i had so wanted to just crash into a deep slumber.

i had wanted to forget about the happenings of the past week, as well as this morning.

but now...i want to remember this night for a long time to come.

tonight, a little boy made me an innocent, yet significant promise.

this boy has been going through shit of late, yet he's been a total rock for me...keeping me from falling and all.

he'd walk with me to yangzheng much earlier than he was supposed to be there.

he'd stay in the scout den with me while i would be rushing through my work feverishly.

he'd offer me that great smile of his...which was especially helpful when i broke down today.

today was an emotional rollercoaster ride. i don't even know how i got through the day...or the morning.

first thing this morning felt like i was transported back to camp new hope in mcgregor, minnesota.

my cookie friend acted up and started punching everything in sight.

frankly, i was scared shitless. but i somehow managed to run after him and stopped him from doing a few stupid things. nevertheless, he still ended up with bleeding knuckles.

then after, things seemed to be fine until, once again, i got angry at a particular person and couldn't even bear to speak to him anymore. i guess everything just came at me and i couldn't handle it. the moment i sat down, i started tearing and soon, mere tears turned to breathless sobs.

let's cut to the chase. after i got home at about 6 plus in the evening, i got an sms from the little boy.

he asked if i was all right, and asked me to keep smiling. to which...i replied i was fine then, and told him not to worry.

he then replied that he really wants to give me a hug. i told him i really needed a hug then (much earlier), but i'm fine now and thanks for the thought anyways.

then he said it was because i cared so much for him that he wants to return that care. and he can't bear to see me sad.

that did it for me. but there's more...

during the course of the past 3 hours or so, he's been pouring his troubles to me, at the same time, trying to keep me from falling.

i knew he was depressed because his msn nick was changed to "i am crashing". he was feeling too stressed up by surrounding circumstances.

i guess we just tried to lift each other up...and i told him i that i don't know how much longer i can stand "caring", because i was afraid i'd crumble from the weight of other people's problems one day.

he said not to worry, for he'll be there. and he'll hold me up when i'm about to fall.

so i ask what if i crumble without warning. and he says i cannot simply crumble because he needs me to hold him when he's falling as well.

so yes...we agreed to remind each other how we'd get through this period of sadness and tough times together.

we agreed to be there to hug each other when the going gets tough.

and his simple promise was evident in his new nick: "although i may be crashing, but i will still be there for you".

i love you little one.

and for you, i will not fall.