Wednesday, July 13, 2005

YOU DON'T KNOW ME

you speak of her like she could do no wrong.

you think she's special because you think she does things differently from others, including yourself.

you elevate her to goddess status.

i'm not saying she's a sinner.

i'm not saying she isn't special.

i'm not even disputing her goddess status in your heart.

i'm simply presenting a contrarian view of how the people hovering around us now might just be that kinda special as well.

and perhaps they just aren't showing us that side of their lives.

then you insist that "she really is special" and i'm saying things like this because i don't know her.

how well do you know her? or me, for that matter?

what if i told you that whatever you think of her as special for, i've already gone through?

would it make me any less conventional to you?

no.

because i would never reveal that side of me to you.

so you can go on thinking of me as normal (read: boring) and one-dimensional.

and how she's so much more special than me, or her, or her, or her...
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3 comments:

Anonymous said...
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2:03 AM
Anonymous said...

Serene, you're special in your own way too. Even if you don't tell me about it, whatever you show still shines through.

Despite the times we get visibly irritatted with each other, and to be very frank, i've had my fair bit of bitching about you to my friends but i always tell them you're still special in your own way.

My closer friends would know how i whine about me struggling to get out of your shadow (amidst the bitching... how ironic eh? :D)

I'm just uncomfortable how the word "special" is diluted when everybody can be "special" - in their own way.

Of course they can be, i'm not disputing that. I'm just saying, some people truly deserve that title, like Mother Theresa, like Gandhi.

I'm not elevating my friend to demi god status. It's just that how she handles her life broke my perception of how women usually does things. That to me is special.

And i'm sure, if others knew about what she went through would see her in a special light too. I'm just not at liberty to say what.

AND i would be shocked if you had gone through the shit she did. :P

Not saying it's not possible, but i wouldn't have wanted you to. No woman should.

I know you tend to see the world in a "If Serene can do it, so can you!" way. And Serene is a strong character indeed.

But, there're many things Serene does, that, a lot of people can't. And vice versa of course.

Perhaps that's what make each of us special - in our own way. Doing the things we do, not doing the things other people do.

Perhaps that's how we can appreciate the unique qualities in each and every one of us.

That without having to pass judgement on people and seeing them through our own sets of morals and values.

You have a sturdy set of morals and values.

I have too.

Things have been rather tensed in the office of late, i hope this alleviates some of the tension.

p.s. i felt that this post was directed at me. You might be directing it at somebody else.

Nevertheless, i knew you weren't too happy about how we concluded that topic over lunch that day. I thought maybe we would let it slide. I just didn't think you were so perturbed by it to bring it up on your blog.

9:24 AM
shiyin said...

very sweet of you to tell me how you feel, ashley.

it really was a general blog.

of late, i've been hearing way too much about how she and she is special...from guys who have all these warped romantic notions.

these guys, who think that chivalry and persistence will get them the girl.

it just got me wondering why people would think of some as "special" and others as not.

and they behave so differently towards miss special and miss not.

i wasn't really perturbed about our conversation because i do have people who'll always remain THAT OUTSTANDING in my heart as well. the people who've saved me. like wayne.

through typing it all out, i was just trying to see the bigger picture. i wanted to try and understand why we idolize some and not others.

i enjoy all our personal conversations outside work because they kinda bring me to a new dimension of understanding.

and so, i blog.

we all are so unique that not one person should ever claim to understand someone totally. we could only try.

i've often told the megatron how you'd make a much better journalist than me. you seem to have the drive. so much drive that sometimes i just can't keep up and concede defeat (by just keeping mum...;)

i'm feeling a little tired, and worn out...stagnant even. but i don't know what's causing that state.

i just hope the angsty me will take over soon and assume some of that diligence i'm known for.

don't worry, we're cool. =)

1:34 PM

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