"there's a kiss at the end of the rainbow, more precious than a pot of gold"

as i stepped outta the shower, something lisjana said on my last day at camp struck me.

i remember the scene clearly. we were at the morning briefing, a last-minute run through of the cases we'd have that week. i was leaving camp that morning, and it was lisjana's first day as a counselor. lisjana was visibly upset...she'd been crying the whole night in our room, because i was probably her closest friend there.

so bernadette (another counselor) asked, "so serene, does this mean that lisjana's taking your place?"

i was trying to take the question in when lisjana suddenly snapped, "she's not replaceable! what are you talking about?"

at that point, i was totally overwhelmed. i hadn't realized how much lisjana treasured me until then.

so yes...as i got outta the shower earlier, i wondered: can i be replaced?

i kinda wondered that in all ways...like, whether i'm replaceable as an employee, a friend, a rover, an assistant scout leader...and all the other roles i've been in.

when i look at the people who've moved on since i came into their lives, i suppose i am replaceable.

cole once told me that i had set some sort of a benchmark for the kinda girls he would date...because it'd be hard for him to find someone who runs along the same wavelength as he does.

i had thought that was total crap. then i realized how true it is...that sometimes, you may never find another who thinks the same way and can finish your sentences for you.

coleman and i...we were a class act...haha. we'd sit at the benches by orchard road, watch the cars go by, and we'd have the best time ever without even speaking. and when we do speak, we're constantly amazed at how we could complete each other's sentences.

cole and i are soulmates. and though we don't talk anymore, we both know we're there for each other.

i gotta admit...i'm pretty jaded about friendship. i hardly give people a chance to get close. so those who try and try...kudos to them.

but as jaded as i am, i do wonder if the people who want me around really treasure me so.....

experience tells me once a person gets to know me better, and realizes what i'm really about, he distances himself slowly.

it's happen enough times for me to wonder if there's something wrong with me.

so can you blame me for being jaded?

to some people...i'm sure i'm replaceable.

i'm sure my chairman will appreciate me being replaced as the rover secretary.

i'm certain a couple of my assistant scout leaders wish i could be replaced.

i'm convinced if i were to walk out of the classroom full of scouts one day, no one would come after me.

wait...i was.

perhaps one would come after me...or maybe two, or three, or four, or five...

but the truth remains that i am, indeed, replaceable.