so here i am with my sin-filled tummy of creamy pasta. and my head full of ringing.

this would be a make-up of last night's lack of.

last night was dramatic. in fact, this whole thing's playing out like an epic, 'cept that the ending is yet to be...for a long long time to come.

when grover came home last afternoon, he smsed me a simple "i'm home sis".

thereon started several short and seemingly curt messages, with a lotta underlying tenderness.

i slept...the flu was really getting to me.

as i awoke later on in the evening, he smsed me again.

"are you feeling better now?"

another round of short messages. then he said he was gonna get elmo.

i wanted to pass elm the handphone as well. and when she asked if i had wanted to see grover, i said no.

i guess i just couldn't bear to look him in the eye then. i knew if i saw him, i'd break down all over again.

but as much as i knew how elm would respect my feelings, i also knew how she wanted things between him and me to work out. so yes, i knew he was gonna be there.

after we walked her to the mrt station, we trotted back in silence...all the way to his block.

i told him to head home and turned to leave. he put his arm around me and edged me towards my block, opening the umbrella.

as we stood at my lift landing, i had really just wanted to go when he suddenly hugged me. and i didn't hug back.

my mind suddenly flashed back to the day i hugged him and he didn't hug back.

as we stood there with his arms around me, i started sobbing. i just couldn't hold it in any longer.

i told him to go home, and went to sit down. he followed.

then he hugged me again. and still, i didn't hug back.

we barely uttered 10 words to each other in the time we were together.

i had to leave. i stood up. he hugged me again. this time, i did hug back.

he muttered something. and i know he thinks i didn't hear it, but i did.

i stepped into the lift. he stood there till the doors closed.

for the first time in ages, i felt relief...because, believe it or not, last night was the first time i cried in someone's arms like that.

and i never expected my baby brother to be the first one to hold me like that when i cried.

last night, he truly held me up as i was falling.

perhaps this is the ultimate bond.

men getting torn apart and shattered to pieces, them helping to rebuild each other, them helping each other regain the will to live.

what stronger bond can there be?

thanks to that crazy little thing called love, i've finally experienced how it feels like to be needed, and to need someone.

it may not be a romantic love, but like i said, love between two siblings could, quite possibly, be the most unconditional.

and...

my baby you...are the reason i could fly
because of you...i don't have to wonder why
baby you...there's no more just getting by
you're the reason i feel so alive.