PICTURE POSTCARDS FROM L.A.

signed with love forevermore.

some overdue pictures from the week that's past...


bakersloo line at istana park

it was a raining evening and the bands had to move to the sheltered area, facing...well, nothing.

the crowd was sparse, but hey...we enjoyed ourselves anyhow.


me and waihwang

one of the first few pictures of the paparazzi at glo's christmas party.

the guy who's usually behind the camera was sweet enough to sit in on this one with me. =)


chocolate chip ice cream

yuli was going around feeding everyone ice cream.

i'm pretty sure everyone had the same expression when she fed them...not.

paparazzi was good on this one. dang.


the temptations

us three did quite a few things together.

together with daphne, we form "the circle of trust." =)

and with the circle of trust fully gathered, the paparazzi decided to take a break from tabloid photography and sit in on the picture again...=)


(clockwise)yuli, ling, me, daphne, waihwang

it was cool and fun.


the sister and me

i think we both had better exchange genders...just to maintain gender equilibrium.


cosmopolitans

all salsa-crazed people gathered in one room.

imagine the sound system massacre that took place after.


talk about coincidences

i met my secondary schoolmate at a year-end dinner Viva performed at.

of course, his colleagues were teasing him about picking up one of the dancers...haha.

oh well, too tired to jot down any insight.

the student, his email and pepper crabs.

the saving graces of the day.

i'm sorry the beach had to wait.

i desperately need to scream.

you know how creepy that is.

read it again...

"i desperately need to scream."

if i can be so calm telling you that i need the outlet, then you should really be afraid.

HELP

i need somebody.

STAY AWAY FROM ME.

JUST...STAY AWAY.

i'm NEVER right, just always wrong.

and i don't understand things, it seems.

so yes, love me for all the wrong reasons.

that's what relationships are, aren't they?

and you...yes you...

you've been saying things about me.

go on.

say it.

publicize what you think you know.

if i'm worth that much of your time to gossip about, i'm very flattered.

but if i don't know you personally, i wouldn't even comment.

because my friends would ask me about things and not mutter behind my back.

and if you're a friend who does that.

hurray.

well thank the heavens for you.

thank you all for bringing back the angsty me.

i believe i'd be able to write a lot better in the days to come.

IF I WAS THE ONE

who was loving you
the only tears you cry will be tears of joy
and if i were by your side
you'll never know one lonely night

and if it were my arms you were running to
feel the love in these arms of mine
if i was the one
in your eyes.

from centerstage, a movie about loving the dance, whether conventional or not.

most times, you'll have major odds to beat.

i had...and am still trying to beat some.

though some people around me make it all more bearable.

christmas day sucked.

well actually, past midnight sucked.

glo was a fantastic host, as usual, and the party went great.

but i was in such a foul mood i wished i hadn't gone to the party at all and created such trouble for some of those around.

it was something i couldn't manage, and so, had to yank a couple of friends in to help.

gosh, i should bloody well trust my own instincts.

the next time my gut tells me something shitty's gonna happen, i should just trust it.

and not go.

yes, i'm still feeling guilty of causing my friends such trouble when they should've been having the night of the season.

SANTA BABY

come and trim my christmas tree
with some decorations from Tiffany's

the mother wasn't surprised. haha.

christmas eve dinner at the aunt's wasn't all that bad.

'twas pretty toned down this year, except for the car ride back to my place.

the cousin tailgated, swore and grumbled at slow drivers.

this, when she doesn't quite keep to her own lane.

anyways, the roomie and i had a late breakfast at ya kun @ parkway parade and we did some grocery shopping as well.

because we deplete eggs like gaston ala beauty and the beast, we bought 20 instead of the usual 10.

we were even contemplating the tray of 30. =P

the aunt gave me a sandwich toaster yesterday, and roomie J and i bought bread and tuna just because.

hmm...i had plenty of wisecracks to write about, but things just aren't flowing this afternoon.

HAVE YOURSELF A MERRY LITTLE CHRISTMAS

let your heart be light.

it ain't easy.

i got home about three hours back and have been winding down.

then the friend calls me up and orders me to get ready in 15 minutes.

we're going to have ice cream.

craziness i tell ya.

this christmas IS different.

WHEN YOU SAY NOTHING AT ALL

the smile on your face
lets me know that you need me
there's a truth in your eyes
saying you'll never leave me

the touch of your hand
says you'll catch me
whenever i fall

you say it best
when you say nothing at all

i never attached as much to this song until just.

when i replayed the recording of jason singing it to his wife.

sigh. (a happy and romantic one) =P

ON MY OWN

pretending he's beside me
all alone, i walk with him till morning
without him, i feel his arms around me
and when i lose my way i close my eyes
and he has found me.

i love him
but when the night is over
he is gone, the river's just a river
without him, the world around me changes
the trees are bare and everywhere
the streets are full of strangers.

i love him
but everyday i'm learning
all my life, i've only been pretending
without me, his world will go on turning
the world is full of happiness that i have never known.

i love him
but only on my own.

from the day i watched les miz as a primary school kid to the day i watched it again as a young adult, eponine has been my favorite character, and "on my own", my favorite song.

god only knows why i would relate to eponine at such a young age.

and only he knows why i would tell marco that i miss everyone...even though they're all around me.

i have a friend who's in canada now, telling me he thinks we'll have loadsa fun catching musicals and eating hotdogs off the stands in manhattan.

another acquaintance who tells me that his first impression of me was funness (in a non-risque sorta way).

and one more fella who tells me i'm "sunshine". yes, cheesy, but he was trying to make me smile.

no matter how upbeat i've tried to keep myself over the past couple of weeks, it's obvious that i've sunken down to a new low.

of course, add to that how someone wants to slap me for almost taking his life away, as he puts it.

and to top it off, he goes "merry christmas shiyin."

hurray.

it sure seems like i'm the new bitch on the block.

if being straight and holding back no punches renders me a bitch, then i suppose i've always been one. =)

so merry christmas to you too, boon.

as for the one guy i was proud to call my boyfriend...

you were the best thing that's happened to me in my young adult life.

if i hadn't loved you when we got together, i loved you when we left for home.

besides my scout brothers, you were the only one i've extended my left hand to.

and it will still be there for you.

whenever you feel ready to take it again.

from the depths of my heart,

take care, soon leong.

this has been the most eventful year for me yet.

and somehow, i know it's only just begun.

may the following year bring on more activity, blossom friendship and love.

major hugs and kisses to you who reads this.

merry christmas.

PARTY IN THE PARK

calling out around the world...

who: bakersloo line (yes they got their name from the london tube station)

what: some charity concert

when: tonight, 2030hrs (i think, since we're supposed to be there at 2000hrs for the soundcheck)

where: istana park, directly opposite the istana and plaza singapura

why: uh...because you wanna get into the chillin' christmas spirit? =) and of course, to watch me make a fool of myself yelling gloria gayner's I WILL SURVIVE!!!!

catch ya there!

hmm.

not well.

LET IT GO

i think we've been here before
i recognize this place
i've seen the mark of confusion
wipe out a single sign of grace

i don't wanna play anymore
not when the stakes are so high
so before we circle around once more
can we lay down
lay down this pride

let it go
let it be
don't waste all your emotion
on this tit for tat machine
let it go
let it be
let it go

don't go wasting your emotion
no one wins if we keep score

let it go
let it be
let it go.

i requested the band to replace "i will survive" with "if i ain't got you".

thought i might have the sass to carry it off now.

i've often been villianized, simply because of the way i do things.

in being villianized by some, others victimize me.

they victimize me by empathizing with me, or even sympathizing.

i do not ask for sympathy, empathy is fine.

very often, i've come out from adversity in one piece because i'm used to dealing with such on my own.

though a couple of weeks back, i felt so desperate that i called my friend up, sobbing and laughing at the same time.

he thought i had gone nuts.

i was sobbing out of shock and pain, but laughing because i couldn't believe my motor skills controlled my picking up the phone and calling my friend.

oh well.

hate me.

you know you want to.

MITTAGESSEN

this is what memories are made of...


the motley crew

merry christmas you two.

I GOT RHYTHM

arms and tummy's aching from my light body conditioning session last night before training.

we managed to get down most of the choreo...though things could be a lot better on my side. =(

me and my clumsy self managed to add on to the accumulative bruises on my elbows, hips and knees and that huge scar on my thigh.

looks like i won't be wearing shorts for a while.

the guys are trying to get me to wear a santarina outfit for friday's gig. i stopped at the hat.

latest events have got me going back to the "if you want something done, you gotta do it yourself" mentality.

sigh.

and people ask me to trust them.

BELIEVE

believe in what you feel inside
and give your dreams the wings to fly
you have everything you need
if you just believe

i walked under the christmas lights tonight.

before this, i had ridden under it.

it was interesting.

even as i was walking down the strip alone, it didn't feel like before.

of course, the lights still perpetuated the "lonely" bit, but something just felt different.

maybe the hair's got something to do with it.

PLAY THAT FUNKY MUSIC

things are looking up for christmas.

i may be singing at the istana park with bakersloo line this friday...=)

if this goes through, it'll be the first time i'll sing with the band in PUBLIC.

it'll be nice to jam with trev and jas again. they're excellent musicians.

check this out...


the goofball me

if this isn't some semblance of normalcy, i don't know what is.

back to warm vanilla goodness. =)

soon leong,

scouts' left hand shake?

shiyin.

ENAMORADO DE TI

the night sky's clear today.

i managed to catch the constellations you told me about that night.

just caught "perhaps, love" with the gang.

no words.

no words.

still in a daze with oscillating emotions.

i loved it.

geez.

a friend reminded me that i really started salsa on a cruise ship.

and that was a little more than a year back.

reminiscing. =)

ONLY LOVE

don't turn away, it's only love
quietly coming to you
whispering through you...

the song comes from the scarlet pimpernel.

his wife found out about his secret identity and didn't tell him.

and when he found out that she knew, he turned her away...and she sang this to him.

i wish i'd never have to sing this to anyone.

and that i would never have to convince anyone of my love for him.

because i will love him.

take my hand, it's only love
let it come to you slowly
don't be afraid, it's only love.

oh shit.

hmm.

let's wait a couple more days before i make a deduction.

KEYS

we just got the keys to our new place. =)

on the 100 back from raffles place, i passed some landmarks...

1) victoria theater.

and i saw you walking towards me.

2) raffles hotel, in all its christmas glory.

twist of fate.

christmas.

i tell you...it's the freakin' end-of-year syndrome.

TOO FANCY (Part II)

give me some courtside seats
i want my nose to bleed
he's just too fancy for me.

i keep having les miz's "on my own" replaying in my head.

and since the whole wide world knows...

it's painful, but i'll get through it.

sheryl crow was right.

first cut IS the deepest.

though contrary to what people try to do, i don't hate.

believe it or not, the feelings are still very much alive.

but i'm a realist, and i know what i have to do.

and this is what i need to do.

call me selfish. =)

IT'S NOT EASY

...to be me.

i got elbowed in the head tonight.

should've seen it coming, but oh well.

spent a good minute tearing at the red chairs near the entrance, not daring to look up at the few crowding around me.

am tired.

shouldn't have gone to union. =(

there were a few saving graces though.

thank you.

ANYTHING GOES

in olden days a glimpse of stocking was
looked on as something shocking
now heaven knows...
anything goes.

cole porter has always held a special place in my heart.

it isn't his persona (as portrayed in the movie de-lovely) that attracts me so, but his music.

remember the refrains from that adidas commercial of ella fitzgerald crooning "too darn hot"?

yum.

i even remember kissing someone i love ever so dearly to porter's "let's do it (let's fall in love)".

but to love painfully, and not blissfully, is something i can't do.

because i love myself even more.

i remember this once when a friend in poly told me this...

"you really ought to just let someone into your life so at least there's someone to take care of you."

and i just retorted...

"why do you think think i need someone to take care of me?"

it's been a trend...people telling me that i need to be taken care of.

I DON'T NEED YOU TO LOOK AFTER ME.

i'm no damsel in distress and i certainly need no white knight on a dark stallion.

yes, i appreciate your care and you watching out for me.

but i do not NEED someone to care for me.

maybe i want it.

though not right now, i don't.

so whoever you are, stay away from me.

and that includes you, you and you.

on a brighter note, certain company has made such crazy times more bearable...


my ride and his other passenger

the silent presence you need sometimes, may not be the one you're with.

he may just be there.


my ride and me

okay, i shall stop calling him my ride...he's wayne.

and if you remember, he's the one in those scandalous pictures of weeks past.


some people say...

we have "fu qi xiang", which means we kinda look like a couple.

though i'd prefer to see our resemblance as sibling-ish. =)

merry christmas, shiyin darling.

love you.

INSEPERABLE

and like a flower to a tree
like words to a melody...

it's raining.

ah...release.

thanks for crying on my behalf.

go on.

POUR.

WHEN YOU SAY NOTHING AT ALL

literally.

not the way ronan keating sings it.

on my way in to work today, i felt an overwhelming wave of sadness.

i resisted the urge to cry right there and then.

even now, i'm still resisting.

grow up now, little girl.

your hair's grown out.

SITTING ON THE DOCK OF THE BAY

wasting time.

the megatron wants me to have some time off.

unlike other bosses hidden behind velvet curtains, this one thought the time i took for my tunisian mission wasn't "rest" enough...=)

so yes, i'm getting time off.

though this just means i can spend more time on Caliente and moving.

and by a pure stroke of fate, roomie J's got the same time off as well.

what're the chances? =P

it's amazing how circumstances bring two people together.

CHESTNUTS

i fell asleep twice.

yes, with my head hanging.

while everyone was laughing away.

i'm THAT tired.

fifty bucks down the dunny that was.

I KNOW PEOPLE

...who know people...

yes cookie, this post is for you.

thank you for your concern.

the sstt will forever remain that wolf pack.

and no one screws with any of us.

any of us.

elmie, ernie, bert, bird, big momma: i know you're watching my back. =)

it's amazing how news gets around, sifting through unconnected channels.

THE WAY YOU LOOK TONIGHT

and i can't explain
but there's something about the way you look tonight...

is it the way she smiles?

or the way she dresses?

or perhaps, the way she moves?

i suppose you can never quite put your finger to why you might like her so.

you find her a mystery...an inspirationally contagious mystery.

everything about her just is.

she knows because you tell her.

and she appreciates it.

because the more ambiguous your description of like is, the more she knows it isn't about how she looks, just standing there.

and the more you try to rationalize why you love her, the more you'll lose it.

there're some things you really don't need to have an answer to.

you simply need to just smile, nod, take her hand...

...and dance. =)

MOVING ON UP

we're moving in next month! =)

i get to go shopping...for christmas and for our new place.

BREAKING UP IS HARD TO DO (Part II)

why do i feel like i've just broken up with him for the second time in two years?

we're at the juncture of renewing our vows...

so why do i feel so sad?

FROM MY HEAD TO MY HEART

From my head to my heart
can't seem to find a way they're so far apart
It's not you, it's not your fault
You've got everything I could ever want
And you've always understood my intentions are good
and we've been so close from the start
but the furthest distance I've ever known is
From my head to my heart

i woke up with evan and jaron in my head.

i suppose this has always been the case.

ALWAYS ON MY MIND

Maybe I didn’t treat you
Quite as good as I should have
Maybe I didn’t love you
Quite as often as I could have
Little things I should have said and done
I just never took the time

You were always on my mind
You were always on my mind

Maybe I didn’t hold you
All those lonely, lonely times
And I guess I never told you
I’m so happy that you’re mine
If I make you feel second best
Girl, I’m sorry I was blind

You were always on my mind
You were always on my mind

Tell me, tell me that your sweet love hasn’t died
Give me, give me one more chance
To keep you satisfied, satisfied

Little things I should have said and done
I just never took the time
You were always on my mind
You are always on my mind
You are always on my mind

elvis' voice haunts me to no end.

the words ring with such familiarity...it's amazing.

as i sit here, pondering over the happenings, or the the lackof, of the day, i drift back to adeline's words earlier...

A: so how is your new love?

S: it's like that.

A: so sweet ah you two, send each other flowers. =)

S: yeah...he was feeling a little upset so i crept a rose up on him. =)

A: good for you.

S: yeah, thanks. =)

in other news...

i've made up my mind. =)

i'm choosing mark over mus.

and club street over caldecott hill.

my heart over my head.

MY BABY YOU

are the reason i could fly
and cuz of you
i don't have to wonder why
baby you
there's no more just getting by
you're the reason i feel so alive.

don't think i've ever had a girl call me that before...=P

today's probably the first time a girl expressly said...

"take care, my baby."

aww.

how sweet it is to be loved by you.

some people should just keep a bloody dictionary in their bags.

i get the creeps when someone uses a phrase or word they don't really know the meaning to over and over again, simply to show that they can use bombastic language.

i'm guilty of using such vocabulary in my daily speech.

unfortunately though, it's been ingrained.

big language is overrated.

let's try to break it down and keep it simple please.

and if you think you need to keep up with me, you really don't need to.

i've grown up in a different environment, different plane, different society.

and i'm in a job that requires my understanding of the language to be of prime importance.

speak your comfort, write your comfort.

on that note, i think i will start keeping one in my bag again.

a dictionary, that is.

REFLECTIONS OF MY LIFE

all my crying
feel like dying, dying
take me back
to my old home...

i harmonized to udang singing this at jas' post-wedding party, and it's been in my head since.

the megatron and i had gone to view a really cool space along club street.

good vibes and all aside, it's close to caliente, and to the recording studio. =)

if all goes well, we'll be moving in in the next couple of months.

things are going well...or not, i don't know.

i still haven't quite given mus my answer.

YOU REMIND ME OF A GIRL

...that i once knew.

"you look like an actress."

"who?"

"ivy lee."


the three stooges

with mexican tiramisu and kilkenny, boddingtons and corona down our throats, we went home.

*yawn*

i'm on the phone.

LONGER

i had attended a eurasian wedding reception saturday afternoon, and sang at the post-wedding party at penny black in the evening.

my first gig in a pub that was.

it was a fantastic experience. =)

but the part that touched me the most was trevor singing dan fogelberg's "longer".

jason said he sang it to caroline just before he proposed to her.

i just wish i would be able to hear this, and sing this to someone, someday, in the same fashion. =)

Longer than there've been fishes in the ocean
Higher than than any bird ever flew
Longer than there've been stars up in the heavens
I've been in love with you

Stronger than any mountain cathedral
Truer than any tree ever grew
Deeper than any forest primeval
I am in love with you

I'll bring fire in the winters
You'll send showers in the springs
We'll fly through the falls and summers
With love on our wings

Through the years as the fire starts to mellow
Burning lines in the book of our lives
Though the binding cracks and the pages start to yellow
I'll be in love with you
I'll be in love with you

Longer than there've been fishes in the ocean
Higher than than any bird ever flew
Longer than there've been stars up in the heavens
I've been in love with you
I am in love with you

thank you jason and caroline, for making me believe in love.

thank you, trevor, for singing it so beautifully.

GIVE ME ONE REASON

...to stay here, and i'll turn my back around.

so i have the weekend to think things through.

hopefully, i would've gained some clarity by the time the week is up.

how many times can you reject someone to get him to stop?

in this case, i'm glad he hasn't.

something tells me though, if i were to say "no" this time, he'd quit asking.

and i'm not sure i'm ready for that.

so i need the weekend to think things through.

thank you for believing in me, mus.

FLOWERS

i want to buy you flowers
it's such a shame you're a boy
cuz if you are not a girl
nobody buys you flowers

i'd like to refute that stanza.

i bought him a flower. oh all right...A flower, not FLOWERS.

last night though, he surprised me with a whole bouquet of them flowers.

at union square. wow.

"you bought me a rose yesterday, so this is for you..."



"you said sunflowers made you smile, so i got you some..."



"you said you liked budding roses, so i got you some buds and some in full bloom..."



"and you said your favorite is the orchid, so i got you orchids of different varietals..."



yes, my favorite is this.

wow...flowers.

for me.

=)