if there's one thing i learnt in the past few months, it's this:

it is never easy being someone's everything, because deep down, you know it ain't gonna be forever.

of course, the other person wouldn't know how much you cared because you hardly showed anything. you were too busy worrying about your own hurt when the thing comes to an end.

so what happens when it does end?

one goes on with life, being able to do so because she hadn't put much into the whole deal in the first place. the other goes on as well, but he's bruised and jaded, because it seemed to him that she didn't love him at all.

but she did! and for all we know, she still does love him.

so i've learnt. instead of leaving both parties bitter, one has to be more giving...or, at least, try to be so the other would leave...happy. of course, what's there to be happy about if there was ever a "leaving"? but i firmly believe that should anything come to an end, a person can leave it behind...and still be happy, knowing that she still loved him.

hmm...i don't know what got me thinking all these things again.

i'm a third through candace bushnell's trading up, and suddenly, i think of cole.

i don't think of him like i wish we were together...i just think of him. i miss him. he's the one guy (ever) who ran along the same wavelength as me.

i still remember the first time we realized we didn't need to speak in order to have a conversation. we were sitting on one of those benches along orchard road...just talking as the cars whizzed by. he said something and i finished the sentence off for him. it seemed like eternity had passed us by as we stared at each other for the next minute. he finally broke the silence with "how did you know i was gonna say that?" i shrugged and looked away.

the first time we went out, we met after my musical theater workshop on a friday night. we sat outside city hall mrt the whole night, just talking.

i'd say that was my first date.

cole and i are soulmates. we don't talk no more, but we know we're still around for each other. he knows where to find me, and i know where to find him.

to think a dumb chick read would elicit such emotion is rather startling...

i'm rather struck by how this guy called jon seda looks. he acted as selena's husband in the movie selena. he reminds me of the guy i danced with. they ain't no lookers, but when they smile, the whole room seems to light up.

so looking back at my history with guys...(not that i have much of a history with them to begin with), i think i'm into brooders. the ones who don't smile too often...the ones who're private, and quiet. but i know that when he does smile...he smiles.

and i suppose the latin american men who've caught my eye have that quality. so did the guy i labeled the "man of my dreams".

cole was a brooder.

but i'm a brooder...so what gives?

how can someone so similar complement me?