ON MY OWN

pretending he's beside me
all alone, i walk with him till morning
without him, i feel his arms around me
and when i lose my way i close my eyes
and he has found me.

i love him
but when the night is over
he is gone, the river's just a river
without him, the world around me changes
the trees are bare and everywhere
the streets are full of strangers.

i love him
but everyday i'm learning
all my life, i've only been pretending
without me, his world will go on turning
the world is full of happiness that i have never known.

i love him
but only on my own.

from the day i watched les miz as a primary school kid to the day i watched it again as a young adult, eponine has been my favorite character, and "on my own", my favorite song.

god only knows why i would relate to eponine at such a young age.

and only he knows why i would tell marco that i miss everyone...even though they're all around me.

i have a friend who's in canada now, telling me he thinks we'll have loadsa fun catching musicals and eating hotdogs off the stands in manhattan.

another acquaintance who tells me that his first impression of me was funness (in a non-risque sorta way).

and one more fella who tells me i'm "sunshine". yes, cheesy, but he was trying to make me smile.

no matter how upbeat i've tried to keep myself over the past couple of weeks, it's obvious that i've sunken down to a new low.

of course, add to that how someone wants to slap me for almost taking his life away, as he puts it.

and to top it off, he goes "merry christmas shiyin."

hurray.

it sure seems like i'm the new bitch on the block.

if being straight and holding back no punches renders me a bitch, then i suppose i've always been one. =)

so merry christmas to you too, boon.

as for the one guy i was proud to call my boyfriend...

you were the best thing that's happened to me in my young adult life.

if i hadn't loved you when we got together, i loved you when we left for home.

besides my scout brothers, you were the only one i've extended my left hand to.

and it will still be there for you.

whenever you feel ready to take it again.

from the depths of my heart,

take care, soon leong.

this has been the most eventful year for me yet.

and somehow, i know it's only just begun.

may the following year bring on more activity, blossom friendship and love.

major hugs and kisses to you who reads this.

merry christmas.