i'm tired. and sad.

people rally around me. it's at times like these when it doesn't matter how many tell me they're there for me...i'll still feel alone.

frankly, i don't think i'll ever get out of that mode. not even with him around.

people try to make me laugh. li neng say that's because my eyes scream pain. she said i could smile or even laugh out loud, but i'll never be able to hide that sadness deep down. imagine...the girl told me this in our first couple of meetings.

i need to fall to fly.

i kinda see rock bottom somewhere, but haven't quite reached it yet. so what happens when i hit rock bottom?

simple. pick myself up and get on with my life...and try not to allow distractions like the present pull me away.

by the way, it was a welcomed distraction.

it was painful, but i guess it was a good pain. i'm finally getting what i deserve. i'm so fucked up...haha.

i probably dislike you to some extent, but i detest me because i've allowed myself to weaken.

on the flip side, i thank you for all that you've given me.

your arms...your lips...your eyes. i just wish you had told me how you felt more.

most of all, i thank you for this wonderous experience. it's painful...but it'll pass. i know it will.

and i shall grow stronger.

i have to be strong. i have to be strong. i have to be.