you all know how big SHINE is for me.

yesterday though, i fucked up.

and you know why?

because i called for a meeting at my place, then shifted the meeting to suntec (even though some were already waiting at my lift landing and brought food) because my boyfriend kicked up a big fuss about it.

even after i suggested we talk about church, he ordered me to step out of my meeting at suntec to talk to him "for a while".

the "a while" ended up to be two-thirds of my meeting time.

by that time, i've already established to the rest of the committee (ALL YOUNG KIDS FROM JC and UNI) that i'm an incompetent girl.

yes, i am the only girl in the committee.

thought i could make a huge entrance because of my capabilities and gender.

guess what.

i got a call this morning from one of the co-chairs of the SHINE panel.

he was the one who asked me to co-chair the committee for this project.

this phone call wasn't so pleasant though.

he rapped me on the knuckles for pulling a stunt like yesterday.

he just fell short of asking me to leave the committee.

i blew it.

i fucking blew it.

i'm the unprofessional co-chair of the committee who called for a meeting at my place, requested for them to come down to suntec instead, and not even turn up for my own meeting.

because i was out under the sun having an argument with my boyfriend who refused to let me go.

ALL MY FUCKING FAULT.

you do realized that i just fucked up my chances right?

add to that the cab fare i had to reimburse those who came down from my place and the food i paid for.

i fucked up.

some people just don't understand a small screw up like this could potentially hurt the rest of my future.