once again, it's me who needs this relationship to be defined.

what used to happen...i lead people to define our relationship, then leave them cold and dry after they do. how sick can a person get?

don't know if i've evolved somewhat...with this one, i simply can't leave him fending for himself out in this wretched weather. with all that he's been through (whether situational or self-inflicted), i'm not sure if i can let go of this one as easily. obviously, if he were to read this, that male ego of his would be screaming shit at me.

i caught a glimpse of the elusive teddy bear last night. i hugged it and it hugged back. i tried so hard to keep myself from kissing it, but that obviously didn't work. it's eyes got to me...they caved into an instance of vulnerability and fragility. yes, it was just a glimpse, but the bear did cry for help.

i've cried out for help many times...and no one came forward. i've grown jaded, distrusting and believing that i could count on no one but myself for anything at all.

i believe that teddy's living the same belief.

i can empathize. but it doesn't think i can. i fear as much as it fears. but it doesn't think i do.

i've laid down my pride. many times i've gotten so embarrassed i've shrunk back into my shell. i should know better than to lay it all out, but alas, i have.

i care for this being...and everything it stands for. i know it cares for me too.

i have no answers. it refuses to give me any. i don't know how much more of this i can take.

i don't know when, and if, it will lay down its pride for me.

if it doesn't care, it has to tell me now...for i will need time to heal, and forget how much i care.

hable con mi, por favor. por favor.