MY GIRL

Curtis: The flight attendants on US Airways are a disgrace to Star Alliance. They could really take a leaf out of Singapore Airlines' book.

Me: Oh. So you like the SIA crew?

Curtis: Of course! They're the best I've encountered. When I boarded the SIA flight with Heidi the last time around, she got a little offended because I said "there are my girls!".

Me: Wow. You must really like them.

Curtis: Yeah. In fact, you have an SIA-girl look...why don't you go join them?

Me: I did.

Curtis: REALLY?!

Me: Uhhuh.

what a conversation-stopper i am eh? =)

anyways, Curtis said the funniest line today...

"What a waste of KrisFlyer miles she was!"

(on him bringing his ex over to singapore with him on his last trip.)

HOW CAN BILL GATES AND SIM WONG HOO BE IN THE SAME ROOM AT THE SAME TIME WITHOUT ME IN IT?

i want in.

can anyone smuggle me in?

I KNOW I'M NOT FAT

but the previous post had everyone thinking i think i am.

and from that presumption came this ultra-sweet comment:

hey, must assure u...

no matter how "Fat" you think u r... u r in the best shape

in my eyes, it is beautiful

not an inch more or an inch less makes Serene as beautiful as Serene.

thanks little jack jack =)

COCKTAIL FOR BRAZEN-(NESS?)

exotic dancing.

that's right.

just look at us who've done exotic dancing classes and tell me we aren't more daring.

ashley tells me i've been having a lot of freudent slips in my blogs of late...and figures i must be getting a whole lotta action.

(there goes one again.)

perhaps i have...done loadsa bodywaves, hip rolls, and grinding...ON THE DANCEFLOOR.

with women and men. =)

other forms of activity in the past week include helping a friend out with his photoshoot.

and i looked fat. seriously.

i know i'm slim and probably look just nice for my frame, so don't you go ragging on me with a tirade of "but you're so skinny!!"

brenda, the other girl doing the shoot with me, is absolutely skinny.

i mean...if i can look fat standing next to her...go figure.

that's not to say she's anorexic or anything.

brenda looks fantastic. she's just naturally skinny, small bones and all.

i've been lamenting to people who've asked me how the shoot went that i looked like shit in the pictures, the best picture probably being the one i held this card across my mouth.

i couldn't emote. not like brenda.

well, comparisons aside, i simply couldn't give the photographer anything.

trust me, i tried.

and here's my theory why it didn't work out:

my confidence is at its optimum in the right setting.

and the right setting happens to be in the outdoors, under natural light.

failing that, i would feel stifled and controlled.

how can someone as unbridled as me be placed in a controlled environment without being made to feel like a guinea pig?

that said, it might just be the close proximity of the camera that unsettled me.

those of you who saw the roxie hart act know i CAN tease and be extremely cheeky.

of course, my actions have to be a lot larger than life.

those moves are so unlike me that i'm not afraid to do it in front of a huge audience because everyone knows IT'S NOT ME.

but with a camera just a foot away from my face, i couldn't help but feel absolutely exposed.

nevermind the tube and the shorts (which were the most uncomfy things to wear because they made me even more conscious).

nevermind the blotches of purple forming over the whites of my eyes.

the fact that i was being photographed for ME...it scared me shitless.

and i didn't have the good sense to reject the proposition until it was too late.

right now, i'm just hoping i didn't spoil things for the photographer.

one thing's for sure though: i suck at this!

this guy's probably never gonna wanna photograph me again...haha.

LADY IN RED

now you know i'm not one to gush about things (except for exotic dancing and salsa), but this one dress had me going on and on...


by valentino

the first time i saw this number, i stopped short in front of the display and drooled.

i had wanted to snap pictures of it to see if anyone could tailor-make it for me, but decided against it cuz i didn't wanna look desperate.

several months down the road and it's still sitting pretty in the display, this time, with the word "SALES" running across it, like some sorta sign.

of course, however strong the calling is, there's no way i can afford something like that.

so i can only take pictures of it and dream up means to have it on me.

i'm not certain that i'll look good in it, but looking at how i looked in tube gowns and the color RED, it does seem like a perfect combination for me.

alas!

anyone know of someone who could get this done for me? ;)

PARTY PEOPLE, IT'S FRIDAY NIGHT

and party i did...at this little tyke's one-month-old celebratory dinner...


timothy

introducing little timmy, my cousin's second son, brother to benjamin.

just a month ago, he looked like this...


timmy's first day out (of his mom)

how adorable...*gush*

then there's my little jodie...


jodie baby...

...who looks like a cartoon character with her big eyes.


don't poke the bear!

now jodie, benjamin and timmy's grandma - my auntie jean - saw the tattoo at the back of my waist and paraded me around the whole dinner area, showing off the design that went all the way down to my butt crack.

seems like i've always been seen as "the cool one" in the family...

my other cousins would probably elicit a shriek and a stern talking to if they showed off their tattoos.

them getting tattoos would probably be seen as signs of rebellion, instead of being "cool".

how odd it is to have have such double standards, even though it's in my favor.

just one last picture before i end today's sharing...


SIGNS?!

the naked space ola kala left when they packed up and flew off.

doesn't it look like the freaky crop circle from SIGNS?

on a final note:

i never thought i could love dancing.

ADELAIDE'S LAMENT

mine, rather.

i was just whining to boon last night about how i haven't had one dance with philbie in the past couple of weeks.

i specifically mentioned the two last weeks because people have been telling me how much i've improved or how natural i've become when i dance...in these two weeks.

personally, i have no freakin idea how i look when i jiggy, but i agree i'm getting more brazen (which doesn't necessarily mean better).

and why single philbie out?

because i ALWAYS have fun dancing with philbie.

so to have had explosive dance nights over the past few days without philbie in the picture...doesn't quite complete it.

of course, there's boon - who's always been a joy to dance with.

thanks for flinging me all over the floor...hahaha.

he's the one guy who knows how much i love SPACE in my dancing, so i can not worry about bumping into people and shine with ease. =)

hmm. my mind suddenly went kaputt.

"i like to dance with you. your styling is very nice and natural. next time i'll ask you to dance more."

=)

and so said andy from the JJ performance team.

how's that for style? ;)

hmm.

it seems i don't have a "typical singaporean" look.

so how exactly does a typical singaporean look like?

enlighten me please.

i've been asked if i was korean or hongkonger.

actually, i've been asked if i was mainland chinese most often.

WHY AH?

i mean...cabbies will immediately start speaking to me in mandarin...before they ask which part of china i'm from.

and i thought i looked quite city-like...

HERMAN THE WORM

here're just a couple more quick pics i got last night.


ricky and i at union's entrance

ricky seems to have a performance stance in almost all his pictures, whether it's with ling, cynthia or others.

but that's a pretty nice picture, isn't it?


ling, cherie, me, daphne

i think cherie looks the freshest amongst us...=)

check out the flowers in our hair!

and moving along...

my triceps are aching after all that crawling last night...

i mean dudes...if you think exotic dancing is slinky and sexy, you are so right.

but it ain't easy getting there.

under every sensual move is major muscular contraction...and it HURTS.

so don't ever tell me you think it's simple, cuz i'll bitch slap your silly ass.

(like...STOP THOSE KINKY THOUGHTS THIS INSTANT!)

because class now ends at past ten, it really doesn't seem viable to go to union since we wouldn't be able to stay that long anyways.

BUT NO. we went.

and yes, time did fly by...but we had helluva good time.

i had a huge space to work with, and a partner who was interestingly cheeky with me.

the result?

a bloody fucking good time with no strings attached.

*evil laughter

DANCING IN THE MOONLIGHT

...and everybody's dancing in the moonlight...

- Toploader

i had helluva time trying to figure out why the PC wouldn't read the pics my friend passed to me on her cd-rom...and i finally got tired of trying to figure it out.

so i manually changed the format of all i had wanted to post.

yes, this shall be a (OH NO SHE CAN'T BE DOING IT!) a photoblog!

a much-delayed one, i add.

check out these school hall antics...


legs, legs, legs!

i bet my fellow rueda-mates never thought they'd step into another school hall...haha.

now, to account for the shorts and hairy legs, it was bloody stuffy in there okay?!

and we made sure we covered up when we danced for the kids later on.

what a sight of peace in the chaotic presence of rueda...


cherubic cherie

cherie was so taken by the piano that she simply sat there and tinkled the keys all through our sweat-gland-inducing session of rueda and salsa.

that chick is cool shit.

so bubba appeared to the sounds of "celebrate".

and me, i just so had to make my grand entrance with the raunchy "lady marmalade".


escorting serene

of course, the boys couldn't quit laughing because i'm SO NOT lady marmalade material...


laughing with the escort

so we joined them!

ricky dipped me at the very end.

i bet you not many performance groups get this kinda exposure or platform.

i mean...check this out...


dancing by firelight

we were dancing salsa and rueda by a freakin' campfire! how about that.

of course, since i was the emcee for the evening, i was left out of the following shots...


ling and boon

they make quite an awesome couple on the floor =)


yuli and daphne

daphne: i have a theory. if you love the camera, the camera will love you right back.

yes dear. you're right. =)


yuli and philbie

in my absence, my woman flew into the arms of another...=(

PHILBIE! YOU GET BACK HERE THIS INSTANT!

(oh come on...you didn't think i was gay, did you?)

and of course, philbie had to do this to spite me...


head freeze!

hhmph. men. no. WOMEN. bah.

now the above's all cool.

but this...now this...i'm pretty upset about...


rueda babies

WHY WHY WHY wasn't i in there?!

because i was THE emcee.

but you know what?

seeing all the pictures above makes me happy.

i'm glad we share a common interest and that we get along.

i hope ya'll had fun that night. =)

thank you for the memories.

i have a lotta pride.

but when something goes wrong and i'm a part of it, i will swallow my pride and admit my faults.

so why can't you do it?

why the hell do you have to try and justify your stupidity with absolutely absurd reasons?

you apologized to me once for having hurt and disappointed me.

now you've either become fucking disillusioned or turned back to your arrogant self.

but one thing's for sure:

however cocky you may seem to be in front of others, everyone knows you crumble in my presence.

CRUMBLE.

I'M GOOD

the euphoria dissipated sometime in the late evening.

even the dances with the most fantastic leads couldn't have salvaged that flat feeling.

and i refuse to believe this has anything to do with fatigue.

in the span of that few hours at union, everything around just managed to seep under my skin and stay there.

MY STYLE

after last night's titillating conversation which touched on topics like individual style, i was hell bent to see if i had one today.

judging from the leads' facial expressions and certain responses, i suppose i do.

of course, some credit had to be given to the red heels (i sure missed them over the week!) because they made me more brazen.

after someone told me of my similar styling patterns, i made a conscious effort to throw those counts of eights to the backroom.

and lo and behold, i came up with some pretty interesting shit.

i didn't do anything fancy, but i felt different.

and people saw different.

someone just threw me a terrific compliment...and that's brought a huge grin to my face.

i have flair.

it may not be obvious and i may not command attention on the dancefloor, but that's me...and as long as my lead enjoys dancing with me, i'm happy.

THE LADIES WHO LUNCH

individual style, too, has somewhat kept me away from some people tonight.

it was interesting, observing the dynamics without getting too caught up in the enthusiasm of the crowd that was.

listening and watching had me make out the dominant characters and those who just sat back and rode on the wave of their leaders' comments.

i feel a little sorry for such characters but i suppose such are the dynamics of the world, and that's what's keeping the world moving.

there are leaders, and there are followers.

of course, some may detest being stereotyped, but it seemed rather obvious to me who was what tonight.

i'm not a lady who lunches, but i'm seen as one.

it's okay for me not to be in a group, for even if i was, i'd be an inner outcast.

purely because there can never be too many of the same kind in one coven.

STANDING STILL

coupledom is extremely interesting to observe.

while lounging away at my corner at union, i chanced upon some really puzzling dynamics between this couple who used to look like they were joined at the hip.

as she sidled up to him, he seemed to recoil in disgust.

the movement was minute, but the body language spoke thousands.

the guy then proceeded to ask someone else to dance.

and all this happened without any of them even bothering to steal a glance at each other.

does it mean it's come to (OH GOD FORBID!) a standstill?

then i travel back to a burgeoning pseudo-relationship.

(i say "pseudo" because none wants to admit it's becoming one.)

actually, i'm too disappointed in the concept to even describe how the night went for the couple, and for the people around the couple.

i've only got one word for the guy - WEAK.

TALK TO ME

it seems like i don't even need to say it.

people just do.

i'm glad to be me.

just...shiyin.

wimps.

i'm so fucking sick of them.

i swear if i see another person with a saccharine-sweet smile and chirpy voice, i'm so gonna...

oh fuck it.

DANG BABES, EXCUSE MY FRENCH

oh how long have i known thee?

let me count the days...

1) since your wallflower (read: lanky and awkward) days when you trotted around with the head prefect because she was your best friend...

2) since the days you played second fiddle to the captain of your primary school basketball team...

3) since the time you had the weirdest crush on that scrawny little kid in the boys' team on your combined schools trip...

through to...

1) the days you rose to leaderhood in the PA Crew, secondary school basketball team and class...

2) the times when those younger kids had major crushes on you...

3) the occasions you won those songwriting and singing competitions.

you've never let me down even when you...

1) fell face down into the only JC that would take you in for its triple science stream...

2) didn't seem to mesh with the kids there...

3) decided to leave the institution because you felt like you had no place there.

you grew into your role in society when...

1) you scored that internship at the radio station...

2) you made a name for yourself during that internship enough for them to ask you back as a part-timer...

3) you made good grades in FMS (at the expense of your social life)...

4) you got through working, studying and volunteering...

5) you established great relations with your tutors and co-workers...

6) you won awards for your depressive works of art.

i'm also proud of you...

1) for your role as an international ambassador to your country...

2) for showcasing your bit of singaporean talent...

3) for being unconventionally truthful, yet diplomatic...

4) for, in one occasion, having 22 countries remember the name "singapore" because of your voice.

there've been bumps since, baby.

though they're nothing you can't handle.

i know there've been many times you've felt like you couldn't go on, but fact is...you have...gone on.

and you will still go on.

your time will come. i promise.

and when that time comes, you'll know why you had the strength to move.

i love you deeply...and no one else will come as close to loving you as much as i do.

none of this has been your fault. none of it.

and if you feel trapped, breathless, like you do now...

just close your eyes and feel your heartbeat.

YOU ARE ALIVE.

remember that.

there is no greater joy.

no one, absolutely no one, can touch you.

trust me.

i should know.

love,
your friend in the glass.

BACK FROM THE DEAD

i've had life sucked outta me for the past two days.

but the charcoal and anti-nausea pills were the bomb!

the latter knocked me out for the rest of yesterday and the former gave me enough room to have dinner.

i hate being THAT vulnerable.

and being subjected to all that care and concern.

urgh.

for now though...

THE BITCH IS BACK.

*evil grin.

i'm still mourning the loss of my jacket. =(

my tummy's acting up.

i haven't gotten back my heels.

this is not a good day.

I LOST MY DENIM JACKET.

I LOST MY GAP DENIM JACKET.

I LOST MY GAP DENIM JACKET I BOUGHT IN NYC LAST SUMMER.

*sob.

i was emotionally attached to that one.

please come back.

MAN, I FEEL LIKE A WOMAN

last night was one of those rare occasions i danced like a woman.

don't get me wrong...i have never doubted my gender nor harbored thoughts of alternative sexuality.

saturday night just happened to be IT.

i left the calling to the guys and just gave all i had as a follow.

turns out i didn't do too badly. =)

perhaps it was the red halter-tight black pants combo that did the trick...because i had strangers asking me to dance (and that doesn't happen to me often, reasons beyond me).

so how else was last night different?

1) i danced with my slut for more than a couple.

2) i danced the bachata with my slut.

3) philbie and i only had ONE dance...(still a good one, nevertheless ;))

4) this lady came to tell me her friend wanted to dance with me (and i acceded to that request, after buzzing about with philbie).

5) most of my dance partners for the evening wanted me to do shines.

it was probably the last of the list that made me feel the most "female".

i never quite saw myself as being able to hold my own with my shines, though i realized a very important element in "shining" yesterday.

i had to be CHEEKY.

so, with tongue firmly in cheek, i stuck my ass out, did hip rolls, bodywaves and all that jazz.

guess it helped that i was wearing some extremely tight clothing.

if you know me though, this isn't a very glaring part of me.

I AM NOT CHEEKY BY NATURE.

I DON'T WINK AND STICK MY ASS OUT VERY OFTEN.

actually, ashley calls me ANAL.

and so it goes...each dance becomes an act.

because it is only through acting that i can be that fun, groovy dancer.

other than that though, it seems like i'm just plain 'ol me.

and that ain't too bad either. =)

WHAT AM I TO YOU

this is fucking ridiculous.

and i thought only females could be that speculative and petty.

i tell you i'm not seeing anyone and i'm not interested.

you go on to deduce that it's an odd notion and that since i couldn't be lesbian, i'm probably lying about my single status.

so you go on speculating about who i'm with.

now this says many things about you:

1) you don't trust me.

2) you find some odd gratification in this absurd guessing game.

3) you're an idiot to risk a budding friendship.

i am single.

i'd really rather be than go out with the likes of you, you and you.

actually, you just blew it.

congratulations.

something extremely amusing just happened.

of course, it could only appear that way to me and not to the other party.

main takeaway from this:

men can't hide their true intentions.

they leave tracks.

good luck to you.

ooh...i've got fans. =)

SINGAPORE GIRL

i should've known i'd be called upon to do something like this.

after all, i've put myself out there enough to garner favorable recognition.

but why do i have such inertia?

because it's something so potentially huge and that i'll be an integral part of it?

that's not right.

i thought i loved basking in the limelight...ah. perhaps it really isn't my element. yet.

i can now empathize with how hard or harried the olympic committees of the bidding countries work.

i'm part of the team that'll be bidding for the world scout jamboree to be held in singapore in 2011.

i'll be putting my views across at the youth forum.

i'll be giving the final presentation for the singaporean delegation at the world conference. in tunisia.

you see the gravity of the situation now?

i'd really rather sing and dance...haha.

i seriously need to fall in love with this project soon.

and then i ask myself why i get roped into such initiatives.

after sleeping over it last night, i realized it was the very same thing that got SIA to hire me despite my chubby self then (even though they couldn't tie me down for much longer).

because i had IT.

and because i have IT.

little superhero girl.

WELCOME TO MY WORLD

there was this one thing that stuck in my mind about last night.

it wasn't the great rueda performance we put up;

wasn't the chemistry between bubba and i;

wasn't the campfire at all.

the one thing that hogs my mind till this very morning is this:

"oh girl...come, give me a hug."

i don't know why, but somehow, this did it for me last night.

those words resonated above the pulsating beats in the club.

the hug was brief, yet comforting.

i suppose it was the "D" word i said in the car that got her a little concerned.

thanks, daphne.

so how hard was it to keep up with a cheerful facade all through last night?

PRETTY DAMN HARD.

imagine phelgm creeping up your oesophagus, threatening your gag reflexes to expel it.

and trying to stifle coughs while you're speaking.

all this while prancing around and screaming out cheers and encouragement.

with a smile plastered on your face.

IT'S PRETTY DAMN HARD.

but it's the one thing i'm really known for in my scouting life - my competency and professionalism.

i'm just feeling sad that i haven't been able to spend as much time with my boys...and i'm feeling terribly upset that my fellow leaders have to take up my share of the work.

my role seems to have shifted somewhat.

my USP has made me such a personality within scouting that i've become more of politician than an actual scout leader.

i fear i'll lose touch with my base, as i become more exposed and take on more non YCS-specific assignments in time.

with even civil service affiliates trying to get me onto committees of sorts, things are looking a lot more complicated now.

on a personal level, I WOULD PROGRESS.

but i'd have to take on such progression before returning fully to scouting.

my progression would be a product of my USP, and it is that very thing that i can sell my scout group with.

i just hope my boys know that i love them still.

THANK YOU

i'm sick, and dehydrated.

allow me to thank the people who've taken such great care of me...

philbie: thank you for offering to carry my heavy bag and lending me your shoulders...um...head. you my NU REN.

simon: thanks for getting me the medication. =) and coordinating things today...

boon: thanks for the tea. you the man. haha...

i'm tired. =(

*pick up the handset.

GUY: ...(confidential work stuff)...and i didn't want you going into your weekend hating me.

ME: oh. okay.

*put down the handset.

*smile.

i want to marry someone like him.

SHALLOW

i've been.

ANGST

i need.

REASON

i have.

LIVE

i will.

GO

you must.

ARE YOU READY?

no, not really.

i can see now why tom calls it a "career-defining story".

the stakes are only gonna get higher and i'm not sure if i'm ready for any other changes.

there's already way too much excitement.

thanks for believing in me.

i'll think about it.

i think i oughta thank the guy who tipped me off.

YOU ARE THE SUNSHINE OF MY LIFE

DP was the first to give me a sunflower.

bubba, the next.

and last night, i received my third sunflower from someone i don't quite know yet.

now if the previous sunnies were anything to go by, last night's gifter could, someday, turn out to be one of the few real guy friends i'll ever have.

"i got you something for your room," was all he said.

what a perfect end to a nice, food-filled evening.

nothing quite beats the simplicity of wanton noodles, fried oysters and sugar cane juice.

what a perfect date.

that said, i'm STILL not comfy with the concept of "oh-let-me-open-the-door-for-you" and flowers...=)

mom: so have boyfriend now or not?

me: no.

mom: why not?

me: because men are so bloody irritating.

mom: okay.

i sure am a spoiler, aren't i? =)