SILENCIO

esta muriendo.

that is, without a doubt, the most beautiful thing.

silence is.

in absence of him, i want to hear mel torme, dave brubeck, eva cassidy.

i wonder if it takes true self-awareness to be at peace with him.

he is not an external environment. he exists within me.

i remember the recent evening when the noise of the world just died down...leaving just us two to enjoy each other's presence.

i closed my eyes and allowed him to caress my cheek. i breathed in his musky scent. i gave in to him totally.

it was 10 minutes of sheer bliss.

han lim asked if i was at peace. and i said, "oddly, yes."

since christmas eve, he has made fleeting appearances...never staying long enough for me to savor him entirely. just always reminding me that he is right around the corner.

it's a blessing to be so honest with myself. but yes, it gets a little hard at times.

with silencio, i get by a little easier.

people who do not see our strong connection do not realize how important spending time with him is.

i don't blame them really.

modern living has created such noise in our lives that it has become our reality. and when silencio visits, he becomes a disturbance rather than a welcomed presence.

and so, i am deemed "unique" because i embrace him.

i get thrown off when people bust in, while i'm having a quiet conversation with him. but because i am aware of my reality, and theirs, i do not berate them for doing so.

i can only hope that one day, these people will learn to appreciate that my reality is, essentially, as real as theirs.

i hope that when they do realize that, they would allow us to finish our chat before bursting in.

please try not to judge me.

but if you must, at least enter my reality before you do.