl.

MY BABY YOU

this is probably the umpteenth time i've used this song as theme to a blog.

it's funny how the random selection of songs on your ipod library seems to be able to pick out tunes to reflect exactly how you feel for the morning.

walking out of chinatown mrt station onto pagoda street, tracing the string of moss on the moist tiles of the stretch under the gentle pitter patter of drizzle.

marc anthony ballads are perfect for such weather.

especially this song he supposedly wrote for his daughter, and cried the first time he performed it on stage (thereafter vowing never to sing this song LIVE ever again).

while the boyfriend and i share many fundamentals, we still do have differing opinions on subjects.

and we talk about them, mostly online.

because when we physically meet up, we simply can't...talk.

we just melt into each other's arms, do the baby-language thing, and just love each other.

he is so real.

the only difference between him being with me and him being with his pals is that he whispers to me, and is very soft-spoken.

and he manages to sense my most vulnerable moments to step in and just hug me till i'm done being upset (mostly because i laugh till i can't cry no more).

so here's my song for the day for you, mi novio.

As I look into your eyes
I see all the reasons why
My life’s worth a thousand skies

You’re the simplest love I’ve known
And the purest one I’ll own
Know you’ll never be alone

My baby you
Are the reason I could fly
And cause of you
I don’t have to wonder why
Baby you
There’s no more just getting by
You’re the reason I feel so alive

Though these words I sing are true
They still fail to capture you
As mere words can only do

How do I explain that smile
And how it turns my world around
Keeping my feet on the ground

I will soothe you if you fall
I’l be right there if you call
You’re my greatest love of all

ALL I HAVE TO DO IS DREAM

after having been beaten down once too many times, i've become afraid to dream.

when once i could see my life 10 years from now, i now refuse to even look beyond the next month.

because the past has shown me how things could turn in a month...and my world came crashing down then.

in spite of my experiences, i have friends who want to see me soar.

they encourage me to keep dreaming.

and offer help of all sorts to aid in my dream-making.

so if i didn't do it for me, i did it for them.

for their time spent on the mess of me.

for their tears, hugs and handshakes.

for the occasional msn note of "i will always remember you singing 'you've got a friend' at camp".

and for nudging me forward into a budding relationship.

i have a lot to be thankful for.

my eulogy would read very differently now than it did when i first wrote it at 18.

because now, i have enough hope to keep me dreaming for a long time to come.

it's like a sling shot: you get pulled all the way down.

but from that, you gain enough momentum to propel yourself all the way to oblivion.

simon, waihwang, eric, shingling, weirong, daphne.

thank you for giving me the strength to dream.

ycsog.

thank you for not giving up on me.

elmie, ernie and cookie.

sis loves you.

come home soon, you guys.

I'VE GOT SUNSHINE

it's nice to be able to walk out onto the streets, knowing your shoes will stay dry this morning on your way to work.

and that you can stroll to your office without having to dodge puddles of mud on the flooded cracks in the pavement.

the sun always radiates with such positive energy.

and this is especially evident after three dreary days of rainpour.

so while i was set for the day and happy as a lark, he had to make it even better.

"dear, are you busy? do you want to do lunch?"

and because i usually can't do lunch with the usual lunch crowd, today seemed special...because i could.

so with the sun out, a bowlful of ramen settled in my tummy, and many little kisses from the boyfriend, i'm ready to face the rest of the day with ultimate gusto.

okay, now hurl. =p

DROPS OF JUPITER

i never saw myself as one who would be insecure about the guy i was with.

so the past few days i was dazed and confused about why i seemed like i am.

in the end, it dawned on me that i am not insecure about him.

i am insecure about myself.

i'm afraid...

i would end up crushing him with the weight of obligation.

he would compromise himself to make me happy.

i would hurt him most because he loves me so intensely.

and if i keep all this within myself, i'm afraid i would burst one day.

but it would be unfair to lay it all out on him.

just because i'm insecure about me.

Can you imagine no love, pride, deep-fried chicken
Your best friend always sticking up for you
Even when I know you're wrong
Can you imagine no first dance, freeze dried romance
Five-hour phone conversation
The best soy latte that you ever had . . .
And me.

i shouldn't require you to reassure me.

i shouldn't wonder why you love me.

i shouldn't bother you with my rambling.

i shouldn't feel this way.

i shouldn't.

because then, it will never happen.

because i will not allow it to happen.

what a screw-up i am.

what a bloody screw-up.

i can't even see something good even if it comes and farts at me in the face.

TWO SLEEPY PEOPLE

at dawn's early light
and too much in love to say good night.

i used to think whatever bliss i get would be short-lived.

then while i'd enjoy it, i'd also be looking out for signs of it fading.

of course, we all know that i wouldn't REALLY be enjoying it then.

i think i'm still looking out for warning signs.

so what's new?

i've stopped fighting my emotions, for one.

it's a long road, getting past the hurt caused by the physical and mental manipulation of the past.

him loving me the way he does perpetuates the intense pain.

but unconditional love sure helps.

it purges me of all that anger i have buried deep down.

so as i basked in his love, i also sobbed in his arms.

sweet surrender.

even with my eyes all puffy and red, he looks at me softly, pushes my hair back and tells me i'm beautiful.

he tells me he wants to care for me for always, if only i'd let him.

and he writes that i am amazing and strong.

it wasn't love at first sight, or second, or third.

it is love that blossomed over four changing seasons, and respect that arose out of each other's prose.

and with every other tear that is shed tonight and for many other nights to come, my love for him will grow.

if this goes on, i think my tricuspid valve will give way in a few moments.

two sleepy people
with nothing to say
and too much in love to break away.

WHAT A DIFFERENCE A DAY MAKES

i started out the day with the boyfriend at breakfast and a copy of the straits times.

i ended it with an xbox 360, aching calves and hamstring and bad cramps.

it's a long story, but the boyfriend and i raced a whole lot today and contended with THE female emergency.

all's well now but the cramps ain't going nowhere.

the boyfriend's amazing. =)

and i just can't say it enough.

I'M ALL SHOOK UP

it's been said that a good bachata happens when the couple have a connection with each other.

often, this means they'll fall into silence, hug each other and enjoy the dance.

i closed my eyes dancing tonight's solo bachata tune with him.

we whispered to each other some baby language and he muttered something which made me laugh out loud.

while i was trying to keep my eyes shut and feel all taken by the dance and him, there he was with his hip thrusts and little weird quips.

i couldn't help but just pop my eyes open, laugh again and just look at him.

adoringly. =)

it wasn't the connection i had in mind, but i'm cool with this. =)

HER WORLD

it felt weird signing up for it.

but i did.

or we did. =)

i could not ask for more.

i feel in my heart
the start of something new.

IN THIS LIFE

how green radiates with brown under orange lamp lights.

and i could only think of him.

and of us, dancing amidst the spots of gold and moonlight.

just hold me and sway into daybreak, will you?

i'm supposed to be on a break this week, with three days taken up by a trip to KL with the aunt and a crowd from the singapore teachers' union.

it was a good, if not semi-boring trip.

peppered with smses and short, sweet phone conversations.

he calls to say he loves me. =)

i found it extremely amusing...after all, i was going to be home on wednesday night.

but i wasn't any different, shooting him countless messages of little notes only we two could understand.

one person who was giggling throughout the whole trip was my aunt, who was by my side when he called, and when i smsed.

"the two of you are so cute," says she.

i appreciate how he makes the effort to know this part of me...in scouts, work and salsa.

and i'm ashamed at how i seem to know so little about him.

we often find ourselves asking each other if we're usurping each other's time, pulling each other away from activities we'd be doing if not for either of us.

sure doesn't seem like that right now.

our relationship isn't over-the-top, cry-out-loud romantic, but it is enough. =)

between us who can't really surprise each other because we're so fundamentally similar, we have a lot of fun trying to.

and it's these little things that make him a keeper.

he gives the cynic in me hope.

i'm glad we started on this prologue together.

if it all falls apart
i will know deep in my heart
the only thing that mattered had come true
in this life, i was loved by you

just need to lie down.

where are you?

i felt the urge to look up this post...and be humbled by it.
*****
Tuesday, July 05, 2005

IF I KISSED YOU

and if i kissed you
would you lose track of time
would you feel the surge of happiness
running up your spine
would you run naked in the street
with a tattoo of my name on your behind

if i kissed you.

- corrinne may.

this song hasn't stopped being on replay since i got hold of her album.

this, and "save me" are two songs i absolutely have to listen to on a long bus ride home.

picture this:

you board the bus.

as you walk to a vacant seat, you sight this girl mouthing something, and looking blissfully at the passing scenary.

you sit down and keep observing this girl.

you catch her tapping her feet, accenting her rhythm at several points and moving her fingers like she's playing an imaginary keyboard.

as she stops running her fingers across her bag, she smiles...and glances at her ring.

she fingers her ring.

and smiles again.

that girl is me.

i look like i'm blissfully unaware of the grey shade enveloping my surroundings.

i look like i'm happily engaged or married.

i look like i'm...well, happy.

and i am, happy. at least for the duration of songs like the two abovementioned.

the ring is a deliberate effort to keep men at bay.

though sometimes, i feel the ring perpetuates my singlehood.

such is the irony of my reality; your pseudo-reality.

as the melody of the songs die down, the shade of grey seems to creep closer...and i find myself reaching out, trying to grab on to any song that'll take my hand.

i scroll clumsily through my playlists, finding that one extra number that'll keep me up five minutes longer.

and when i can't get my fix, i'd fall into withdrawal.

in some odd way, i feel like a hardcore addict for my faith.

though you can't blame me, can you?

it's the only thing that's been constant in my life, from my days as a wallflower till my present.

MUSIC IS MY RELIGION.

i sing for you and only you
wherever i go i find you
you're in the sound of every hello
in everything i do

you're the song i was destined to know
and i'll only sing for you.

- daniel letterle, i sing for you

he is my lover...one whom i'm never afraid to call MY LIFE.

my pride was never an issue in this relationship, because i've always been at the receiving end.

he's taught me how to love, and in the absence of giving, to embrace the love one might give.

there was a time another came close to rivaling my love - salsa - and i was in turmoil for a while.

how could i love another?

but he was kind, and told me to go.

and i realized that love need not be spread between the two, but that it could be multiplied.

so they compromised and co-exist in my life now.

but THIS part of me will belong to him, and him only.

I WANT TO SING.
*****
can you get me?

IF YOU DIDN'T LOVE ME

it isn't that he does sweeter things for me as we go along.

he has always been sweet.

but he just seems that little more tender and attentive at times like today.

i was mentally drained at work, with no colleague and the boss out of town.

he had offered to hang with me till my class started at half past eight.

being tired and pensive is a bad combination...it sorta equates to simply being bimbotic.

and he just sat by me, holding my hand and glancing at me from time to time.

i have to thank him for these little details.

we seem to complement each other - being encouraging when the other party is feeling down by hand-holding, hugs and little kisses.

and when you're tired and feeling low, you can always count on the other person to zip right by on his/her stallion and sweep you right off your feet.

just like he did for me today...despite being tired himself.

love is...

looking forward to something that's not there.

THE LADY IS A TRAMP

won't dish the dirt with the rest of the girls
that's why the lady is a tramp.

considering how i've grown up till now, i recently realized i've been REALLY pampered.

i sleep in air-conditioning.

yes, i'm one of those frou-frou prissies who love the coolness of the room and coiling under a warm comforter.

only then would i have a good night's sleep...usually.

i've tried leaving the windows open (not that i'd do that now in the wake of recent events through) and using the fan.

but i guess the windows are too warm and option and the fan too direct.

all in all, and perhaps it's just psychological, i reckon the best circulation and comfort derives from my air-conditioning.

heck, i can even sleep if the cooling unit starts screeching.

so it's been a rather interesting experience...the past couple of weekends.

our differences in sleeping habits.

that aside, i had a wonderful weekend.

in fact, any weekend filled with that much love is amazing.

we didn't spend the entire weekend together but knowing the love exists is truly uplifting.

you hop out of bed at the first sight of light so you can watch him sleep.

lion dance training ends way too soon because it breezes by, even if you trained with a 5kg weight of a lion head.

we sent his parents off at the airport before heading down to vivocity for some christmas shopping and a movie.

circled the crowded basement carpark for a spot for some time (a wonder he was so patient).

the details of activity within the day and the night before would all whizz by if you could only be in my shoes.

i'm looking forward to a very special christmas, and a very happy new year. =)

one thing stuck today though...

when he sent me home for a change of clothing before heading for lion dance practice, he came upstairs and said hi to my grandaunt.

after i came home from practice, she said something to the effect of...

"eh he looks very decent, don't bully him okay."

and i'm like...where'd that come from?!

something to think about, eh? =P

AT THE BEGINNING

life is a road, now and forever
wonderful journey.

i am the one constant in my company.

i've seen two colleagues come and go (the most recent one left yesterday), seen a director fade into the background, and my mentor becoming my true boss.

i am the one constant because i've been with mark since our inception and created what we were then together with him and angus.

the latest departure left me in shock, still recovering.

the boss decided not to renew her contract.

i'll be discussing mine with him next week.

this whole thing feels weird.

and we're rewound to the beginning again, 'cept that this time, we've got experience and deals in our backpacks to push us along.

new beginnings for mark, curtis and me.

and in other aspects of my life.

I DON'T KNOW MUCH

he seems like a little boy most times, yet grows up within seconds when he senses something's off.

and when someone tells you this...

"everyday i find something new about you that makes me love you more, and i feel closer to you everyday"

you look to the sky and say...

"i must've done something right."

CONSTANT CRAVING

it's been five years since i left school.

my life's been so fluid.

even family life was.

not that i'm hoping to change all that.

i like surprises and embrace the unexpected.

but i'm feeling a sense of normalcy descending upon me.

not routine, but a semblance of optimistic living.

i have a feeling that family will soon become the one true constant in my life.

DRAWING BLOOD

training and accidentally hurting someone you love (in the process) sucks.

=(

i'm sorry baby.

i'll be good to you, okay? =P

THE LONG-LEGGED LION

the weekend came and passed so swiftly, filled with great company and bliss.

saturday was his brother's wedding - the bittersweet culmination of many a stressful night of the parents and him, i'm sure.

weddings usually test the nerves of the family, and couple.

personally, family opinion matters to me.

though that may be because i know my family is open-minded enough to try out new deals and what i may suggest (because i've proven my competency through the years).

for the more traditional families around, a wedding is not simply just an event for the couple, but one for family and family's friends and business associates.

there was a time i thought if ever i would get married and plan for my own wedding, i'd keep it small, quiet and intimate.

of course, some people (you know who you are) had to remind me of my various associations/committments and i knew a small setting would not be possible.

but...i've realized an interesting way to get everyone involved. =)

you'll find out if i ever get married.

poetry in motion, earth angel, can't help falling in love.

songs that stuck from the johnny tillotson concert saturday night...a much needed chill-out for us.

we totally dug being sat right in the middle of old fogeys you'd think would be too docile to get up and boogie...NOT.

i grinned in wonder and delight at how unabashed these people are in their 50s and 60s.

i was pleasantly surprised to see and hear of couples who've been married for as long as 40 years in the audience.

the concert was a little too short for my liking, though we really appreciated being able to bask in the splendor of the esplanade concert hall for a while after a day of hustle bustle.

the right combination, beautiful in my eyes.

another two songs which flitted into conversation in the car.

elements of convention linger in our time together, yet it doesn't run the course of a new relationship.

i feel guilty for voicing out how everything could go wrong...and worry that one day, he will get extremely tired of trying to reassure me.

he's the self-confessed optimist - mostly seeing the best in people and thinking how things could go right.

our differences sometimes seem glaring enough to make me want to take a step back, but i often find myself rooted on that spot, not being able to move.

maybe i just don't want to move.

maybe i just want to stand right there and hope for some sort of optimism to save me from plunging into runaway pessimism.

but i know he's the gravity that holds me still for now.

i'm just a fool, a fool in love with you.

BEAUTIFUL IN MY EYES

chanced up this joshua kadison number on my way in to work...=)

You're my peace of mind in this crazy world.
You're everything I've tried to find, your love is a pearl.
You're my Mona Lisa, you're my rainbow skies,
and my only prayer is that you realize
you'll always be beautiful in my eyes.

The world will turn and the seasons will change,
and all the lessons we will learn will be beautiful and strange.
We'll have our fill of tears, our share of sighs.
My only prayer is that you realize
you'll always be beautiful in my eyes.

You will always be beautiful in my eyes.
And the passing years will show
that you will always grow ever more beautiful in my eyes.

When there are lines upon my face from a lifetime of smiles,
and when the time comes to embrace for one long last while,
we can laugh about how time really flies.
We won't say goodbye 'cause true love never dies.
You'll always be beautiful in my eyes.

kinda makes sense, doesn't it? =)

I GOT SUNSHINE

queasy tummy, spinning head, burning body, cold skin.

i thought i was suffering from food poisoning.

and you know whats the worst thing?

i couldn't expel anything out of my body...not through regurgitation or otherwise.

and the above was only one of the contributing factors to a horrible monday.

so in essence, the day sucked.

but a couple of msn conversations made my day, especially one with a person who highlighted a very special date.

*shrugs*

not that i really know where all this is heading.

perhaps my subconscious is choosing to filter out the seemingly obvious.

then again, nothing's really that obvious anymore unless it's blatantly put out there.

that said, i'd prefer to talk in circles around this topic. =)

(hmm...since when did i become so wishy-washy...*frown*)

it's been three coolness weeks...and counting.

i know how he feels about me because he tells me and translates those emotions in very simple terms...like...

"you make me happy."

or...



that's enough for me.

but i couldn't quite seem to articulate myself in the same way.

how can i thank someone for saving me with such pure and unadulterated affection?

i can't.

here's what i know though...

i want to hold his nose for him when he sneezes.

i want to bring him a piece of fried mars bar and pint of chocolate overload ice cream to cheer him up.

i want to let him hold my hand in a roomful of people we both know, without flinching.

and let him serenade me whenever he wants. =)

hell, i'd even take in retro for him. (like, seriously!)

yes, that's all i know, for now.

we spent sunday apart.

he was moving and i was having a nice afternoon with my brother and the family.

but we never quite left each other...or at least that's what the sprinkles of smses throughout the day said.

the brother and i went for lunch and i absolutely loved his t-shirt...



gotta love fear factor merchandise. =)

then i spotted this while browsing through gramophone racks...



brings me back to the time when i used to fly to zurich.

i would shut myself up in my room, lie in bed with a pack of chips and watch reruns of the pink panther and scooby doo.

the pink panther is a stroke of genius, i tell you.

but i'm not sure how many would appreciate its humor. =P

it must be quite an institution since it's so freakin' expensive.

on a different vein,

i got into some "stock market" banter with him.

would you buy into a stock if the prospects look good?

or would you buy into a sure thing?

i ventured that i wasn't into growth stocks because i'm risk-averse.

but his recommendation seemed to make enough sense.

maybe it's time to take some risks. =)

and considering how this post was accidentally deleted thrice...

i'd say i did pretty good.

HOW MUCH DO I LOVE THEE

let me count the ways...

with a diamond ring?

with an alaskan cruise?

with a home entertainment system?

let me cash that in for...

two ring pops.

two rubber floats.

and a set of monopoly.

and if we've got some left over, perhaps two front row tickets to see the wizard of oz.

or...

let's just keep it in the college fund.

RAIN

i think jazz and i are not fated to be for now. =(

for both this week and next, i'll have to help the boss out.

i may just need to re-jig my priorities soon.

i saw myself to be a rather insensitive priss yesterday.

and i'm sorry.

truly i am...and you know how i am about sorries.

i can only do from now on.

(you can only imagine how self-centered i am from the number of 'i's in this post.)

JOURNEY

it's funny how someone can fit in so seamlessly.

i don't know if i do, but he sure does.

and mom had a huge smile on her face talking to me about him today, so that pretty much does it for parental support.

sweet mommy.

i hesitate to post the pictures we took recently because it includes others besides ourselves.

so i shall accord them their privacy and stick to just US. =)

he snapped a pic of me looking extremely BLUR...



which me and some others felt looked U-G-L-Y.

but wh said i look like some anime blur queen character and said i should use it as my avatar.

bah.

i really preferred this one...



and our indulgence...



eric...

thank you...

for asking me to dance.

for chatting with me through your coach rides as you traveled.

for taking me to dinner.

for bringing me back a canadian husky.

for butting out.

for sticking around.

for holding on.

and for being so honest about it all.

thank you for having wanted and wanting to be with me.

i miss you already.

EARTH ANGEL

i held up quite a front today.

and now that i'm back in my own little corner, i can release what i held back all the way through the car ride home.

maybe i'm just tired.

IT'S BEGINNING TO FEEL A LOT LIKE CHRISTMAS

or so the boss sings.

the rain seemed pretty insistent on its rhythm, pattering on the skylight at consistent intervals.

amplifying as if reaching some kind of denouement.

and then ceasing as we get too caught up in its heavy set.

the rain seems to feel me.

it settled on me like a lover, unabashed at its intensity.

drawing my energy and leaving me a heap on the cold, hard floor.

i whimpered as i came home.

because i felt cold, and hot and messed.

the hot shower and soup didn't help.

and now, i find myself obliviating in the darkness of my room.

unfeeling my sheets.

and then...

writing how i feel about the rain.

OUR HOUSE

i ate two dinners today.

this can't happen too often...*burp*.

it was an interesting evening, ending with a semi-spontaneous dinner with the family.

i wonder if he'd one day discover how boring i am.

how REALLY boring i am.

compared to him.

NOTHING CAN STOP US NOW

the mother just did her routine "if my daughter's home i'm gonna waltz into her room, show off my new hairdo and talk to her" bit.

of course, after last night's spontaneous "can he come too" dinner, i was sure she was going to grill me on him.

not much grilling, just sharing how she and the father felt.

much to my surprise (because i was sure they'd think it'd be too soon), they seem to like him.

and she left it as that.

i mused that he looks like dad in his olden days of schoolboy geekiness.

my dad then went "oi" and my mom laughed and said "no lah, he's better looking".

to which my dad gave another "oi".

my parents kill me. they do. =)

apparently, his mom said some rather interesting things about me too.

and in one short week...

someone used the word "innocent" on me today.

i was appalled.

though from his contextual explanation, i could see why.

he ventured that i wouldn't stay single for long.

i so detested that...because it was like a challenge to prove him wrong. or myself. i don't know.

but the guy did it.

i'm not sure how, but considering how "innocent" i am, i'm probably not that tough to get to.

though instead of dwelling on that one word and how it may have implicated me into this...couplehood...i was rather taken by the "why let something good pass by" comment.

agreed, panda.

this could be the start of something new.

on a lighter note, the title song played on two occasions we were in the car.

i'm not known for mushiness, but i LOVE rick price. and i love this song.

Soft as a rainbow
Like stardust and moonglow
I see the love in your eyes
Like autumn leaves falling
And the first call of morning
It came to my surprise
True love calls just once in a lifetime
Why should we wait
When now is the right time?

Nothing can stop this love we're making
Nothing can stand in our way
Nothing can block this road we've taken
Nothing can stop us now

The joy of surrender
So strong yet so tender
I give my heart to you
You know you can trust me
And that's how it must be
No matter what we do
Faithful friends and lovers forever
Right to the end we'll always be together

When love comes sweetly to your door
Embrace completely
What your soul is longing for

THE BEST OF MY LOVE

the eagles always seem to do it for me.

once, my favorite used to be "love will keep us alive".

it's still "desperado" (the emi fujita version). =)

i've had several late nights recently, not out at fancy clubs or restaurants or cafes.

but in a car, under my block.

i appreciate honest conversation.

this is enough to bring out the best of me.

oh...sweet darling
you got the best of my love.

ALL THAT JAZZ

i'm physically spent.

so even after i've just eaten my bowl of maggi mee, i can't help but just prop myself into bed.

other than the fatigue carried forward through the week, i suspect the jazz class earlier had a lot to do with releasing all that stress.

not that we danced a lot.

we just stretched aplenty, including parts i didn't know existed.

i loved it. =)

on another note, many people made my day...and got me through the long hours.

it's going to be a long friday ahead as well.

i want to crumble for a while.

CHAPTER ONE

i must thank the photographer for the following pictures.

few people have managed to capture a presentable, candid me.

but he did it. =)

thanks, eric.


me and aloysius in starting pose

chin and boon were standing in front.

we weren't very comfy, as you could tell.

the stage was rather rough for my liking...


rest time

i like this pose cuz it afforded me rest for a count of eight. =P


workshop time

a few of caliente students were sweet enough to come down for a look...and to thank them, i sabo-ed them for the workshop session.

of course, they were as late for class as i was...and were giving me the "i'm gonna get you later" look the whole time.

but it was all worth it. =)


urban clap in the city

this picture epitomizes our performance in the middle of the city. =)

i love it.


emily, mina, fernando, maria, me, ernesto, chantel, james and melissa

it's so fun to have these people teach you about their culture while you teach them a dance you'd think they know.


we do love to pose, don't we?

these housewives live more interesting lives than some of us.


fernando, james and ernesto

the husbands are HILARIOUS.

i said they all improved exponentially during this last session. =)

fernando is maria's hubby, james is melissa's and ernesto is with chantel.

i'm tired, but i realized recently that i really love teaching.

p.s: thanks for the photographs, mr teo.

EMBARGO LIFTED

if it ain't spontaneous and fun, it ain't done by serene. =)

as usual, my gig at the istana was anything BUT follow-the-script. =P

a pity the aide-de-camp and i didn't much time to catch up, else i would've arranged an evening for us to meet at union.

so here're some pics of the usual suspects at the istana...


me, mr yeo and bubba

the first picture i took of the evening turned out pretty well.

mr yeo always attacks the durian mousse with a vengeance at every one of these events. hmm...maybe he's the one who did the catering!


me and malcolm

malcolm used to be state coroner.

he gave a "mr president, we will serve you" speech which had most of us...umm...wondering if he got that quip from "all the president's men".


our token picture at the istana

me and my best scout friend/brother, who's my partner-in-crime for most of the events.

ask me to tell you the story of us fated friends.

check out that cheeky face!


the professionals

we wondered why we were called upon to help out at such events.

turns out we're the only 3 girl scouts represented, save for 1 who was getting the badge.

and some call us the professional posers, since tunisia. haha...mel and i take it as a compliment.


eric and me

have never seen eric quite this dressed up.

it was quite a coincidence he was a guest at this PSA event i emceed.

at the end of it all, we both weren't spared the bad jokes and teasing.

let the fun begin.

WOULDN'T IT BE LOVERLY

lots of chocolate for me to eat
lots of coal making lots of heat
warm face, warm hands, warm feet
oh wouldn't it be loverly.

despite the lack of actual sleep, it was a smashing weekend.

and it's dedicated to shingling...one of my best girl friends i've met in salsa.

we don't hang out often, but she never fails to be around whenever i needed someone to talk to.

ever since that one long friendster email she sent me. =)

so here's to shingling...


Daphne, me, Ling

if it weren't for her birthday, ling and i probably wouldn't have gone down to union.

it was really good to see her again after a long absence. =)

and i was really tired earlier so wasn't sure if i could've made it.


Daphne, Ling, Shingling, me

ling and i did exotic together while daphne and shingling took it recently.

it's been a long time coming...this picture.


Clockwise: Joseph, me, Eric, Simon, Ling, Shingling, Daphne, HsiaoChing

it's nice to band together for someone's birthday.

you see how one person's made an impact on many lives, simply by being there.


the start of a fantastic meal

Senso is AMAZING.

well, the company made the dinner that much more memorable.

and i love bread dipped in olive oil and vinegar. =)


our little round table of funness

before we dug in deep.


compliments of the chef

this fried risotto starter was quite good, if only a little starchy.


Clockwise: lobster linguine, duck leg meat ravioli, risotto, cod fish

they were all yummy.

the cod fish was the hot favorite, with its cream sauce.

the risotto came in a close second, followed by the lobster linguine and the ravioli.

the ravioli only came in last because of how rich it was.


no more

and you can tell how much we loved the food.


the famed senso tiramisu

finally tried the famous cake daphne raved about months back.

we girls just dug into it like wild animals.


recommended chocolata

i liked this better. =)

crispy on the outside, oozing chocolate on the inside, topped with a gold leaf and a scoop of ice cream.

delish.


love this

we had the restaurant play "THE BIRTHDAY SONG" as they brought the cake out.

i've always loved the song because it's so classy...and for a good girl friend, i couldn't recommend anything less.

so light a candle on your cake
for every smile you've helped create
for every heart and every soul
you've helped to grow a little more.

love you, girl. =)

and for my final picture of the day...


the baby with no name

go to sleep now, little one
mommy's here, no harm with come
when you wake all your troubles be gone
little one.

- verse 2, serene's little lullaby

IT'S BEEN AWHILE

that union's been on my saturday night activity list, and heading home so late/early.

i'm starting to regain that "who-cares-if-i'm-tired" feel when i head to union on the weekends now.

it's probably because i still hardly go down.

most of my dances were good.

and by that, i mean FUN. =)

we screwed up plenty of times and got stepped on by the neighbors, but it was all good because we laughed our way through it.

there was one guy i couldn't quite follow in the beginning because i had expected a lead like the others i danced with.

after five dances with him, i got it.

he had a very cuban style so there was plenty of double back breaks and major tension in arms.

i suppose i gave the impression that i was having as much fun as him, since he had asked if i had learnt salsa from a latino and looked surprised when i said no.

apparently, my hips move like a latino's. i took it as a compliment, but he said "no it's not a compliment, it's just the way it is".

well, all right then.

if it weren't for shingling's birthday though, i don't think i would've gone down.

wh made an appearance for her as well. =)

but thanks to the occasion, i was tested through my fatigue how i could continue following.

i was tired, but still didn't screw up too badly. =)

had a nice chat with tony during dinner after our performance.

falling asleep now...=)

CHOREOGRAPHITIS

it doesn't matter if you get to sleep in over the weekends if you've got choreographitis.

i had gone to sleep rather early this morning and woke up at sometime past 8.

and while i had my eyes closed and shielded, i could think of nothing but what to do for our performance tonight.

in the end, i just gave up on trying to get back to sleep and got up, made some chrysanthemum tea, and came up with a start and series of shines and tricks, possibly.

depending on whether we can execute it.

this is so uncool...i'm losing sleep over choreography.

i just hope i can last till after the performance and workshop tonight.

on another note, i'm glad i've been given that many opportunities to emcee in the past (even though i haven't been paid, most of the time).

this comfort on stage certainly helped in yesterday's unresponsive, yet crowded, raffles place urban clap.

i was arrowed to do the workshop segment.

and thanks to my students (who showed up and were as late for my 7pm class as me), we had quite a fun time with the shines. =)

i'll be emceeing at the istana again tuesday night.

and for once (since i last grumbled about not getting paid for such gigs), i feel just fine. =)

though, i only do well onstage in my element - emceeing.

tell me to sing and dance and the world will come crashing down. =(

OF THE FLOWERS AND THE TREES...

i like the fragility of the orchid
i like the wildness of the daisy

and that was my response to someone who asked me this "important personal question".

orchids are amazingly resilient flowers, through looking delicate.

and how are daisies wild?

not all of them are.

i just like the wild ones.

we had gone on a little trip. lisiana, beth, liesbet and i. and jeanine.

along the way to a certain destination (i can't quite remember which) in wisconsin, we stopped by a little park with a little playground.

somewhere towards the breakwater was a little memorial for a certain someone who passed on.

and right by the grave, was one single, perfect, wild daisy.

what an oxymoron...of how a daisy could be both perfect and wild.

after i thought of these two flowers, it struck me how much i related to them.

and the sunflower - which brings instantaneous light and hope into the room.

the sunflower was the first one i mentioned liking because of its cheer.

so i guess this is me.

SUNFLOWER
ORCHID
WILD DAISY

unbridled intellect and emotion...and free.

sometimes, unfathomable.

just like this post. =)

i usually would just end with the above line, but i'm too lazy to start another entry. =P

i've made stretching my daily routine now.

i got off work slightly earlier yesterday to stretch some before class began.

i took my time...deepened each stretch.

and when i finally straightened my legs in front of me and stretched forward, my breathing became labored i struggled to keep the stance.

soon, i felt hot and teary.

without allowing myself up, i took a slow, deep breath and held on.

the stretch wasn't painful, but the effort was.

it still is, but it's getting better.

WALKING AWAY

it's been a while since i've walked down the strip alone.

and it was liberating.

i miss my long walks alone and singing to myself.

(what a perfect morning to be at home and blogging, with dad's favorite music playing in the background. *yes it's true, i'm so happy to be stuck with you*)

i remember the time when i walked down the very same road (and even further) regularly, not considering anything in particular but just letting my emotions run.

at that point in my life, i was so used to pushing people away that rejecting became a reflex.

it turned some off...my flippant attitude...but i remember it to be the happiest days of my young life.

because no one could touch me. and get away with it.

some say it's an invisi-shield.

perhaps i have an innate need to protect myself against the world after so many disappointments (again, subject to me only).

pushing people away just seems so easy.

after all, it's reflex.

even now.

SWEET CAROLINE

good times never seemed so good.

elphaba wasn't bad.

she only wanted to do what's right.

i had looked forward to an impromptu evening of chatter, but of course, my conversations nary end up as mindless drivel.

so i decided against grabbing the 105 back and walked down to dhoby ghaut for the north east line, hoping to stride away the weight of it all.

and it didn't happen.

in the end, i wondered if tonight was such a good idea at all.

then again, it proved galen wasn't the only one who left me with a heavy feeling.

i give up.

RAINDROPS ARE FALLING ON MY HEAD

dad, bro and i went to serangoon gardens for lunch.

the sky looked overcast so we were anticipating rain.

as luck would have it, most of the tables under shelter were taken, so dad suggested one of those isolated tables under the brollys.

when it started drizzling, bro and i suggested moving to one of the inner tables...dad insisted it was okay to sit under the brolly.

when it started raining, dad said to treat it as though we were eating hot food in a cold, wet place and we'll feel shiok.

when it started pouring and the lot of us were splashed with blobs of rain, my dad changed seats with me.

while we were still fine with all of this, the people who delivered the food to us weren't.

cuz they had to waltz under the rain for part of the way to get to our table and we were the only goondus to sit under the brolly on a heavy, rainy afternoon!

so we're back home now and looking forward to falling asleep but the rain's stopped.

bah.

and my left butt's aching cuz of the lift yesterday...haha.

but it's a good ache.

at least i'm getting a start on my choreography.

i love the way she looks. =)

these performers have fantastic interpretation of the music. must've taken them some time to choreo.

PHOTO FEST

so many people were snapping away at the salsa festival over the weekend, but i wasn't sure where to look for them.

thanks to several of those who sent me pictures and those who notified me of the urls...=)

here're a few i'd like to share.


prepping the fries chomp

i usually scare people with the amount of chilli i take with my fries.

if it weren't for the rush we were in to make it to the record-breaking attempt, i would've savored it slowly, and added some much-needed mayo to the mix. =P

i look quite skinny in that top. hmm. not good.


proof

that i led in the record-breaking attempt.

never was i so proud to don a LARGE white t-shirt. =)

and it was my first time leading in an actual rueda!


back to a follow during fun rueda

i love this candid shot of me...i hardly ever look nice in those.

when i first chanced upon this photograph yesterday, i was struck by how happy i looked.

and i remember how exhilarated i felt.

then i decided how much DANCE has changed my life, and given me so much. =)


where's wally?

blow this picture up and you'll probably be able to find me somewhere. ;)


justin, philbie, me, yanqing and huh?

it was a night of sweet sweat and good dances.

but breather time was always welcomed, even if it was just slightly warmer in the night air than it was in d'tent.

it's like breaking away from drinking mug after mug of green tea.

you touch water and go "woah".


daphne, me and a towel

simon was so danced out, that he just decided to throw in the towel to daph and me. =P

we had a fantastic evening...and it still wasn't the end of it.

after this picture, daph went for a bite, and came back to dance.

i just went on dancing. =)


mina's household

and here's the class i teach on wednesday nights. =)

as a young stewardess who took spanish in school, i was eager to converse at least a little of it with anyone who knew how to.

so obviously, i was extremely excited when i heard a spanish-sounding last name being announced as the captain of one of my turnaround flights.

during our stopover, he came out for a breather and i managed to talk to him a little.

he was the ONLY spanish-speaking captain i encountered for the whole of my flying career.

and as fate would have it, i got to know his wife as well...IN THIS CLASS. =)

i saw her filling in our school's registration form yesterday and recognized the last name!

on that note,

i'd like to thank music for giving me what i have today.

if not for music, i wouldn't have discovered dance, and the joys it's brought me.

throughout the period of darkness, one thought resounded often...

"dance came first."

and i'm still with dance, no matter who might come along, or leave.

because i'm a better person with dance, and with my music.

MUSIC IS MY RELIGION.

(angus once told me to sell that catchphrase to steve jobs for an ipod campaign.=P)

i thought it was my time to be happy.

just like beth said.

just like lisiana said.

just like liesbet said.

"serene, you deserve to be happy."

i don't deserve to be happy, not unless we all deserve to be.

i just want...sometimes.

i want to stop crying for a while.

KARMA CHAMELEON

galen says i'll be reeling from this euphoria for the next few days.

i so feel it.

the rueda community descended upon downtown east to try to break the record for the biggest rueda circle.


danielle, amy, me and uh...caliente student

unfortunately, the community isn't big enough to break the record of 173 couples...so jackson held a crash workshop for anyone who wanted to learn it just before the attempt.

at the start of the count, we really only had 153 couples.

we were short of 20.

we were told there were girls waiting outside to join as follows, but not enough leads to accommodate that.

justin thought the girls (who knew how to salsa, but knew nuts about rueda) hanging around...and came to me and asked if i wanted to lead.

HELL YEAH!

i had offered earlier but was told there weren't enough follows to exchange for one lead.

so here's the t-shirt i got as a follow...


follow

and here's the one webster passed to me when i offered to be a lead...and the deejay was cheeky enough to say "ooh...and she's changing right in front of us!"


lead

so i'm glad to announce we're finally in the guiness book of records for the biggest rueda circle with 176 couples!

my follow and i were couple 173!

i'm so proud of justin. =)

and i'm proud of finally putting my leading skills to good use!

serene's a happy camper. =)

good dances all night long (except for when i got extremely worn and tired towards the end).

by good dances, i really just mean us having a fun time dancing together, in spite of either of us misreading each others' signals. =)

and if the LA congress is much better than this, man...i simply can't wait!

many revelations arose from these two nights. =)

i'll mull over them for a while before posting them.

CHAPEL OF LOVE

weeks of training culminated with today's skit and performance at luther and adeline's wedding.

while i have most of the performance down on video, i hardly took any pictures...just these two.


Janet, Evelyn, Me, Chin and Sherry

we were ushering guests to their assigned tables.


Me and Sherry couldn't eat oysters...

because we were a bundle of nerves before the performance and didn't want to risk having our tummies flip when we did the lindy or other tricks.

wh had several pictures of us girls at the singapore international salsa festival.

out of the COUNTLESS (yay!) dances i had tonight, only one didn't go too good.

i got a dance and a half with zhiming and two on2 dances.

S$37 bucks well spent tonight.

this makes serene a happy camper. =)