i just got off the phone with bubba.

as i listened to his troubles and spoke to him, it suddenly dawned on me how simple and clear things were.

issue number 1: LOVE

he told me how he gets depressed at times because everything bad seems to happen at the same time, and that the only thing/person he can blame for his depression is his ex. i wouldn't say he's jaded about love, but i can't say he's totally open to loving someone else right now.

i cited nat king cole's LOVE as a tune that "unjades" me. he told me that song got him depressed. i said it shouldn't...because it cuts through all the bullshit of pain and heartbreak, putting LOVE - the emotion - out there in the simplest of terms.

L - is for the way you look at me
O- is for the only one i see
V - is very very extraordinary
E - is even more than anyone that you adore and...

Love, is all that i can give to you
Love, is more than just a game for two
Two in love can make it
Take my heart but please don't break it
Love was made for me and you.

now that's the whole song. when you look at the fundamentals of a relationship, love and respect should form the base. anything that comes in after that initial "butterflies in stomach" feeling should not be treated as gospel.

when two get lost in the hustle and bustle of daily living, it's easy to lose track of those fundamentals that brought them both together in the first place.

people rationalize too much...thinking of things way ahead of schedule.

i've been trying to put things into perspective for a lot of people in the past couple of days. though they all have different issues to deal with, i've been singing the same refrain of "go with that gut feel and let your heart do the talking for once", ie don't rationalize too much.

i know i know...for those who've been keeping up with my blogs, you're probably thinking "how can the pot be giving such advice to the kettle?" i say i've gotten myself out of that bind...that story in a while. right now, i believe that while following the heart doesn't always bode well, it's the heart that teaches us the most, not the head.

we experience things...we hurt from these experiences...we learn from this hurt not to dive into such shit again. so isn't the heart the organ that's teaching our brain how to work?

so the question on your mind now is "so when should the head take over?"

the head should take over when the heart fails to give you an inkling. i say "an inkling" because whatever the head decides, should the heart feel otherwise, however slightly, the heart should always prevail.

i've been going with my head way too much.

true...going with my heart was painful, but i got through it, and what doesn't break you makes you stronger.

i asked mark last afternoon (while walking to the mrt station) when we should stop helping the people we've been trying to help forever.

he came up with a whole list of things...but the thing that stuck in my mind was "serene, there are times when the only solution to waking the person up is to let go".

there...he said it. and it was at that moment that i DID let go.

i'd probably have to explain why mark's words mean so much...bear with me for a while. this is a story i'd love to share in person if i had the chance to. it's truly inspiring.

the first time i met mark was at olio dome wheelock. i was to meet him and angus (my other boss) for a short interview session for this one position.

i was honest. i told them i knew nothing about the financial markets and the business world. at the end of that session, they kept saying how they liked my honesty and personality. and if anything were to get me the job, my warmth would be it. they were seeing a pool of other people at that time.

a couple of meetings later, i quit SQ and started training with mark. i wasn't employed by them just yet, but mark said he saw a tremendous amount of potential in me and it would be a waste not to pip me up to my full potential. he said he'd want me to go away from this entire experience learning something...even if the company did not hire me.

the company did hire me. and they actually pushed away people who've had more experience in the field than i have...and were way more competent in terms of knowledge. i was bewildered...so while i was beside myself with excitement, i had to ask why they decided to take me in.

mark said "serene, you are what we've been looking for. you may not have the knowledge, but you're an honest and warm person. our listeners would definitely appreciate that. we could've gotten someone who had all the knowledge in the world, but had no personality. now that would've been disastrous".

so we've been meeting regularly to work on my knowledge, as well as writing and voicing skills. these meetings have taken my respect for mark to a whole new level. he genuinely wants me to do well. he feels responsible towards me. no matter how daunting each training session with him got, he'd end each session trying to encourage me...giving me positive reinforcements many times in the course of each meeting.

most importantly, he believed in me when i couldn't believe in myself anymore.

"serene, i won't let you down, no matter how hard you try to put yourself down."

thank you mark. you've inspired me in more ways than one.

thank you for taking me under your wing. it's gonna be a helluva ride, but i'm all geared up for it...purely because you believe in me.

i'm in a very good place right now.