STAY
i had written a long blog in an attempt to figure out how i'm feeling now.
unfortunately it got accidentally deleted on its way.
without having to state the details of what's happened again, bottomline is i gave this relationship my all...including going to a counselor to try to sort this out or help us.
he expects me to keep trusting that he will not abuse me again.
BUT HOW CAN YOU TRUST SOMEONE SO COMPLETELY ON THAT WHEN EVERYTIME HE PROMISES IT, HE DOES IT AGAIN, AND AGAIN, AND AGAIN AND BLAMES YOU FOR IT?
even in break-up, he has not stopped hurling insults at me over e-mail, msn or sms, even when i try to be nice to him.
because i do love him still...though it doesn't mean i want to be with him.
for my sake, i need to leave him.
for him to push down my throat in every one of his messages that i cannot be loving him because i don't want to try again...
i can't stand it.
so in the end, in his words, i'm the "first girlfriend who treats me like dirt" and "you will never change you ways".
the latter to which i say "yes i will not change to become you or the person you want me to be"...said intentionally purely because it should be a reason for him to leave me easier.
not the case.
he continues to hurl insults at me.
it's hard for me to keep receiving these messages, even when i know ALL his accusations don't ring true.
going to counselor was my last-ditch effort.
he had been to a few sessions and yet still did what the counselors call "abuse".
two last times before i broke up with him.
i hope no one else has to go through what i did.
About Me
- shiyin
- A lotta people perceive me as "unapproachable". How I ever got that tag, I haven't got a clue. Perhaps it's how they usually see me poring over my sheet music, scribbling incessantly in my book, or simply hearing how I'd make a good journalist that keeps them away. Whichever the case, perceptions don't mean shit to me. I try not to judge people, and I hope they don't judge me just because I'm proud of the person I am today.
3 comments:
Its really time to give up this time. really really really.... life is too short to go thru all these things and be unhappy.
I can tell that you love him alot, gave him opportunities and wanted to be with him. If not, you won't have to bother to go to a counselor.
In my dictionary, going to a counselor only applicable to married couples, and not require for couples who had not settled down with a family.
Well, for your case, I can see the difference why you go for conselor ... because you can't let go ... because you love him.
Nonetheless, this is the 21st century. You should be go by your feeling and find your future. Don't let love burden you when you are still feeling hurt or sad.
Let go and face the next stage of life.
It's unlike marriage whereby husband/wife will find all means to salvage a broken relationship. Why? it is because of the piece of paper ... Marriage Cert ... and responsibilities.
You have not signed the paper yet, hence don't waste your time and youth. Do what you suppose to do. You have a bright future when comes to your career.
You are a strong girl, and I believe my sentiment is right. You can get over it in due time.
yes i know who you are. =)
perhaps i should explain...it wasn't a couples' counselor i went to.
it was a counseling center for people in violent relationships, not just for couples...but obviously it's more appropriate for couples cuz they help the aggressor be more aware of his actions and the 'victim' recognize the signs.
i had gone to the counselor to see how i could help him, or us...or if i could have done anything better to curb those situations.
unfortunately for him (but fortunately for me), the counselor told me all my actions and reactions to his various signs were right on track...and there was nothing more i could do.
i had even done what i could to avoid major confrontations, but even when i explained to him that the counselor advised that i do this to simmer things down a little, he couldn't see it.
instead, he chose to hurl insults at me.
i shall not delve into the kinda things he has said about me because they can be as nasty as you can imagine them to be.
counseling has been helpful because it has affirmed a lot of my beliefs, and confirmed that during my time with him, i did try my best and have always been in the right frame of mind during those situations.
i've been told i can handle the conflict, the emotional and the mental abuse.
the only thing i was at a disadvantage at is my physical self.
so counseling empowered me to trust my guts and instincts again.
and that i've done all i can to salvage this relationship.
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