as i laid down to rest last night, my mind was swarmed with thoughts of the guys...my scouts.

i teared as i came to rest at my decision.

come sunday, i will step down as asl...at least for a while.

it's ironic how i've lost faith in the very thing that brought the sstt together.

well, perhaps i haven't lost it completely...i just need some time away from it to regroup and all.

maybe this time away will be good.

i could sit back and observe, so i can write my musical from a third person's point of view.

i wish i could be invisible for a while...to float around during sundays and see if there's a marked difference without my presence.

as much as i'd like to think there would be, i think jiahao's right. they just wouldn't care.

last sunday, for the first time in many sundays past, i felt empty.

i went to school...excited to don the uniform and tie. but as the morning progressed, i started sinking deeper and deeper.

the final nail was hammered into the coffin when the boys stared at me blankly when i expected them to respond.

after all i've tried to do in the past weeks...to be treated with such disrespect and nonchalance really pissed me off.

i'm not giving up on these guys...i just need a break to recharge, before trying and probably getting my efforts thrown out the window again.

i'm sure tai tong and jason will do fine without me around.

don't worry fellas, i'll still be around to help. i just need a break from that tie for a while.

perhaps i've been the problem. perhaps i'm the one preventing growth in the scout group.

so i'm just hoping that my leaving would make something happen.

of course, it's just a hope...it might not happen.

and oh, i'll be stepping down as rover secretary as well.