am totally chewing on my almonds i brought back from dubai. mom and dad depleted all the cashew nuts, so i'm left with this and the pistachios.

it's been helluva day...so much so that to say "i'm tired" would be an understatement. i'm totally drained.

guess what?! i was on check (known as appraised to most pple) today. was kinda stressed out cuz it's my very first, and it was a short flight so everything was just rush, rush and rush. fortunately, it didn't turn out too bad. i was flying with a great leading and very helpful team.

the fundraising idea has been bugging me for some time now, and i'm comforted by how a few pple have already pledged their help to this project. i mean...i hardly know them, yet...oh well.

carrie wrote me today (someone i knew from my newsradio days), responding to my earlier mail. she said how she'd think of me sometimes, and how i was in training and such. siew joo wrote me too. the weirdest thing was: they both said that the serene they know would be able to achieve much in both her job and her studies. that really boosted my confidence...i guess people just didn't realize how down i was, trying to do both at the same time.

i miss hanging out. not that i hung out that often in the past anyway. my social life has always been the sacrifice...the price i had to pay for achieving such in other areas. not that i mind, but it seems to have caused me to be afraid of going out. outside work, i seem to be such a loner...studying at the library, working out, getting things done. i still remember how guys used to ask me out when i was in poly, and my reflex reponse was to reject. now how the hell did it get that way? and you know what the worst is? that i'm still like that. my instantaneous reaction would be to give a big, fat "no".

this is bad, isn't it? jason said that i seem to have this emotional barrier in front of me, refusing to let others get close to me. i suppose that's my weakness.