i am utterly shattered.

i'm back to the start of my vicious cycle.

i need to rebuild myself. alone.

this is the one thing, apart from my studies situation, that's hit me that hard.

it's kinda amusing how someone who's decidedly distanced himself from you can make you doubt your own inspirational capabilities.

and you know what hurt most?

it was thinking back on this:

"serene, don't let the little things get you down. think about the ones you've touched...the ones who now treat you like a big sister they never had...they're the ones you should focus on."

if i was that good a sister, i wouldn't have lost a brother. just like that.