NO MATTER WHAT

most of my reflective pieces derive from two to three days worth of pondering.

though this simple question from last night triggered a look-back:

"have you ever dined out alone?"

i answered in the affirmative, but i couldn't quite remember when it was that i had.

in the last ten minutes, one scene of my dining alone came into mind, clear as crystal.

i can't remember when it was, but i remember the instance as if it were just yesterday.

i joined the queue of couples and families at the heeren's sakae sushi outlet.

it's ridiculous to mute yourself and stay in the queue, knowing that there's definitely going to be that ONE seat for you...but i was feeling cheeky and wanted to observe the crowd's reaction to that fateful question:

"how many are there in your party?"

it'd be unfair of me to call the host presumptious, since she probably relies on that certain foresight to seat people.

but i'm extremely tempted to. =) and i'd call the crowd that as well.

she was about to pass me after jotting down a number "2" on her notepad when i cleared my throat and corrected her...

"no, just one."

the chatter around seemed to have come to a screeching halt and stares were thrown in my direction.

the looks traveled from the queue, into the restaurant, and all the way to my seat.

it was rather amusing, really.

then i remember an episode of sex and the city, where, at the beginning of the show, carrie felt extremely self-conscious and downright horrible sitting at a cafe and dining alone. of course, the episode ended with her walking into a restaurant all confident, and asking for a table. for one.

something so simple as dining alone needs one to be so comfortable in her own skin...just to attempt to carry that off.

do i feel like i've accomplished something by being able to eat alone? no.

i suppose it's because doing things alone has become second nature to me.

for the longest time, i thought it was a woman thing...to be afraid of being seen walking alone down the street, dining alone, watching a movie alone.

so you can imagine how this hit me...one day...that MEN ARE AFRAID TOO.

it's not a woman thing, nor is it a man thing. it's a HUMAN THING.

last night, i was forced to admit i enjoy going against social norms.

it isn't about me enjoying the attention thereafter.

take my hair, for example.

if i had enjoyed the attention that much, i would've kept my long hair.

sure...i had the impetus to chop off my locks, but what fueled that, was the way most people were telling me not to.

*note that i said "the way most people were telling me not to", instead of just "most people telling me not to".

out of the copious smses i received about my hair, only two really stood out.

the first one came from Jac:

"our hair is at our own disposal. just do what makes you feel good. =)"

the other came from Yen:

"you look great in any hairstyle! go for it!"

then vernon smsed a few days after IT...

"aiyah...you're still the sweet lass i knew from three years ago. who cares about the hair?!"

in other news...

something's just gotten me extremely irritated.

but that's just me with the oh-so-high standards talking.