STOP!!!

i wish people would stop yelling at me.

okay..."yelling" would be a little too harsh.

i wish people would quit raising their voices at me, especially when i'm obviously not in optimal health.

don't tell me to shout my commands. because if i could, i wouldn't be using a loud-speaker.

don't ask me if i'm REALLY sick. because if i weren't, i wouldn't be sitting down, coughing out green phlegm and trying to catch my breath all at the same time.

don't point your finger at me. well, at least attempt to know the details of the situation before deciding on whether to point that offensive digit in my face.

you know things are really strained when even your own father doubts you're really sick...everytime you do fall ill.

if only he could see how you couldn't even walk to the sink without losing your breath.

if only he knew you had to sit down for five minutes after standing up for one because the room began to spin.

if only he saw how you almost passed out three times in a row at dance class...but still perservered, despite your classmates pleas for you to rest.

IF ONLY HE NOTICED HOW THE GIRL WITH THE USUAL ROSY CHEEKS LOOKED PERPETUALLY PALE (like your classmates did).

anger is pushing me away from him...and his money.

so much so that it's crossed my mind plenty of times to quit thinking about studying overseas, just because i don't want to take his money and owe him that much.

that same anger is pushing me to work hard, make my mark and money, and MOVE OUT.

the scrutiny i can take. if you don't know me, ask and you shall receive.

BUT...please don't doubt me.

the people who claim to love me the most don't see me as the workaholic others outside see me as.

and so, they think i'm just a floater.

for outsiders who think that way, i really don't care.

but it's UNACCEPTABLE for my immediate family to think so.

i am not a loafer.

i don't lie about my illness.

and you know what?

this post wouldn't make a difference because if you've always seen me as a liar and incompetent, chances are...you'll think this post is mere fluff.

now you're thinking that i'm heartless for sharing my problems with the world and not you, aren't you?

consider this:

how can you think that, when you've already formed such perceptions about me, and cast them in stone?

you see my difference but you're afraid to accept it, are you not?

STOP PRETENDING TO CARE FOR ME.

YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT YOU'RE CARING FOR.

YOU DON'T HAVE A CLUE.

(i need dance, music...therapy. i think i need a shrink.)