things never do turn out the way you plan for them to.

just like today...when ashley and i got off work slightly earlier, i thought i'd be able to head home for a nap before going off to rehearsals. but my relatives bugged me to go to a lunchtime performance at the esplanade concert hall...and i just had to go. if i had gone home straight after that, i would've been able to rest some, as well as go through my lines. but of course, they didn't go home. they wanted to go have lunch, and then by the time i got home, it was way past 1600hrs. i only had an hour plus to rest before i had to head down to woodlands.

laughed my heart out during my time with the cast, but the end got pretty draggy...we had to iron out several details, including rehearsal days. now that was irritating. but anyways...

felt rather high this morning after downing a cup and a half of tea. i bought tea, terence bought tea...so we had double the goodness.

i was tired.

i am tired.

want to sleep but my hair's still wet.

to think i actually wanted to head to the gym for some triceps-work today. sigh.

a major headache beseiged me straight after rehearsals.

fyi, i ain't playing the principal no more. the principal turned up tonight. i'm back to playing a student, but because this girl who's supposed to play the bitch has pulled out, i'm playing "the wild one".

bleah.

i'm so so tired...

...and worried for my brother. he started off with a sore throat. now he's got a slight fever. this doesn't bode well for someone who's alergic to paracetamol and leukemic (ex).

i need sleep.

if it ain't my mom sounding me out, it's my aunts.

i think my mom's used to my stories about men. my aunts...now they're another story.

i had another BOYFRIEND TALK with my aunt from the US today. i almost fell off the chair when she said "you can go find yourself a boyfriend now". haha.

then we went into this whole thing about how this thing can't be forced, and how is it possible to "go find" a boyfriend. like...hello? i ain't trippin...

and why force something you know isn't easy?

perhaps i have the words "SABO ME" tattooed in invisible ink (that only few can spot) on my forehead.

remember i got "SABO-ed" to sing something with Lobo the last time i went on the cruise? this time, i was asked to bring the performer a bouquet of flowers! man...that was so hilarious. halfway through watching robin goh (talented guy but one who's been weeded out with the influx of pretty faces) sing, the cruise staff came to me and asked if i would hand the flowers to him. geez...

and as if that wasn't enough, my relatives pushed me to join the karaoke competition (which i won)...

i think the heavens don't want me to get tanned. everytime i try to get some sunshine on my freakishly pale skin, the sky would become overcast. and my bro and parents would heave sighs of relief because they've always told me not to get too much sun. arrgghh!!! i want my tan!!

anyways...so while walking with my family past the library on the cruise, one of the cute staff (a guy, obviously) turned around and smiled at me. i thought he just happened to turn to speak to his colleague and met my eyes or something, that's why. then today, after disembarking, this same guy was wheeling this old lady out of the cruise center. he was waiting for his colleague, and i was waiting for my cousins to get outta the washrooms. then i turned and chanced upon him just looking at me. and he just kept looking! wah lau...freaky shit...haha.

i'm tired...i come home to grab my CD, then head down to school to teach the guys some hip hop for next week's performance. i had a good work out...haha.

then i find out during a brief meeting...that i'm to choreograph and do something with the boys for the anniversary dinner this november. then i find out i'm the emcee. then i find out i'm to be the fella who swings the dragon ball thingee around while the elders and performing the dragon dance.

dang. look who'd busy...

i'm SO looking forward to salsa this friday!!!

okay...i gotta go read my monologue. wish me luck...;)

what did i tell ya? rehearsals are absolute funness...

today's time with the cast was (as the director, dennis, puts it) "redundant". it wasn't because we were fantastic actors, but rather...the ones who were supposed to be the drivers of the play didn't show up. not for one rehearsal.

so the guy sits me and this other girl (who's really one of the main "student" characters) down after rehearsals...and while he's having dinner, asks if i would like to try playing the principal.

now i was shocked. because...you see...this principal character is absolutely bogus. she's the stereotypical principal who's really old, but not married. well...at least that's what the script seems to say. dennis came up with this part with a really pudgy girl in mind...so it was very odd he'd ask me to play the principal since i don't even look comical. or do i? hmm...food for thought.

but oh well, i said i'd try...so the whole weekend on the cruise ship's gonna be spent trying to memorize the bloody monologue and working on comic timing...haha.

it should be fun...i'll just go freakin wild!

so uh...if i do snitch this role, then be prepared to see a totally different serene...haha...or an actor serene.

i just hope i wouldn't have to sing like a freakin frigid principal! ;)

it's late and i still haven't yet come up with a topic for tomorrow's discussion/interview.

but not to worry, for serene thrives on stress and uncertainty and only...yes ONLY produces good work if her mind's totally messed up...*evil grin*

watch out world.

i had a mother of a gastric attack yesterday. man...it sucked major.

my energy level was so low today, and i was so easily irritable. fortunately i wasn't given enough ammunition to flare up at anyone...haha. i just sighed the whole day through...which was bad enough already.

didn't even have the energy to go for rehearsals today...and i really wanted to because rehearsals, tiring as they may be (purely because they're on till so late), they're still loadsa fun.

it seems like an awfully short week, because my days are so packed.

wednesday. work, meetings...

thursday. work, press conference, rehearsals.

friday. work, packing stuff for cruise, meet my boys, cruise.

dang. what a week this will be...;)

sometimes you get absolutely pissed by someone.
 
then one sweet gesture by the person would erase all the horrible shit he puts you through.
 
in my case, it's a group of people who did something really sweet for me today.  it may have been a really small gesture on their part, but hey...it made my day.  and it got plenty of people thoroughly jealous.
 
earrings are such small details.  people used to assume i had ear holes until i pointed out that i didn't.  and when i did get my ears pierced (last october), everyone thought that they were there all along.
 
so where the hell am i going with this?
 
well, my boys gave me a pair of "flourescent light stick" earrings at the zhonghua campfire today.  while i may not have exhibited it, i was truly surprised...and in shock...and touched.  especially when everyone stared, then asked where i got those light earrings from.
 
so for the rest of the evening, i was slip-sliding away...floating...on cloud nine...whatever.
 
the day ended perfect.

if you know me, you'd know that i was freaked about last night's "speech"...well, all the way till last night, that is.
 
it sure didn't help that the two guys who spoke before me were such dynamic and energetic speakers.  but i guess it was kinda cool to have a girl speak in the obviously testosterone-dominated panel.
 
i figured i didn't do too badly, since i actually made some people laugh.  i'm someone with horrid comic timing, so it really is a feat to have someone laugh at the jokes i crack...so yeah, i guess i'm proud of how i did last night.
 
rehearsals for college girls have been increased to three nights a week.  i don't know how i'm gonna get through the next week all bright-eyed but i'll try.  it really is all about your attitude, i suppose.
 
i really can't wait for salsa to start on friday nights so i'll have something to look forward to...and you'll probably see a re-energized me every monday.  i never expected how much i loved to dance until recently.  and when i say dance...i don't mean house or disco but more latin and hip hop...haha...
 
imagine...once that starts, it'll be like poly days for me all over again...when i'd hardly got home before 2300 hrs.  well, during poly, i hardly ever got home before 0100 hrs...so this'd be a huge improvement.
 
dragon dance training's gonna start August...so that should be fun as well.  thought i just really wanna get my hands on the lion dance drum.  oh well.  so many things, so little time.
 
sometimes it feels no one understands
i don't even know why i do the things i do
when pride builds me up till i can't see my soul
will you break down these walls and call me through...
 
- Journey, Corrinne May

last night's dream has been eating me up...

it was just so surreal...

some time ago, anita and robin asked me about cole...and she asked why it wasn't at all possible for us to get back together (after i shook my head furiously when she asked).

in my dream, where i was with cole...i actually thought back about what anita said and smiled.

and that's the scary part.

i think i dreamt about cole last night.

it's either him or someone who looks like him...hmm...

i dreamt that we got along, and we were happy. very happy, in fact.

it was one of those rare nights i actually had such a sweet dream...(i usually have nightmares).

i guess i miss him...well, maybe not him...but i miss having a good friend.

a really good friend.

the krispy kremes are here!!!

and my brother tells me he's gonna wake up early tomorrow, grab all the krispy kremes and stash them somewhere...so my relatives won't be able to find it and he can have it all to himself...haha...

so today was jam-packed. well, sorta. the photoshoot was a disappointment. we spent most of the time walking around far east, looking for costumes...then went back to woodlands cc for the shoot. apparently, i was the most unnatural...and i knew that, because i just can't act sultry, or look bitchy, or act ultra sweet. if you ask me to pose, i'll just fold my arms and...either give you my trademark "mickey" grin, or not smile at all.

though i suppose the rehearsals were a lot more fun. i didn't pull off adelaide's lament the way i wanted to, but it was still well-received, because no one's heard of it before!

i did the hip hop routine and they thought it looked great...haha...a couple of people even commented earlier that i have a dancer's physique and whether i was lying about not being a dancer. (little do they know i got all my moves from the gym...that's why it's so well-choreographed!)

i'm so tired...got home past 2300hrs. everyone but my brother (who'll be sleeping in my room as well for the duration of my relatives' stay) was already sleeping.

it's been a long day for everyone. and a super-long week for me.

now i have to write up a monologue/act for thursday evening and think of what the hell to tell those old geezers at the seminar friday!

damn those short skirts and cutesy poses!!

this simple song struck me.

it's like...you don't miss him, but there are times you wonder why you don't...

As I sit and watch the snow
Fallin' down
I don't miss you at all
I hear children playin' laughin' so loud
I don't think of your smile

So if you never come to me
You'll stay a distant memory
Out my window I see light doing dark
Your dark eyes don't haunt me

And then I wonder who I am
Without the warm touch of your hand

And then I wonder who I am
Without the warm tough of your hand
As I sit and watch the snow
Fallin' down

I don't miss you at all
I don't miss you at all
I don't miss you at all

- Don't Miss You At All, Norah Jones

i realize i've become a lot more passive these days.

perhaps age is catching up with me.

in the past, i'd push for things to happen. but now, if the guys don't wanna do it, i'll just give a "whatever" and leave. no point in pushing it.

but hey...that "whatever" usually does the trick. ;)

i wish people would stop telling me how busy they are and verbally lining up their chores for the week. and i wish they'd stop implying how i can never find time in my "busy" schedule to meet up with them.

because unlike them, i need to be alone at times. i already hardly have time for myself. i need to breathe. i need some space in my own little corner. i just wanna be able to lie back, shut my eyes and breathe easy.

starting next week, things will get a lot more hectic, and i don't suppose i'll get time to myself until two weeks later, when i get on the cruise ship with the family. i say i'll get time to myself because they'll all be at the casino and i'll be hanging in the room...

if you've kept up with my recent blogs, you'd know how busy i'd be and why. and i ain't gonna spell out everything that i'll be doing till the time is through.

but i'll be so busy that my aunt and cousins coming over from LA won't be able to see me that often during their time here. and get this: they're staying at my place.

how pathetic is that?

sigh...will write more in a bit...since people seem to find shorter blogs more digestible...;)

for so little practise, i suppose we did okay.

and for guys with such short attention spans, i guess teaching them that much in a few hours is helluva feat in itself.

even chou hong, who refused to dance, learnt some steps from those i taught yesterday...

i guess i oughta be pretty proud of myself ;)

we should've done a longer hip hop routine...if only we had more time to practise, and if they all were as enthusiastic from the beginning...

oh well. rome wasn't built in a day.

but i've already created inroads in my rome...*grin*

this is cool shit...haha...


E.T.!


What movie Do you Belong in?(many different outcomes!)
brought to you by Quizilla

man...i never realized how much i depended on the telly to get through those long nights.

and it's not like i actually sit down and watch the programs. i have it on while i'm doing my research, surfing the net...reading...you'd think that i'd be able to get along just fine without it. DEAD WRONG.

i felt so lost for the past few nights when my dad borrowed the SCV set-top box for the euro 2004 finals. i had both computers on...one with kulak's woodshed's performances streaming from LA...and the other streaming kiisfm's radio show. hell...i simply couldn't concentrate! not because of all the noise that's going on, but because when i swivel my chair around, i'm greeted by...a blank screen. and it just feels so odd.

for three nights i felt odd. haha...

oh...by the way, i've booked my tickets to NYC and LA for september! will be gone from the 19th to 1st october. it's really time-consuming, but really fun as well to search for the cheapest fares...and to convince my mom that staying in a hostel for a few nights ain't such a bad thing...especially if it's on 47th street! that's just a few avenidas away from rockefeller center, radio city music hall and times square!

i think my mom will have a lotta fun traveling with me. for one...we don't have a bloody tour guide on our backs and we don't have to rush.

i just wish my brother could join us though. we'd paint the town red! haha... but mom should be fine with me...as long as i can take her shopping for a bit, she's happy ;)

it turns out i will have more days in LA than i expected...and so...i'm planning a trip to mexico! and my mom's so trippin'! cuz she really ain't too comfy about being in such a "foreign" place...(aka, non-english speaking) she's really gotta thank the heavens that i just have to brush up a little on my spanish to get by over there.

i gotta confess that i'm planning the trip over the weekend (though i ain't sure if it's a good idea now) because i don't wanna have to spend more time with my aunt's husband as i would already have to during the week evenings. he's such a freakin' MCP and i've got such a strong personality that BAD sparks would fly when we face off...haha. believe me, i've tried time and again to keep my thoughts to myself...until i really couldn't stand it anymore. i'm so happy he's a taiwanese who's still got a bad grasp on english...and i can get my kicks by being horribly sarcastic and he wouldn't get it! yes yes...cheap thrill, i know.

i love spanish

i love spanish

i love spanish