there were three things that irked me to death the past week.

1) i've been way too tired and busy to blog.

so many thoughts...ideas...revelations, but because i simply didn't blog them down, dissipated into thin air. what's become of the me who promised to blog every night? sigh...even i can't tell what's causing me such fatigue.

2) i've been inconsistent.
i guess sometimes, you'd need a hard knock to sorta wake you up. just yesterday, i made two mistakes in the course of my work. it was embarrassing and heartwrenching to face up to the carelessness. but yes, yesterday took me out of my comfort zone. i realize i need to be constantly challenged to keep me on my toes.

my workload will be increased in the next few weeks. and as excited as i am about having a hand in everything, i know there'll come a day when i'll be so stressed up by it all and wondering why the hell i never said no in the first place. i guess i'm still able to handle it now, because it's all a matter of getting into a routine...but sigh...i really need to learn how to say no anyways.

3) i've lost my patience with people who obviously aren't doing well, yet refuse to admit it.

yen said something about there being no use in a person admitting to not being "fine". i beg to differ.

when someone genuinely asks if you are fine (and you can tell that it's genuine and not just some greeting), you should probably have the decency to give a genuine answer.

when you appear with swollen eyes, a sad look and a voice choked with emotion, and someone asks if you're okay, what are the chances of him believing you when you say you're "okay...really"?

perhaps you feel that it'd be better not to lay your thoughts on us, thus the casual and usual "i'm fine".

but we'd be idiots to take you at face value and not try to delve deeper when you are obviously not well.

give us some credit.

in any case, grover has decided to take this upon himself...to help you pull through this mess.

but i'm interested to know as well: do you wish to be helped outta the situation at all?

my guess is you don't. you want to preserve whatever memory you have with him...and even if it hurts you to death, the pain reminds you of how good things were.

so my guess is there's nothing we can do.

but if you guys want to give it a shot...be my guest.

i just hope there'd come a day when you'll practise what you preach about being different from the normal girl on the street.

i hope you'll stop wallowing in self pity and take control of your life.

you do realize that you're hurting all of us more if you don't let us help you, and just watch you waste away right?