HIS EYE IS ON THE SPARROW

i don't know how many times i've named my entry with the title of the gospel.

i've always had a great respect for gospel music.

and the inspiration for my turning to the gospels? sister act 2.

it introduced me to the wonderful world of harlem church music.

as with the movie, i thought that to bring the young people off into the church and off the streets, the church has to give them what they want.

several ministries in singapore are trying to do just that - popularizing christian music and preaching like toastmasters.

a few weeks back when i was trying to salvage my relationship by going to church with the ex, i went, not knowing what to expect.

i had only heard good things about that particular ministry...and the way teachings were preached.

hmm.

actually, everyone who's been to that church tells me the preacher's really good because "he doesn't preach like a minister, but like a normal speaker".

i shall withhold my opinions till after i've described my experience.

so we headed into the auditorium and got pretty good seats (because he had gone earlier to queue for them).

now i had anticipated the singing, because this church was known for its musical prowess and good singers.

anyways, by the end of the service, i found myself speechless and on the verge of breaking down.

it all started from the singing.

i was puzzled as to why i didn't just take in the singing.

the song and lyrics still ring in my head till today, but i just can't seem to absorb it.

i can sing it but i can't feel it.

the preaching...it was a good effort to break things down for the common people.

however, i felt a certain ambiguity in the conviction of the preaching.

so...while this may seem an abrupt end to my latest church-going experience...

i've deduced i WANT to hear actual preaching. i WANT to hear about God. and i WANT to sing his music.

BUT...

it doesn't mean i want to be christian.

i can connect with gospel music because they rejoice and celebrate.

there are many times when i cry and sing gospels...and i feel better.

what i'm saying is, if i ever turned to christianity as my religion, i want to experience it the way new yorkers in harlem get it.

with plenty of soul.

i sing because i'm happy
and i sing, because i'm free.