i sing because i'm happy, i sing because i'm free.

i miss singing.

i wonder why i haven't been singing as much since i met eric.

because aren't i supposed to sing when i'm happy?

reading through my blogs from a few years back, i know why i sang so much then.

pain was the reason.

i was in so much pain that i wanted to tear my heart out and sing it little songs to make it feel better.

it was catharsis.

i sang all sortsa songs.

among those included "someone like you" from jekyll and hyde...

but if someone like you
found someone like me
then suddenly
nothing would every be the same

my heart would take wing
and i'd feel so alive
if someone like you
found me.

and "last night of the world" from miss saigon...

a song played on a solo saxaphone
a crazy sound, a lonely sound
a cry that tells us love
goes on and on

played on a solo saxaphone
it's telling me to hold you tight
and dance
like it's the last night of the world.

i revisited these two songs last night, singing parts of them to snuffy hubby.

i feel different singing them this time around.

it's like...being in love makes you sing of love differently.

you emphasize parts of the song you wouldn't have if you were not in love.

it's just like reading business news - you only know which words to emphasize on if you understand it.

now, i do not feel like digging my heart out, sing to it to make it feel better.

instead, i sing in celebration of how it feels.

if all that i've written and said made you think that love and marriage makes one whole, i apologize.

they don't.

because only you can make yourself out to be who you want to be.

and only you can decide how you want to be happy.

you should not get hitched as a solution to your esteem and abandonment issues.

you should be self-aware and feel whole enough before you get involved in someone else's life.

do not bring your shit into a marriage.

the hubby is not your punching bag.