i felt the urge to look up this post...and be humbled by it.
*****
Tuesday, July 05, 2005

IF I KISSED YOU

and if i kissed you
would you lose track of time
would you feel the surge of happiness
running up your spine
would you run naked in the street
with a tattoo of my name on your behind

if i kissed you.

- corrinne may.

this song hasn't stopped being on replay since i got hold of her album.

this, and "save me" are two songs i absolutely have to listen to on a long bus ride home.

picture this:

you board the bus.

as you walk to a vacant seat, you sight this girl mouthing something, and looking blissfully at the passing scenary.

you sit down and keep observing this girl.

you catch her tapping her feet, accenting her rhythm at several points and moving her fingers like she's playing an imaginary keyboard.

as she stops running her fingers across her bag, she smiles...and glances at her ring.

she fingers her ring.

and smiles again.

that girl is me.

i look like i'm blissfully unaware of the grey shade enveloping my surroundings.

i look like i'm happily engaged or married.

i look like i'm...well, happy.

and i am, happy. at least for the duration of songs like the two abovementioned.

the ring is a deliberate effort to keep men at bay.

though sometimes, i feel the ring perpetuates my singlehood.

such is the irony of my reality; your pseudo-reality.

as the melody of the songs die down, the shade of grey seems to creep closer...and i find myself reaching out, trying to grab on to any song that'll take my hand.

i scroll clumsily through my playlists, finding that one extra number that'll keep me up five minutes longer.

and when i can't get my fix, i'd fall into withdrawal.

in some odd way, i feel like a hardcore addict for my faith.

though you can't blame me, can you?

it's the only thing that's been constant in my life, from my days as a wallflower till my present.

MUSIC IS MY RELIGION.

i sing for you and only you
wherever i go i find you
you're in the sound of every hello
in everything i do

you're the song i was destined to know
and i'll only sing for you.

- daniel letterle, i sing for you

he is my lover...one whom i'm never afraid to call MY LIFE.

my pride was never an issue in this relationship, because i've always been at the receiving end.

he's taught me how to love, and in the absence of giving, to embrace the love one might give.

there was a time another came close to rivaling my love - salsa - and i was in turmoil for a while.

how could i love another?

but he was kind, and told me to go.

and i realized that love need not be spread between the two, but that it could be multiplied.

so they compromised and co-exist in my life now.

but THIS part of me will belong to him, and him only.

I WANT TO SING.
*****
can you get me?