yen said i seem to have a soft spot for him.

i admitted it. then added that coleman has a soft spot for me too, but that doesn't mean we're getting together.

i remember a line from sex and the city: there are some dates you just can't wait to keep, and some dates you know just will never happen.

sounds strange? let me break it down for you. carrie was trying to avoid this guy she'd be out on a date with the next day because she didn't want him to see her all "frumpy". as she was running away from the park (where he suddenly stopped by), she bumped into THE EX. and so, they talked about catching up over coffee sometime.

so there you have it...the latter is a date you know you just won't keep.

i had a startling revelation last night when a certain someone confided in me. he was having trouble understanding his girlfriend...

as i listened, i drew so many parallels between this brother of mine and him. and i'm sure, at the same time, she must be wishing how my dear brother would confide in her the way he was confiding in me.

i feel for her...really. they seem to be playing out my experiences in the past couple of months.

i never saw jason as someone who'd be so damn similar to him. but last night got me wondering if it's simply a guy thing.

she and i...we write, we fuss, and we mull over things that seem totally inconsequential. most times, we get frustrated because there're way too many unanswered questions floating about in our minds...these questions stemming from our experiences with these two males. and it sure doesn't help that these two males either do not understand our grey matter, or worse still, understand everything but do not see a need to respond to it.

i wrote raymond a long note in a book. it contained so many questions i thought were absolutely blatant, but he just read it, and stuffed it in his bag. was he too overwhelmed to respond? did he not understand me? i could not read him. i don't even know why he picked up those pages after i tore them out and flung them into the bin.

and there are times when he says he's sorry...and you know he doesn't mean it because he's just saying it to appease you. he doesn't realize he's in the wrong.

obviously, us two girls feel guilty for knowing that these two guys stress just to understand us. that's why we keep beating ourselves up over it. we feel guilty as well...seeing how other couples get along fabulously, and seem to have some sort of stability and quiet understanding between them.

this deep connection i used to think ray and i share, it still is there because we are, essentially, quite similar. in fact, we think so alike it's stupid to talk to each other sometimes. and he doesn't realize it, but that's what's impeding our communication - him thinking that i understand him thoroughly. he keeps saying how he doesn't know me, doesn't know how i think or what i want him to do. i tell him that isn't the point. how the hell can he know me better if he doesn't even want to talk to me? i mean...really talk.

these two guys are excellent communicators. unfortunately, when it comes to us, they fumble.

and that's something to think about.

these two males should also realize that we aren't sheep. and we don't conform to a certain mould.

jason...like i've told you time and again, hable con ella.

raymond...again, (and i hate reiterating this) whether you're sick of this whole "what does she want" issue and want me to fuck off or actually want to get to know me better (god forbid...haha), hable con mi.

i think i deserve to keep at least that bit of pride.