SOMETHING ABOUT YOU

there's something in your eyes
something in your smile
something in the way you move me

makes me want to sing
makes me want to dance
makes me want to cry

i'm falling in love with you.

that's the x-factor for me.

if someone can make me want to sing, dance and cry all at once...and i still manage to keep my cool...

then he's the one.

the song that runs after this is...

FALL TO FLY

i was strong i was proud
keeping both feet on the ground

i feared love like i feared heights
i just didn't realize...

that i could fall to fly.

i'm glad i fell. =)

painful as the aftermath was, i liked how i was able to have someone else on my mind.

i often thought of him as i walked the stores, or had my meal breaks...wondering if he would need some perking up after his long day at work.

i liked hugging him because it conveyed so much more than i could ever say.

i enjoyed watching his chest rise up and down as he slept on the nights i lay awake next to him (i'm a light sleeper and i simply couldn't bear to wake him up).

and when i got too tired, i leaned over to kiss him so he would flinch and i could sneak under his arms.

on the nights i did sleep though, i loved waking up next to him.

most of all, i loved writing about how happy i was, without explicitly stating so. =)

the most peaceful times i've ever had was when i had someone i love lying next to me.

my brother has stayed over a couple of times and us waking up next to each other is the coolest thing in the world.

considering how much my brother and i have both been through in our individual lives, it's odd how we've managed to gel together such that no one can touch us.

he is the only person in this world who loves me unconditionally, and comes to my aid without question.

he stayed with me through that horrible, horrible day.

my baby brother.

i will never be able to get the image of his fragile 12-year-old frame in that bed out of my head.

to remember that i almost lost him is the most painful thing in the world.

and it is because of that one memory that i know nothing else that happens will even come close to hurting me as much.

the few who really know what i've been through would also know how i felt then, dealing with those issues.

and it's also those few who truly know how nothing i've gone through in recent times would come close to how i've lived my life before.

i get breathless sobbing in the corner of my bed...thinking about the people who've filtered in and out of my life, the people who've stayed, the people who've returned to ask for me.

but with every thought, another brick is laid.

i had never believed in romantic love, even as i hoped for it.

i thought i could be proven wrong but no...it just reaffirms that perhaps i am not capable of garnering a love that's unconditional.

i am disillusioned with love.

and i will not trust my gut or emotions without thought again.

i was right.

if you tell me your love for me isn't unconditional, then do not love me at all.

for if i were to love you, i would aspire to love you unconditionally.

without question, without doubt.

*Love is patient, love is kind.
Love is not jealous, it does not brag, and it is not proud.
Love is not rude, is not selfish, and does not become angry easily.*

i'm cheapening the word by mentioning it the thousandth time.

disgusting.

i've fallen.

and now, i shall fly.

watch me.