i've recently acquired a penchant for faux-caring.

i say "faux" because i'm not sure if i'm genuine.

i think i may be, but i can't be too sure because i could probably be coercing myself to think such to keep me from falling back into the dark walls of obscurity.

i've recently taken so much upon myself that i'm constantly bummed out, as well as angry.

i'm not sure if i'm angry with the people around me, or simply angry with myself for getting so stressed up over the unnecessary.

i've lost that pained feel over new year's, but a new feel of irrepressible urgency has taken over...and i'm not sure if that's a good thing.

oh whatever. i've recently gained two brother- and one sister-figures.

i'm glad to be of some sorta influence in their lives, but am not sure if they should really be associating with someone like me. my cynicism tends to rub off on everyone.

i keep using the word "i"...shit.

can't i indulge in narcissism for a bit?

apparently i can't.

because i'm serene.

and serene is nice, selfless, independent, focussed, intellectual and eloquent.

and fucked up.