FALLEN

"why wasn't i in your wedding photographs?"

- a little girl asked of her father.

my heart had quite a laugh at that but the face only showed a smidgeon of emotion.

the question popped out of a television commercial i chanced upon, right after the matriach asked me a question of her own...

"are you done being mad?"

my insides just sunk to their lowest when she asked it. and even lower still when she said the patriach was VERY upset that i don't seem to want to communicate.

i so wanted to retort with a...

"and are you done making this all about you?"

but of course, she, being the matriach, would start rolling her eyes and wondering what i was talking about. a bout of crying would probably ensue.

after the last couple of weeks of trying to get a life outside all the noise, i'm feeling a little better.

and it really isn't because i ain't talking to the parental unit.

it's mainly because i'm getting more things done and feeling extremely productive.

if i were, indeed, feeling a lot better about not talking to the up-and-aboves, i'd be outta here by now.

so the patriach is getting stumped.

and, by telling me so, i assume the matriach wants me to do something about it.

this brings me back to the days of...

"but asking for love is not selfish."

fucking bullshit.

after various attempts at exposing my reality to the unit, i've learnt that the two cells will never ever learn to simply accept the being of me.

and i accept that.

i remember saying this to a friend...

"sometimes, you just need to accept it. you don't need to understand it."

when two people run on different planes...the parallity will ensure that the two never meet.

but planes exist alongside each other.

they aren't mutually exclusive.

do you understand any of this, at all?