I WRITE THE SONGS

over a lazy afternoon of taiwan's super sunday, i was reminded of this one guy who wrote me a song.

it's called "if i could just talk to you".

if i ever find that slip of paper, i'd post the lyrics right here =)

unfortunately, voltaire's (the person, not the philosopher) words are tucked somewhere in the mess of my pigsty of a room in the north.

voltaire is a filipino co-worker from my days at planet hollywood.

he kept to himself most of the time, till i started talking to him this one day.

from then on, he opened up to me, and on one evening, gave me a long letter with the lyrics and chords to that song.

i gave him back the song, but not before i jotted down those words.

he wrote of how he wished he could just gather up the courage to talk to me, and just leave his pride behind for a while.

oh well, the title says it all.

his sincerity was much appreciated, though not in a way he'd hope it'd be.

i think i was 17 then, and he, 30 or so.

even during my days at planet hollywood, i felt like a wallflower.

i could never click with the others like my then-buddy could.

then, when us quiet people kept silent, the rest would keep chattering and forget about those who were actually listening.

now, when i get a little too quiet during meetings, the bosses would get worried and do an "uh-oh...is there something wrong", giving me no chance to feel left out at all.

haha.

of course, i became more aware of myself as i grew older, so i wouldn't feel like a blend-in even if no one bothered to find out if i existed.

i've grown to the stage where people can easily relate to me, though i can't say it's a mutual thing.

and because they can relate to me, i've become some sorta bridge between people.

sometimes i wonder if wayne had such an impact on me that i've followed in his footsteps.

*wayne came along at one of the lowest points in my life, knocked some sense into me, and left. for good.

for several occasions in the past, i have brought people together, bonded them and then left them.

because my job would have been done.

not that it was literally "a job", but well...you know.

today, someone pointed out a significance of my role within a group.

i pondered over it for the rest of the afternoon, wondering if i'd do a "wayne" on them.

then i realized that probably wouldn't be the case because i'm so deeply integrated in this interest and group.

my personal relationships with the various characters in this team have given me such pleasure (stop that dirty thought this instant!) i'm hard-pressed to find an occasion when i should leave.

then again, unforeseen circumstances could pop up, and i might just HAVE TO leave.

but i believe when that time comes, someone would step up and assume that position of significance in a natural order.

no fuss.

no worries.

it'll just happen.