LITTLE SUPERHERO GIRL (reprise)

i've got work piled up to my head
all i wanna do is jump into bed
and wash away my troubles with lemonade.

like, seriously.

just give me a lemonade and my queen-sized bed, splashed with my coolness sheets.

with the craziness that's work, school, scouts and SHINE on my back, i'm so glad i don't need to deal with anyone else's whims for now.

on that front, i always thought that friends or loved ones would be there as support when it comes to such times, not to add more pressure.

and for that, i thank my family for their patience.

despite me living away from my family, they are still tops when it comes to priority.

if i didn't have classes, or training or meetings, i'd make my way back down to that HDB flat we struggled to get for an evening with the grandaunt, brother and parents.

unfortunately, once i started going out with someone, that priority changed...when it really shouldn't have.

considering what my family has done/is doing for me, they should always be tops.

and as much as i would love my boyfriend...he needs to understand that my family and i have gone through the pits together, so i'm bound to them in that way.

so that, added on to the other crazy-but-cool shit that's going on in my life now, he needs to be fairly confident of himself.

i had tried compromising.

but it wasn't enough.

so i just kept trying...and i started to lose my sense of self.

if someone could just tell me that i was the worst girlfriend ever.

it would be like blood-letting.

then i would know i wasn't girlfriend material (which wouldn't make me wife-material either...hmm.)

so i've come to a conclusion.

i will not compromise my values, my thoughts, my self.

i was an idiot to think compromise could change things.

nothing can change the fact that i was made to feel like a bottom feeder. a parasite. a hypocrite. whatchamacallit.

I WAS MADE TO FEEL LIKE SHIT.

when the F-word was a staple in my vocabulary, it no longer is.

there's only been one person who's used that and directed it at me.

FUCK YOU. FUCK YOU. FUCK YOU. FUCK YOU. FUCK YOU.

serene. FUCK YOU.

*my blood needs to be let.*

just let this part of me die.