SAVE ME...PLEASE.

serene is the strong one.

she cannot cry when others are.

i had this long entry planned out in my head when my dad stepped into the room.

he started talking about our predicament and what could happen when.

so i just had to ask this:

"so is going away out of the question?"

and that sparked off a whole barrage of stuff. a lengthy discussion that ended with him leaving my room and saying "thank you".

the tears started falling the moment the door closed behind him. my tears, rather.

i must've cried for a full 40 minutes because my eyes are now puffy, bordering swollen.

so i'm not over it yet. but i will be.

i still need some time.

i foresee the signing of my new contract will be a very emotional ocassion.

and so will my birthday. because it'll be yet another birthday spent here.

i suppose this is how people lose faith...in faith itself.

the polar express spelt everything out perfectly.

"SEEING IS BELIEVING," said the conductor.

for close to eight years...i've not seen it. so how can i believe it?

i refuse to accept that it isn't my time yet.

i've had enough of this...let's move along...

IT'S JUST A LITTLE CRUSH

not like i'll faint everytime we touch...

question: aren't crushes meant to be fleeting? like...a crush should be over in, say, a couple of weeks mostest?

i'm giving myself a couple more weeks to determine if this is a crush, or not.

if it is, good.

if it's more than a simple crush...well, we'll see about that then.

i've got two camps of advisors here.

the first one tells me to bite the bullet and go for it.

the second's telling me to hang on for a bit.

oh well, i've made my choice to chicken out for a bit.

MY GIRL

You know, I wasn't kidding when I said I like you. But you already know that. You're an attractive and interesting person.

But like you. For me, it will pass in time. I hope.

Your friends like you. Complete strangers like me like you. Why don't you accept the fact that he will like you?

- KEVIN.

kevin: you're the fourth in line who's posed that question.

the first was thomas, the second, melvin, and the third...ashley.

thomas and i didn't get off to a good start. he'd talk to everyone else but me. but we've gotten over that phase and he now teases me to no end, especially when it comes to THE CRUSHEE.

he almost blurted it out to THE CRUSHEE. fortuntely, he was just being extremely cheeky with me and finished off his sentence with a "forget it...later i get hantamed by someone."

now melvin (while THE CRUSHEE was settling down on the stool beside me) asked "how do you know it's not mutual?"

my response? "i just have this strange feeling that it isn't. now can we please stop talking about it?"

whether they were just having fun with me or were actually trying to be nice, i'm glad they were there with me last night.

with that, i'm thankful for all the "big brother" figures i have in my life. and for the little-brothers-who-act-like-big-brothers as well.

check out the brotherhood:



that's me, jason, ray, aunt and kt...



jas and i acting all couply...NOT!

i suppose it's time for this tomboy to grow up.