you all know how big SHINE is for me.

yesterday though, i fucked up.

and you know why?

because i called for a meeting at my place, then shifted the meeting to suntec (even though some were already waiting at my lift landing and brought food) because my boyfriend kicked up a big fuss about it.

even after i suggested we talk about church, he ordered me to step out of my meeting at suntec to talk to him "for a while".

the "a while" ended up to be two-thirds of my meeting time.

by that time, i've already established to the rest of the committee (ALL YOUNG KIDS FROM JC and UNI) that i'm an incompetent girl.

yes, i am the only girl in the committee.

thought i could make a huge entrance because of my capabilities and gender.

guess what.

i got a call this morning from one of the co-chairs of the SHINE panel.

he was the one who asked me to co-chair the committee for this project.

this phone call wasn't so pleasant though.

he rapped me on the knuckles for pulling a stunt like yesterday.

he just fell short of asking me to leave the committee.

i blew it.

i fucking blew it.

i'm the unprofessional co-chair of the committee who called for a meeting at my place, requested for them to come down to suntec instead, and not even turn up for my own meeting.

because i was out under the sun having an argument with my boyfriend who refused to let me go.

ALL MY FUCKING FAULT.

you do realized that i just fucked up my chances right?

add to that the cab fare i had to reimburse those who came down from my place and the food i paid for.

i fucked up.

some people just don't understand a small screw up like this could potentially hurt the rest of my future.

THE LADIES WHO LUNCH

there're some people who don't know the meaning of the title phrase.

it really just means upper class ladies or socialites who spend time meeting each other for lunch or high tea or whatever they do in upper class-UK.

so there you go...serene's english tip for the day.=P

anyways, i am usually quite put off by girls who seem to head a clique with them putting down their "not-as-pretty" friends in the same group.

just imagine paris hilton (not sure if she disses everyone else around her, but...) without the money.

people like that are probably the most insecure of the lot.

they seem to only be able to feel good about themselves if they can harp on their superficial goodness and put others down.

i'm amused.

there's this one girl in my salsa class.

she joined the class with a group of her girl friends.

they allow her to make fun of them...and she sure doesn't do it in an obviously joking manner.

yes, she looks like she'll make a stellar tai-tai.

and i'm amused because she seems to be kissing my ass.

i remember my days as a student...

we all wanted to be in the teachers' good books.

we wanted to be the ones asked to help her carry her books, clean the black board and just be asked to do something.

ten years down the road, i'm a teacher.

but i don't teach kids.

i didn't quite figure grown-ups would wanna kiss ass like that as well.

i'm amused.

ONE HEADLIGHT

actually i just wanted to highlight the name of the group that did the title song - the wallflowers.

jakob dylan (yes, son of bob dylan) heads it.

panda and i discussed leaders...how many different kinds there are, and how different it is for one to be appointed a leader and for him to display leadership qualities.

the gist of the whole conversation is:

you learn humility from growing into a leader, and not quite from being a leader at first instance.

you can display leadership qualities but not be a leader.

and, from personal experience, it's not a bad thing to have been a wallflower.

because you learn to have everyone in your sight, and not leave her standing by the corner, waiting for someone to just talk to her.

how can i explain leadership prowess without sounding pompous, you think?

for the record, i've never been up-the-ass tight and overly-complacent.

i'd prefer to see myself as being self-aware, and knowing what i'm capable of.

so there.

bottom feeders can go find someone else's ass to kiss.

CHILD'S PLAY

last night was my cousin's newborn's one-month celebration.

so that was an excuse for the lot of us to gather at my aunt's place for some good food and butt-slapping humor. =P

here're some for the album...


with baby solin.

she's four ang paos long, if you can count. =P

mom said I was as tiny as her.

i was a mere four pounds when I creeped outta her belly!


benjamin-min and aunty serene.

this tyke made me aunty for the first time. =)

he didn't use to smile when he was younger...but he knows how to play to the camera and crowds now.


brothers benjamin and timothy

and it was benjamin who gave timothy his english name.

tim looks exactly like benjamin when he was younger.


siblings, as usual.

what more can i say about my brother? =)

HE HAD ME, HE JUST DIDN'T KNOW IT.

Show me how you do that trick
The one that makes me scream, she said
The one that makes me laugh, she said
And threw her arms around my neck

Show me how you do it
And I promise you I promise that
I’ll run away with you
I’ll run away with you

Spinning on that dizzy edge
I kissed her face and kissed her head
And dreamed of all the different ways I had
To make her glow

Why are you so far away? she said
Why won’t you ever know that I’m in love with you
That I’m in love with you

- just like heaven, katie melua.

do i love him?

do i?

no less than ten close friends have told me something to this extent thus far...

"when you're happy, you're really happy. when you're sad, you're really sad. i don't know how, but you seem to make the world feel happy and sad together with you.

"serene, people want you to be happy because they know you're a nice person, and that you DESERVE to be happy."

i can't see why people would think i deserve to be happy.

everyone deserves to be.

on the flip side, desiree pointed out one other person who has that "ability" to make people feel with him: ADOLF HITLER.

he's such a naughty example but i get what she means.

i hope i never have to go down his route.

if i truly have the power to subconsciously make people feel with me, then i want them to feel happy with me.

in that aspect, i know what i should do.

because although i'm not made to feel responsible to these people, they are the ones waiting by the wings of the court, cheering me on.

and in my opinion, for that, all of them DESERVE to be happy.