THE BIRTHDAY SONG

so light a candle on your cake
for every smile you've helped create
for every heart and every soul
you've helped to grow a little more.

25 years.

sure, i've got some to show for it.

but i'd just wish someone would tell me "HUO(2) GAI(1)".

because for everything i've done, i've brought upon myself.

the past week has been especially frustrating.

i went on leave to get some rest, do some work.

at the end of it, i've done no work and gotten no rest.

i had to run errands during the day and stay home at odd hours for service people to come repair the lights, the cable system and the wardrobe.

if only they could all come in one day. but no...my whole week was at their beck and call.

and because of such odd hours, i have not been able to settle myself properly and do work.

i've been slacking on my week off. and there's nothing to feel good about.

sweet gestures are never wasted, but they can be taken for granted.

my boss has been so tolerant of me that i can't imagine putting myself in his shoes.

i'd have fired me two weeks back. seriously.

i slacked. i had taken my working hours for granted. i was so late i wouldn't have tolerated myself.

ME. ME. ME.

i am the cause of everything.

and i know fully well that i am.

because i am fully responsible for my own actions.

so if this happens again, i will quit my job.

i simply can't bear to involve my boss in my emotional whims.

i'm the idiot, the selfish girl, the one who blames the whole wide world for her downfalls.

and i suppose i need to thank the boyfriend for slapping me awake.

lin shiyin.

HUO GAI.

NI HUO GAI.