SOMEONE LIKE YOU

sometimes i wonder how ashley can carry off her non-bashful "ask me out lah"s.

people would think she's joking but i figure she's testing the waters...dropping hints to garner the guy's interest.

she would love to go out on dates. as would i.

she (among some others) keeps trying to set me up. i really want her to just go out and have fun as well...but she keeps saying no one's asking her out.

that's extremely odd, given that ash is obviously more outgoing than i am. and would definitely be a lot more fun to hang out with on a cool saturday evening. hell, if i were a guy, i'd have asked her out already!

i, on the other hand, would probably do for a quiet evening. if i'm comfortable with you, i wouldn't be trying too hard to make conversation.

now i don't think i've been out on enough dates to say i'm familiar with datehood, but from what others tell me, it's really quite fun.

i often over-analyze things to actually enjoy the date. and when the guy wants to get slightly serious, i do the hundred-meter dash and drape on my invisibility cloak for a while.

the non-committal side of me's one part i can't understand.

perhaps a huge part of that stems from me expecting to be leaving soon...and not staying long enough to have one relationship.

i have shunned and turned down all relationship propositions because i didn't want people to get hurt...after i have to leave, that is. i didn't want us to have to break up, or compromise, or me to have to consider my relationship before my goals.

and now that my going away has, once again, been postponed indefinitely, i feel a certain anger.

although i've come to terms with it mentally, i still have to deal with a whole barrage of conflicting emotions.

i am still angry. perhaps because i've set aside so much for this dream.

i would hate to admit my hopes have been dashed...but...

it's hard to be optimistic when the same thing crashes down on you, time and again.

the brick wall's slowly being reinforced with a certain shock-absorbing gel now.

let's just hope that it's just a harmless gel, and not something that would solidify into a thick mass of jade.

rescue me.

someone.