AND SO THE STORY GOES...

and so another week passes without the nightly phone calls or visits.

it hasn't been as hard as i thought it would be, but it hasn't been that easy either.

i think it's been just under a month since i've stopped seeing him, but just under a week of totally cutting off all contact with him.

he left me a CARS dvd by my door step yesterday, with a note that said it was meant to be a surprise so he might as well just give it to me.

and that he is leaving me for good since i'm doing nothing to resolve our differences.

i don't know which was it...the note or the movie...that made me tear a little.

nowadays, i don't tear that much. i just feel some pain.

of course, now that i'm writing about it, i tear.

CARS was a movie we had both enjoyed enough to watch twice.

anyways, yes...yet another week.

and with each week that passes without him, i feel more blessed to be back home.

because even if there's no one at home, i can go to my parents' or brother's rooms, and still feel they're there.

and cry in bed, pretending that they're beside me.

this is just another hiccup to keep me going.

and everytime i encounter one, i gain so much more to push me along life.

while in the past i cried about why i was being tormented so in my months with my dear boyfriend, i now cry about how i failed my relationship.

i'm now crying, finally in mourning.

i had loved him...i do still love him.

but why am i not with him?

because i love him enough to not want him to get into trouble because of me.

of course, he would never know that.

i'd rather just let him think i didn't do enough as a girlfriend.

but, for the record, i loved him.

and i shall remember the little things that made it all worthwhile, even if it was short-lived.

like the time he raced from suntec to my place with an ice cream cone of wild strawberry in his bike box.

on a separate note, i'm thankful my brother is alive and with me today.

i would never have gotten through any of those rough patches (in school, work and relationship) without his presence.

and i'm glad to be home.