TUBBY HUBBY

i had read this column in the newpaper yesterday, and i quote:

"he may irritate me to no end and, to be fair, i do the same to him. but when all the fighting's done and we curl up on the sofa to lick our battle scars, i know there's no one i'd rather bicker with.

and that, to me, makes him my mr right."

the writer thinks there's no such thing as mr right, and that a mr wrong could be a mr right, if you think him to be.

she even quoted an example about one of her friends marrying this guy who made her tie his shoelaces.

all her friends thought it was a match made in hell and that her friend was doing the dumbest thing getting married to him.

but come fourth child later, he had mellowed down enough to take the baby while she has her girly chats with the girls.

in that sense, mr wrong could become mr right. in time.

so what does it take for something like this to work?

THE BULL AND TEDDY

i was arguing with the boss today.

for two whole topics we argued, and both times, cabs and bikes that passed by wrecked it.

we were doing a recording for a new segment to market - THE BULL AND TEDDY.

no brownie points for guessing who the teddy is. =(

so i've been feeling really tired of late, with headaches and colds beseiging my energy level.

every night, i just want to head home and rest...screw the social activity (though some can't be helped cuz they're work-related).

and because of this, union has had to take a backseat.

but after some thinking, union seems like a better option for weekdays than the weekends now.

my bro's gets outta camp over the weekend and i just have a lotta fun hanging with him.

now that the whole CAO thing is outta the way (well, pretty much), i'm re-visiting the joy of living with the family.

my mom jests that she can now use my bags and shoes...

i just can't wait till i move everything in my room at costa rhu back to the nest.

i miss my bed.

it suddenly feels alien to be back there.

TWO SLEEPY PEOPLE (PART 2)

on my advice, he's fixed an appointment with a counselor tomorrow morning.

with this development, the least i can do is support him, even though i cannot physically be with him.

he went ballistic when i said my parents will not let me see him unless he proves he's done something about himself...and that doesn't mean just going to the counselor.

i had told him in the beginning: convince my parents, then convince me.

that still stands.

but in the meantime, i'll just have to stand by him for a bit.

my mom worries that he's just doing this to get me back.

i'm worrying the same thing.

though on the flip side, him doing something about it is the first step.

if nothing's wrong with him, good for him then.

but it'll also mean he and i truly cannot mesh and this will go on for eternity if we were to stick together.

going to the counselor is one thing. actually sticking through it to understand what's going on and working things out is another.

it's just like me. being sensible is one thing. in this case though, faith is kinda getting the better of me.

and i hope he won't betray my faith again.

ON MY OWN

but i don't want to pretend he's beside me.

even though he gave the best hugs and kisses.

the last two nights i spent in my room with him were the sweetest things, with us just enjoying each others presence.

we were watching the telly, occasionally stealing a kiss in between commercial breaks.

but i can no longer feel that comfort in my room.

not because he's no longer there with me, but the memory of how my roomie's boyfriend pushed the door open and scolded him.

the sight of him coming through the door like that still haunts me, and him shouting at us in my room...the memory is just unbearable.

perhaps it's a good thing that i'm moving home soon.

but i may make it slightly earlier because of the recent developments.

i may have given up on this relationship, but i still feel for him.

and that, for one, is a bloody dangerous thing.

i suppose it's cuz my heart's been kept in for such a long time that when it came out to breathe, it just relished the air so much it wants to stay out.

even though the head's taking over, the heart's still struggling to stay out and play.

it's so hard...especially when my safehaven is no longer.

NO MORE

it's so obvious...what's good for me.

but before i did it, i had to get rapped on the knuckles by the roomie, her boyfriend and my parents.

my dad even described it as "walking into a lion's den".

this morning, he tried to make things good again, but saying that he wants to try.

but monday night i told him i'd give it one more shot before i call it quits.

and i did give it one more shot and i tried to make it good.

so now, he says i'm extremely impatient with him and that i have an attitude problem that needs addressing.

personally though, with him, i feel like i've reached new limits of patience.

i could probably still go on, but i'm so mentally and emotionally drained that i just don't want to push it further.

while i may have an attitude when it comes to him, i cannot allow him to push all the blame on me and make it seem right that his outrage is always my doing.

he has never failed to say that i am the cause for all his outbursts, and while they are no excuse, i am indeed the cause of them.

i mean...DUH.

of course you're angry at me. who else are you angry with such that you have to take it out on me?

he expects me to take it.

and when i say i can't, he says i'm impatient.

dear reader, how long have i put up with this to be labeled "impatient"?

it's amazing how some people can't even admit that they have the problem.

even when 9 outta 10 people tell them they do.

TWO SLEEPY PEOPLE

it's been awhile, hasn't it?

i just came back from my cousin's wedding dinner, after an awful morning in church.

thank goodness my cousin knew nothing about the commotion that everyone else seemed to be aware of because of all the shouting.

it's quite funny actually, how he flares up just before the two weddings i got him invited to.

even while talking to my mom...he accused my mom of taking my side and shouted at her...later telling me that my "whole family misintepreted" him and that "everyone else outside my family would see his view".

i wonder who these people are. seriously.

because in my little view of my little world, i can't seem to see how EVERYONE ELSE can see his view.

and if everyone else can, then i'm sure he can find someone who loves him for who he is.

i keep telling him that if he feels like he is putting up with me, then we really shouldn't be together.

and i've often wondered why i can't leave him.

and keep crying. crying. crying.

then this song i heard during the wedding just put a lightbulb into my head - Two Sleepy People.

this one line, in particular, struck me...

"Too much in love to break away."

maybe love is the potion or poison that's keeping me in.

i'm so ready to leave...but somehow, i can't JUST DO IT.

i don't understand.

am i really that much in love?

am i in love with love, or in love with him?

SCHMOOZEVILLE

yesterday was a major schmoozefest for me.

i held a press conference with the MCYS for SHINE, ministers dr vivian balakrishnan and dr maliki osman attended.

i gave opening remarks, but had the co-chair respond to questions.

then we schmoozed our way into the twelve o'clock hour.

so it was back to the office for some rush work and interview-chasing before heading off to yet another event - UTAC's movie day.

yes, desiree and i went to catch The Da Vinci Code, courtesy of UTAC.

(the new cathay's biggest cinema is really gorgeous...=))

bumped into vernon, ex-colleague from newsradio, and his wife and they looked rather...odd.

first of all, they don't look like a couple because they don't even look like they like each other much.

she looked like she was gonna chomp him down and he seemed afraid of introducing her.

and when he finally did introduce her, she just nodded.

EEKS!

i really do have a lot to write about but it's time to run, and blog about SCRAPS. =)

no, i mean it. scraps.youth.sg.

come join me.

SingTel FY06 Earnings

i spoke to a member of the lee family today.

uhhuh...SingTel's Group CEO, Lee Hsien Yang.

i did not speak to him in the boardroom, or in the interview.

i spoke with him on the way down in a lift.

it's amazing to see how many reporters scutter to get his attention during the media briefing, but clam shut and stare at the elevator counter all the way down to the ground level while standing right next to him.

this ST Money guy (whom i first met years ago at a forum...i didn't quite like him then already) stood right next to lee, folded his arms and looked everywhere but at him.

i was standing to the other side of lee.

after a while of observing lee fidgeting with his phone and acknowledging singtel staff (who all avoided looking at him as well) who trickled into the lift on our way down, i asked...

"Mr Lee, you look tired. Had a hectic morning?"

and so started our small talk for a couple of minutes down the lift, and on our way to his interview sessions with Bloomberg and CNBC.

i realize some people might be afraid of talking to him, or such people in general.

it's true they seem absolutely unapproachable.

but surely there's no harm in trying?

what's the worst that could happen?

that he answers "yes" or "no".

of course, that'd be your cue to stop talking.

but don't let your presumptions stop you from making the first move.

be bold and take that first step, and maybe you'll get something more than a closed answer.

"Yes, I've got media interviews and analysts interviews back to back all day."

i'm glad i said hi first.

=).

you all know how big SHINE is for me.

yesterday though, i fucked up.

and you know why?

because i called for a meeting at my place, then shifted the meeting to suntec (even though some were already waiting at my lift landing and brought food) because my boyfriend kicked up a big fuss about it.

even after i suggested we talk about church, he ordered me to step out of my meeting at suntec to talk to him "for a while".

the "a while" ended up to be two-thirds of my meeting time.

by that time, i've already established to the rest of the committee (ALL YOUNG KIDS FROM JC and UNI) that i'm an incompetent girl.

yes, i am the only girl in the committee.

thought i could make a huge entrance because of my capabilities and gender.

guess what.

i got a call this morning from one of the co-chairs of the SHINE panel.

he was the one who asked me to co-chair the committee for this project.

this phone call wasn't so pleasant though.

he rapped me on the knuckles for pulling a stunt like yesterday.

he just fell short of asking me to leave the committee.

i blew it.

i fucking blew it.

i'm the unprofessional co-chair of the committee who called for a meeting at my place, requested for them to come down to suntec instead, and not even turn up for my own meeting.

because i was out under the sun having an argument with my boyfriend who refused to let me go.

ALL MY FUCKING FAULT.

you do realized that i just fucked up my chances right?

add to that the cab fare i had to reimburse those who came down from my place and the food i paid for.

i fucked up.

some people just don't understand a small screw up like this could potentially hurt the rest of my future.

THE LADIES WHO LUNCH

there're some people who don't know the meaning of the title phrase.

it really just means upper class ladies or socialites who spend time meeting each other for lunch or high tea or whatever they do in upper class-UK.

so there you go...serene's english tip for the day.=P

anyways, i am usually quite put off by girls who seem to head a clique with them putting down their "not-as-pretty" friends in the same group.

just imagine paris hilton (not sure if she disses everyone else around her, but...) without the money.

people like that are probably the most insecure of the lot.

they seem to only be able to feel good about themselves if they can harp on their superficial goodness and put others down.

i'm amused.

there's this one girl in my salsa class.

she joined the class with a group of her girl friends.

they allow her to make fun of them...and she sure doesn't do it in an obviously joking manner.

yes, she looks like she'll make a stellar tai-tai.

and i'm amused because she seems to be kissing my ass.

i remember my days as a student...

we all wanted to be in the teachers' good books.

we wanted to be the ones asked to help her carry her books, clean the black board and just be asked to do something.

ten years down the road, i'm a teacher.

but i don't teach kids.

i didn't quite figure grown-ups would wanna kiss ass like that as well.

i'm amused.

ONE HEADLIGHT

actually i just wanted to highlight the name of the group that did the title song - the wallflowers.

jakob dylan (yes, son of bob dylan) heads it.

panda and i discussed leaders...how many different kinds there are, and how different it is for one to be appointed a leader and for him to display leadership qualities.

the gist of the whole conversation is:

you learn humility from growing into a leader, and not quite from being a leader at first instance.

you can display leadership qualities but not be a leader.

and, from personal experience, it's not a bad thing to have been a wallflower.

because you learn to have everyone in your sight, and not leave her standing by the corner, waiting for someone to just talk to her.

how can i explain leadership prowess without sounding pompous, you think?

for the record, i've never been up-the-ass tight and overly-complacent.

i'd prefer to see myself as being self-aware, and knowing what i'm capable of.

so there.

bottom feeders can go find someone else's ass to kiss.

CHILD'S PLAY

last night was my cousin's newborn's one-month celebration.

so that was an excuse for the lot of us to gather at my aunt's place for some good food and butt-slapping humor. =P

here're some for the album...


with baby solin.

she's four ang paos long, if you can count. =P

mom said I was as tiny as her.

i was a mere four pounds when I creeped outta her belly!


benjamin-min and aunty serene.

this tyke made me aunty for the first time. =)

he didn't use to smile when he was younger...but he knows how to play to the camera and crowds now.


brothers benjamin and timothy

and it was benjamin who gave timothy his english name.

tim looks exactly like benjamin when he was younger.


siblings, as usual.

what more can i say about my brother? =)

HE HAD ME, HE JUST DIDN'T KNOW IT.

Show me how you do that trick
The one that makes me scream, she said
The one that makes me laugh, she said
And threw her arms around my neck

Show me how you do it
And I promise you I promise that
I’ll run away with you
I’ll run away with you

Spinning on that dizzy edge
I kissed her face and kissed her head
And dreamed of all the different ways I had
To make her glow

Why are you so far away? she said
Why won’t you ever know that I’m in love with you
That I’m in love with you

- just like heaven, katie melua.

do i love him?

do i?

no less than ten close friends have told me something to this extent thus far...

"when you're happy, you're really happy. when you're sad, you're really sad. i don't know how, but you seem to make the world feel happy and sad together with you.

"serene, people want you to be happy because they know you're a nice person, and that you DESERVE to be happy."

i can't see why people would think i deserve to be happy.

everyone deserves to be.

on the flip side, desiree pointed out one other person who has that "ability" to make people feel with him: ADOLF HITLER.

he's such a naughty example but i get what she means.

i hope i never have to go down his route.

if i truly have the power to subconsciously make people feel with me, then i want them to feel happy with me.

in that aspect, i know what i should do.

because although i'm not made to feel responsible to these people, they are the ones waiting by the wings of the court, cheering me on.

and in my opinion, for that, all of them DESERVE to be happy.

GOING TO THE CHAPEL

ah yes, time for the photographs to be exhibited. =)

big bird's wedding saturday night was all right, even though the event organizers were kan cheong as hell...

the justice of peace was a bloody grumpy old man.

what an oxymoron for a guy like him. =P

anyways, the real highlight of the night was the SSTT reunion, save for bert (who's out at sea) and grover (who's inactive).

so here's us...


elmie, oscar, ernie and cookie.

big bert and big momma were teetering around entertaining guests.

we finally managed to grab them for a group pic...


cookie, elmie, kelly (mrs big bird), kian tiong (big bird), oscar, big momma, ernie.

here's our scout group...


YCSOG.

my family...


me, bro, dad, mom.

us sisters (trying to figure out whose hair is longer)...


oscar and elmie.

and from friday, our graduating B1 class...



man i love my life.

well, most of it. =)

BACK IN TIME

and with an envelope on my desk marked "Serene", mark started off my work week with a smile.

i remember the eulogy i wrote for writcomm and how i had written one here sometime back.

i wonder who i'd get to read mine, and if there would be a session at all.

perhaps there wouldn't be a send-off.

or maybe, i'll read my own.

THE BIRTHDAY SONG

so light a candle on your cake
for every smile you've helped create
for every heart and every soul
you've helped to grow a little more.

25 years.

sure, i've got some to show for it.

but i'd just wish someone would tell me "HUO(2) GAI(1)".

because for everything i've done, i've brought upon myself.

the past week has been especially frustrating.

i went on leave to get some rest, do some work.

at the end of it, i've done no work and gotten no rest.

i had to run errands during the day and stay home at odd hours for service people to come repair the lights, the cable system and the wardrobe.

if only they could all come in one day. but no...my whole week was at their beck and call.

and because of such odd hours, i have not been able to settle myself properly and do work.

i've been slacking on my week off. and there's nothing to feel good about.

sweet gestures are never wasted, but they can be taken for granted.

my boss has been so tolerant of me that i can't imagine putting myself in his shoes.

i'd have fired me two weeks back. seriously.

i slacked. i had taken my working hours for granted. i was so late i wouldn't have tolerated myself.

ME. ME. ME.

i am the cause of everything.

and i know fully well that i am.

because i am fully responsible for my own actions.

so if this happens again, i will quit my job.

i simply can't bear to involve my boss in my emotional whims.

i'm the idiot, the selfish girl, the one who blames the whole wide world for her downfalls.

and i suppose i need to thank the boyfriend for slapping me awake.

lin shiyin.

HUO GAI.

NI HUO GAI.

dearly beloved...

aiyah don't know what to write lah.

just want the bed to eat me up.

IT'S ALL ABOUT THE MONEY

meja sings how it's all about the money and that she "don't think it's funny."

sure, money matters aren't trivial.

though personal experiences and friends' gripes have shown me how consumed people can become with material things.

it's also because of those personal experiences that've taught me to treasure health and wellbeing more than money.

the topic of dinero came about during lunch with a new girl friend today...who agreed that she would be teaching out of passion.

i'm just glad her objectives are in line with mine.

when i was younger and working six bucks an hour in a restaurant, i was just glad to be able to make some money and spend an awful lot of time doing it, and not spending the money.

that mentality has carried itself forward...and that will not change.

i remember not going to movies with my friends because i wanted to save the money.

it may've just been seven bucks, but a few of those seven dollars could go a long way in my savings account.

after a while, i just didn't get the impetus to watch movies.

it's all about conditioning, i suppose.

when i was into saving money then, i didn't even spend on food.

come lunch time during poly, i'd take out my pack of six (yes six, no more, no less) digestive biscuits and downed them slowly.

that was my lunch. and i only had them when i had the time to eat.

i think now it's time to activate my saving prowess again.

been spending way too much of late.

IF YOU WANT IT

come and get it.

i never believed things just fall onto your lap.

i still don't believe it.

recent events have shown that i reap what i sow.

even though i haven't said or done much for the most recent development, fact is...i was asked.

i'd like to think it's because of what i've sowed in the past that's brought me the current situation.

i have a lot to be thankful for:

1) my scout group, which as stood behind me all this while...even when i had to take a break without reason (to them).

2) salsa and teaching.

among other things.

of course, there's a group of people who have a blind belief in me now, because of my track record.

that group includes my parents, my boss, my ex-bosses, and some people who i don't quite know but seem to see something in me they like.

you who knows me knows that i want to up my profile.

it's no secret.

but i will not rest on my laurels and go below the belt.

watch me do it my way.

it's a good thing i don't have any major committments now.

*a "you're doing good" or a pat on the back will be nice from time to time. =) but i apologize in advance for not being able to be around that much.*