"You Could Be A Model, You Know"

i was too bummed by the time i got home late friday night aka early saturday morning.

and, as i expected, the lone journey back to singapore presented a few revelations.

as i typed the above sentence, i had wanted to, through reflex, type "the lone journey back home". then i realized that while i am back to the place i left, my heart's still in manhattan. and i figure it'll be there for a much longer period, this time around.

the journey back was shorter than expected. the flight time from LAX to NRT was just over 10 hours, and from NRT to SIN, a mere 7 hours.

frankly, i was disappointed at the short flight time. and it really hit me as we took off from NRT.

as the plane arced upwards, i felt myself yanked to two polarities:

1) YES! TAKE ME BACK! LET THE REAL HOLIDAY BEGIN!

2) NO NO NO! LET'S JUST STAY WHERE WE ARE SO I CAN BE ALONE...

solitude is what i yearn for now.

unfortunately, there're just too many things to be done.

work...scouts...and unfulfilled expectations.

even now...as i'm about to leave home for dragon dance...

i'm tearing. and i don't even have the time to finish crying.

those who saw me yesterday knew that things weren't right with me.

even as mark (who doesn't read my blog) asked how my trip was, he had a tinge of skepticism in his voice.

i'd really rather people NOT ask me about my trip.

just take it like i've disappeared for two weeks. i wasn't on holiday.

just let me get over it on my own.

i experienced a collision of lightness and weight, coming back from NRT.

my chat with the flight attendant in my zone was relaxing and light.

relating our flying experiences to each other was therapeutic. i actually felt like i was on holiday then...even if for a moment.

and the weight?

that came from figuring out how to respond to people who ask me about the trip.

i'm still feeling the weight.

*in case you were wondering, the statement at the beginning of this entry was made by the flight attendant i spoke to.