WHEN LOVE AND HATE COLLIDE

as tired as i was yesterday (everyone knew i was outta form), ricky and i managed to social our way through the performances. =)

i had wondered if i was being too ambitious by trying out those shines on him...and adding in the cross-body-turn-drop...

but those are the things that i just have to "bite the bullet" and do.

i wouldn't have had the guts to do them otherwise.

so essentially, it was precisely because i was put in a "do-or-die" (in this case, do-or-screw-up-and-embarrass-mine-and-my-partner's-asses) situation that i just DIDN'T THINK.

I JUST DID.


us smiling cheekily at each other

all in all, it was a good experience =)

thanks, ricky.

it was a personal triumph on my part because of two reasons.

ONE

for as long as i can remember, i had two left feet, a body that's stiff as hell and major inferiority complex aka a self-conscious streak.

i improved on my TWO LEFT FEET by doing a little hip hop.

now i'm no expert in it, but i remember enough moves to choreograph a routine. taking hip hop did not improve my body movement whatsoever though. i was HORRID AT ISOLATION.

i had wanted to try salsa for the longest time, but procrastinated taking it up for almost three years. all through those three years, the only things i knew how to do were the basic and side-step. without a partner.

so why did i finally decide to bite the bullet and take it up?

it really was just one simple dance i did with this brazilian guy that did it for me. i picked up the steps rather quickly and managed to do simple turns, back breaks and half-and-halfs in an hour.

and when i danced with him, he emanated such HEAT...that it just blew me away. i felt such euphoria after that experience that i didn't want it to end.

till this day, THAT EUPHORIA HAS ONLY BEEN INCREASING =)

so salsa has helped me a little in my body movement.

about being self-conscious, i guess it's something that's hard to throw off.

but i've been finding it increasing easy to enjoy myself because now, i've developed enough confidence to look my partner in the eye and follow...with a smile.

and because i do that, the crowd seems to fade away.

all i need to do is feel...to follow his lead.

(of course, it's VERY HARD to do this at union because you have to keep each other from bumping into other couples)

btw, this is the result of dancing in the midst of a HUGE crowd...


bruise above my ankle

some guy back-stepped onto my leg and i spent the next half an hour or more sitting in the winebar section, holding an ice-cube to the bump.

anyways, back to why the performance was an achievement for me.

TWO

"something that's THAT personal to you...something you indulge in in your personal space to soothe your soul and rejuvenate your senses...you just wanna keep it within you. so it wouldn't become public domain and you can still indulge in it.

it's your personal sanctuary."

that's how i described it to ricky.

it's just like my music. i don't really like to share my music or singing with huge crowds.

that's why, when friends tell me they want to hear me sing, i tell them i'll try to organize a showcase where i'll invite close friends and all.

we can sit down with some wine, a pianist, me, and anyone in the circle who just wants to sing (eyes ricky, ling, cynthia and simon ;)).

that should be fun.

going to union last night was such a mistake.

i should really discipline myself to just stay outta the place completely if i'm not well in the first place. it'll save me and a lotta other people the embarrassment of having a bad dance.

it was way too crowded for salsa, let alone for rueda.

danced with simon for the first time in a bloody long while! and it was one of the better dances i had...=) thanks SOUL MAN.

guys...you flatter me by asking me to dance with super mario...

it was really interesting to hear from total strangers who watched you dance how you have the calibre to try dancing with him.

i'm really not used to receiving such compliments.

but seriously...i really wanted to dance with him because you guys gave me told me i could do it. i just felt too worn to even try.

bottomline: I KNOW I WOULDN'T BE ABLE TO FOLLOW EVEN THE SIMPLEST STEPS BECAUSE MY BODY WAS SHUTTING DOWN. :(

maybe next time, eh?

SO WHY IS MY BLOG TITLED "WHEN LOVE AND HATE COLLIDE"?

i have other issues about salsa to discuss, but i think i'll add on to this later.

this post has gone on long enough. =)