i felt all weary this morning, even as i stepped into the scout den.

that's never happened to me before.

i guess everyone could tell that i wasn't myself as i described my challenge for the boys. i was feeling really excited about the entire thing but my energy level didn't do justice to me.

in any case, i've got a smashing good race to run, and that should set the stage for a good 5th of June...even if i don't go for the auditions after all.

a fleeting thought: let's just get this audition nonsense out of the way and decide, once and for all, that i shall not go.

but something seems to be going against that thought, and trying to change my mind.

anyways, weirdness happened today.

someone apologized to me for being an MCP, even when i hadn't explicitly pointed that out in our correspondence. it sure was refreshing to hear him facing up to being "an elitist". at that point, i kinda realized that all three of us were kinda alike...but knowing how i'd feel if someone were to tell me how alike "we" were (being some sort of an "elitist" myself)...i chose not to mentioned it. after all, if you feel you're so special anyways, you'd probably feel offended having someone else tell you you two are alike.

i read through my comments on his proposal again, and saw how my age played a very huge part in my comments.

whatever i wrote, i wrote with the boys in mind. i started each sentence with "my boys..." and ended many with "...how they would feel".

i wonder if i only developed that recently, or have only just became conscious of my affinity to these kids.

i think i'm beginning to gain some steel. i'm beginning to wonder "how" before inking everything down. and that's why...i'm beginning to get under the wind's skin.

but my profile will not change. i'm still a star...i think.