ON MY OWN

but i don't want to pretend he's beside me.

even though he gave the best hugs and kisses.

the last two nights i spent in my room with him were the sweetest things, with us just enjoying each others presence.

we were watching the telly, occasionally stealing a kiss in between commercial breaks.

but i can no longer feel that comfort in my room.

not because he's no longer there with me, but the memory of how my roomie's boyfriend pushed the door open and scolded him.

the sight of him coming through the door like that still haunts me, and him shouting at us in my room...the memory is just unbearable.

perhaps it's a good thing that i'm moving home soon.

but i may make it slightly earlier because of the recent developments.

i may have given up on this relationship, but i still feel for him.

and that, for one, is a bloody dangerous thing.

i suppose it's cuz my heart's been kept in for such a long time that when it came out to breathe, it just relished the air so much it wants to stay out.

even though the head's taking over, the heart's still struggling to stay out and play.

it's so hard...especially when my safehaven is no longer.